Dance with Me
by Lady Karai
Summary: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, Amazing Grace crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.
1. Rights and Lefts

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me as do the entire N'Darie race, their culture, and their language. If you would like to use my characters, **by all means do so!** Just read the book first. :)

**Warnings**: I'm only putting these down once, so read them now. This fic is rated T for language, yaoi (male/male relationships), and talk of suicide. If you shouldn't be here, go now.

* * *

**One: Rights and Lefts**

_Rights and Lefts: An eight-bar figure for two couples.  
1-2: Cross the set with your partner by the right hand.  
3-4: Cross up and down the set with your neighbor by the left hand.  
5-6: Cross again with your partner by the right hand.  
7-8: Cross again with your neighbor by the left hand. Couples end in original places._

I never knew that college would be so complicated. Sure, I knew about the insane number of fabulously interesting courses that would be available to me, and I knew I wouldn't know how to even begin picking just four or five a semester. And yeah, I expected to be overwhelmed by the beauty of the place having lived most of my life in a city that didn't have very many trees much less a rose garden and an outdoor amphitheater. And okay, I thought I might have trouble fitting in a bit although that was mostly leftover anxieties from high school where I didn't fit in at all. But I never thought I would have so much concern for my roommate in just one week.

Don't get me wrong. Justin isn't loud or obnoxious or messy. He doesn't smoke or drink, and I haven't been sexiled and I don't expect to be. It's just the opposite actually. He's so quiet and introverted and just … never there. Mentally. He's always there physically. The guy never goes out except for meals. Okay, it's just freshman orientation, but still, there are things to do, people to meet, and Justin doesn't want to do any of that. He just wants to sit in our room and either read or play music.

I'm really getting worried. I have this terrible foreboding whenever I'm with him. I don't want a single that badly.

And because I'm so worried, I've been spending more and more time in our room with him instead of going out with my new friends. Now why, Sora, you ask, would you be so overly concerned for a guy you just met? I don't know. I guess I'm naturally sensitive and sympathetic. I was the guy everyone came to with their problems back in high school. And I mean _everyone_. Oh, I didn't have many friends, like I said, but that didn't stop people from seeking me out for advice or a shoulder to cry on. And I cared about them all because that's the way I am. I guess.

So anyway, it was the day that the rest of the college came back, and I was lying on my bed with my hands behind my head and my eyes shut. Outside the room, I could hear the thumps and bumps of upperclassmen moving into their rooms and the talk of old friends getting back together. Inside the room there was nothing but music. Truly amazingly beautiful music courtesy of Justin. Oh yeah, when I said he likes to play music, I didn't mean on his stereo. I meant live music on his violin. And he is _good_.

Only after the final notes had completely died away into the silence of our room did I open my eyes and look at him. "That was really beautiful," I told him. "What's it called? Who wrote it?"

He rested the instrument in his lap with a soft sigh. His eyes did not meet mine - they rarely did - but he smiled slightly. Whoa. Justin smiling? That was a rare sight.

"I wrote it," he answered me in his quiet voice. "It's called 'Kerri', after my sister."

Surprised, I sat up straight on the bed. "Really? You wrote that?" I asked in admiration. When he nodded, I gushed, "It was fantastic. I loved it! And you named it after your sister? Older or younger?" This was the first time he had even mentioned any member of his family, and believe me, I had tried to get it out of him many times before.

"Younger."

"She must be really flattered."

He sighed again and turned in his seat on his bed to look out the window. His voice even quieter than before, he said, "She doesn't know."

"She doesn't? Why not? Haven't you - ?"

"Sora! Jay! You two in here?"

I turned just as Irene appeared in the doorway, a smile on her face like always. I smiled back. I couldn't help it. She just had that effect on people. Well, on everyone except Justin, that is. Her joyful personality hadn't been able to crack through his walls of solitude and misery, but she was trying. She was my secret partner in Operation: Get Justin the Heck Out of His Shell.

Her sparkling black eyes found mine, and she said, "I'm just about to head down to dinner. You two want to come?"

"I'd love to. Justin?" I turned to him expectantly, but he just shook his head.

"I'm not hungry."

Irene shook her head at him, her black waist-length hair fanning out behind her. "Jay," she scolded with a pout, "you shouldn't be skipping meals." Man, she was pretty. Even when she was pouting. If I were interested in girls, I so would have asked her out by now.

Another smile graced Justin's pale face, but this one was fake. I could tell. "Guess I'm afraid of the Freshman Fifteen."

"You're gonna get the Freshman Negative Fifty if you don't eat." Sighing, she appealed to me, "Sora, do something with him, will you?"

"What do you want me to do? Tickle him?"

"If it will help, yes."

"Okay, okay," Justin cut in, raising a hand weakly in surrender. "I'll come. But give me a few minutes, okay Irene?" He shifted his eyes to her briefly; they were blue like mine, but a lighter, softer shade.

"Fine," she conceded. "But you'd better keep that promise, or …" She thought a moment for an appropriate threat. I could tell the second she found one; her eyes got all bright and scary-like. "Or I'll sic Selphie on you."

Both of us snapped our heads to her with expressions that screamed something along the lines of "Oh God, please no, anything but that!" She laughed at us and, with a final wave, walked off to dinner.

I turned my body and my attention back to Justin, but he had given himself to his violin again, absently plucking the strings. I swear he kept his soul in that thing. "Jay," I said, using Irene's nickname for him, "I'm getting really hungry. I'll wait for you, but don't take too long, okay?" Without waiting for a reply, I stood up and wandered over to my bookshelf to find something to read to pass the time.

"Sora."

I looked back to him, my eyes widening in surprise. Was he starting a conversation with me? "Yeah?"

His eyes had found mine, and my heart ached at the amount of sadness in them. What is in your heart, Justin? Why are you so unhappy?

"Can you … ? I need …" He faltered, but I waited patiently for him to find the words. "Why should I go?" he finally settled on.

"Why go down to dinner?" I clarified. After he nodded, I said, "Well, apart from the obvious fact that your body needs nourishment to function, I think you should go to hang out with us. You know, your new friends?" He looked away, unsatisfied with my answer, but I pressed on. "And we may make some more tonight. You never know. Maybe you'll meet a girl or something."

That got his attention, but not in a good way. His whole body seemed to wilt as he murmured, "No. No more girlfriends. I don't want to go through that anymore."

More new information. I crossed the room to sit down on my bed again and face him. For a long moment, I sifted through ways to get him to elaborate but without seeming pushy while doing so. Finally, I asked, "Did you have a lot of girlfriends before?"

He ran a hand through his short white-blond hair. "Dozens," he whispered.

"Dozens? Plural?"

He nodded. "They all wanted to 'fix' me. Each one was going to be the one to take my sadness away for good." He shook his head slightly. "It never lasted long."

I blew a breath of air out with full cheeks. "Yeah," I thought out loud, "I can totally see that happening. So many girls have that maternal thing going. They see a guy with problems and they want to make it all better, with milk and cookies to boot." Justin smiled at that. Twice in one day! Go me! "And you being so good-looking doesn't help things either."

His eyes finally tore themselves from the floor to stare into mine. "Good-looking?"

I grinned at him. "What? You don't think so? You've got that awesome platinum hair that brings out your eyes, and your face is just perfect. Like a classical hero or something. Adonis. Or Orpheus! Yeah, Orpheus and his violin." I grinned some more, pleased by my own analogy.

Justin was blinking at me. A small, forced smile worked its way into his lips. "The way you say that, Sora, I might almost think you were … gay." He had noticeable trouble getting out the last word.

_And you'd be right_, I thought. But what I said was "And what if I am?"

Horror filled his entire face. Terrible, soul-crushing horror. It was the most emotion I had seen in him yet other than sadness. I think I preferred the sadness.

His words poured from his mouth in a rush. "If you were, I'd have to request an immediate room change. Homosexuality is a sin, Sora. A sin! It's a completely indecent and immoral act. A disgusting practice. An affront to God. A -"

"Okay, okay, I was just kidding, I swear!" I cut him off with raised palms and as much assurance in my voice as I could. Mentally, I smacked myself. Justin was Catholic. _Seriously_ Catholic. He had hung a fricking cross over his desk and placed a Madonna next to his bed for Heaven's sake.

Note to self: never let Justin know you're gay.

"So," I tried after a long awkward silence, "dinner?" He looked at me for several minutes more, probably trying to see if there were demons in my eyes or something. But then he nodded, much to my inner relief, and together we left our room to join Irene at dinner.


	2. Circle Six Hands Round

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

* * *

**Two: Circle Six Hands Round**

_Circle Six Hands Round: An eight-bar figure for three couples.  
1-4: Couples join hands in lines and at the top and bottom of the set. All slip-step to the left.  
5-8: All slip-step to the right, ending in original places._

I was on my bed, playing around on my guitar, when Chris and J'nel showed up. I could hear them before I saw them what with all the crashing and banging - and bickering to each other in L'Guan. I seriously need to learn that language so I can at least eavesdrop on them. Maybe this year.

As they came down the hall, I picked up a small throw pillow that I had on my bed. Heh. Finally, it will live up to its name. Listening carefully, I timed it just right and hurled the pillow out my open door just as Chris walked by, nailing him in the arm. He turned his head and flashed me his familiar smile.

"Hey, Riku! How was your summer?"

"Not bad," I answered him. "Yours?"

"Pretty good - ow!" A suitcase had slammed into his back, seemingly on its own.

"You're blocking the hallway," I heard J'nel's voice complain. He sounded irritated. "Move."

"Fine, fine, keep your shirt on." Chris turned back to me. "I'll be back in a minute." He pointed at my guitar. "And that's a good idea. Keep that out."

"Sure thing." He moved on towards his single, and a moment later, J'nel passed. He spared me a half-hearted wave as he went by. I couldn't see his face because most of his long green hair had fallen forwards and covered it, but I could tell by the slump in his shoulders that he was not happy. The aftereffects of an entire summer being cooped up with his family. Poor guy. He'd be okay in a week or so.

I fiddled with the guitar for a bit more while I listened to them settle into their rooms. The three of us plus my roommate Max had blocked together. Max had already been and gone. Probably at a library already, and registration hadn't even happened yet. But that was how he was.

"Don't tell me you're practicing already?"

I looked up to find Leon leaning against my doorframe with my throw pillow in his hand. He chucked it at me, and I caught it as I answered, "Of course. You're surprised why?"

He smirked. "Not surprised. Just glad I'm downstairs instead of on this floor with you three." Then he jerked forward as Chris appeared and smacked him on the back.

"Now, Leon, are you intimating that we don't play well?"

"No," Leon answered, trying to regain his precious poise. "Just that you play constantly." He thought for a minute and then added, "And loudly."

"Yeah, well, that's J'nel's fault," I replied, watching as Chris pulled out my desk chair and sat down in it, flute in hand. "His beganti is naturally loud. We just try to keep up with him."

Leon shrugged. "Whatever."

"Is J'nel going to join us?"

"Nah," Chris answered my question. "He crashed. Sounds like his summer was particularly bad this year." He ran a hand through his hair - light brown with blond highlights - and I noticed he had grown it out a bit so that it touched his shoulders now. And as I looked at him again, I realized -

"You've grown a mustache!"

He glanced up at me and grinned again. "Yeah. What do you think?"

"I like it," I told him, and I did. It suited him, his friendly face, those strange brown eyes of his. "It looks good."

"Good, 'cause I -"

"Hey! Where are my favorite queers?" The female voice echoed loudly down the hall, bouncing off the walls in every direction.

"I resent that remark," J'nel's voice floated to us from the room across from mine. "I am straight, thank you very much, Tifa."

And there was Tifa in my doorway, her hands planted on her hips as usual. She smiled at all of us before answering J'nel, "Yeah, but you might as well not be. We all know you can't pollute yourself by dating a human girl, so you're as much good to us as these guys."

Chris shot to his feet, concern written all over his face. "Um, Tifa, I wouldn't bring that up right now if I-"

A loud crash resounded from the direction of J'nel's room. It sounded like he had broken something. Tifa jumped and stared at us with a wide-eyed look.

Chris sighed and explained, "He had a nasty summer, Teef."

"Shit. Sorry."

"It's okay," I assured her. "Did you want something or are you just here to hang out?"

She regained her smile and her confident attitude in an instant. That was Tifa for you. Never shook up by anything for long. "Yeah, I wanted to talk to you guys about the Activities Fair."

"What, already?" Leon scoffed.

"Yes already," she huffed at him. "We have to make sure we snag as many freshmen as possible."

"Please, Tifa," I interjected with fake seriousness. "They are first-years. Please do not sully our fine institution's reputation by using primitive, male-specific terminology." Chris snorted, trying not to laugh. Don't get me wrong. I love my college. But sometimes it's just so easy to make fun of.

Tifa predictably stuck her tongue out at me. "Whatever, squash-more."

"June-bug."

Leon had said that! Leon! Tifa just stared at him, and Chris and I collapsed into fits of laughter. He smirked at all of us, the damn cocky senior.

"Aaaanyway," Tifa forced out, getting herself back on track. "Are you guys gonna play for us? I'd much rather have live music than the tapes."

Chris had recovered first, so he answered, "Yeah, we'll play. As long as you don't need us to dance."

Tifa waved a hand nonchalantly. "Nah, I've got plenty of people to dance." She paused a moment and risked a glance over her shoulder at the other room. "What about J'nel?" she asked in a lower voice. "Think he'll play?"

"Yeah, he'll have recovered by then."

"Okay!" she said brightly. She nodded and smiled to herself. "And I got Dan to fiddle for us." Out of nowhere, she turned serious again and looked meaningfully at us. "But he can't do it for class, so you'd better hope we find ourselves a frosh who knows his way around a violin or …"

"Or … ?" Chris asked, but we both knew what was coming. You could tell by the terrified looks on our faces.

"Or I'll let Yuffie have a crack at it."

"No!" we both yelled in unison.

"Well, what's worse?" she demanded. "Yuffie or Scottish without a fiddle?"

Chris and I exchanged quick glances. That was a hard question, but it didn't take too long for us to decide. "Yuffie," we agreed. Oh yes, we had heard Yuffie's attempts at playing the violin. You did _not_ want to go there.

As Leon laughed quietly at us from the doorway, Tifa finished, "Well, then we'll need to snag a frosh, like I said. Anyway, I'll let you get back to practicing. And I'll let you know when we've figured out what dances we'll be doing." She lifted a hand in farewell. "Cheers, queers."

"Cheers," Chris and I echoed, already occupied in pulling out my sheet music. Leon just nodded at her as she walked away.

But apparently she didn't get far, for a few minutes later, just as Chris and I had decided on what piece to start with, we heard her laughing. "Are you giving me a _lecture_?" she asked someone farther down the hall. "Honey, you just have no idea. Here, let me show you. Riku!"

"Yeah?"

"Are you offended by me calling you queer?"

I smiled to myself. Ah. A frosh had accosted her. "Nope," I called back. "It's what I was the last time I checked."

"Christian?"

"If you say it, no. If anyone else says it … no." He grinned at me, and I snorted.

"Leon?"

"Whatever."

"But it's so derogatory!" we heard a young female voice protesting. Seconds later, Tifa had reappeared, dragging a short brunette with big purple-blue eyes along with her. The newcomer stared at all of us, massive world-crushing disbelief radiating from her innocent face. "You can't be serious," she stammered. "You don't mind it when people say terrible, hurtful, offensive things about you?"

Christian caught my eye, and I nodded to tell him that he could say it. After all, he was the one who had educated me last year. Looking the girl straight in the eye, he said, "Words are only offensive if you let them be."

She blinked at him, stunned. I swallowed my smile. Oh yeah, that had been me last year. I was gonna change the world, gonna lead the crusade for equal rights and free thinking and open-mindedness and anyone who wouldn't listen was gonna have my world view shoved right down their throats. Thank God Chris found me.

"What's your name?" he asked her.

"Kairi."

"Hi, Kairi. I'm Christian, this is Riku, the stone statue is Leon, and the bruiser is Tifa." He leaned back in his chair and lifted his flute to his lips. Just before he and I started to play, he added, "Welcome to Swarthmore."

* * *

A/N: Heh, Kairi's attitude was based on my freshman year roommate. She lectured my then-boyfriend for a half hour because he had said "queer". He took it, not bothering to tell her that the girl he had dated before me had been bi and that the student gay/lesbian/bi group bore the name queer with pride. Then he laughed about it for days afterwards.


	3. Right Shoulder Reel for Three

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: Thank you to my handful of reviewers! I guess there's enough interest, so I'll keep going for a while. Here's chapter three.

* * *

**Three: Right Shoulder Reel for Three**

_Right Shoulder Reel for Three: An eight-bar figure.  
Begin with three dancers in a line, two dancers facing the third.  
All dance a clockwise figure eight on the floor with the middle dancer as the center.  
The two dancers who are facing pass right shoulders and the third dancer moves out to his or her right to begin.  
The figure ends when all three have returned to their original places. _

Oh man oh man oh man oh man …

I didn't want to be a freshman anymore. I wanted to be a sophomore. And not next year.

NOW.

Irene was giggling at me. I looked up at her from my course guide with a frown. "What's so funny?"

"You, Sora. You're sitting there muttering, 'Oh man oh man,' over and over."

I was? I felt my face start to redden. I'd have to work on that. I wouldn't want to be internally drooling over a guy and accidentally leak it to my anti-gay roommate. Not that I'm the type to drool. I'm interested in a boyfriend for a long meaningful relationship, not just sex. Well, okay, so I've never actually had it. The sex, not the relationships. I've had those.

Focus, Sora!

Justin was looking at me like I was insane, and Irene was still giggling. I needed to get control of the situation pronto. "It's just that there are so many good courses that I could be taking! I don't _waaaaanna_ take any PDCs." That would be Primary Distribution Courses for the uninitiated.

Irene laughed out loud at my whining, and even Justin cracked a smile. Oh, so all I had to do was act like an idiot and he'd smile? I could do that. "I mean," I continued, shoving my guide at them, "look at all this great stuff! Plato and Socratic Irony, Love and Hatred in Catullus, Greece and the Barbarians, Mystery Religions and Greek Philosophers, Dante and his Classical Tradition. I want to take all of these! And over here …" I flipped a few pages. "They have a Shakespeare seminar and a course on Asian-American Literature and one on Old English and a ton on poetry and …"

"Sora," Justin cut me off, "I don't think your advisor would let you take nine courses in one semester even without the PDCs."

I pouted at him. Yes, I pout. So what? You wouldn't believe the number of cookies it's gotten me over the years. "That's not the point! The point is I don't want to have to fill up a valuable space in my schedule with some science class."

"And I don't want to have to take some history or language class when I could be taking math or computers, so we're even."

"Guys," Irene interrupted our glaring match, "I do believe that's the point of PDCs. To make you take things you wouldn't normally take. Now," she folded her hands prettily over her empty dinner plate, "who's going to take Intro Physics with me. Sora?"

I choked on my soda. "Physics? Why do you want to take that?"

"Because," she explained easily, "Cloud told me that it's one of the more interesting science PDCs and that the prof is great."

Justin and I both gave her blank looks at the name. "Who's Cloud?" he asked.

She turned her head to each of us in turn. "What, you haven't met him? He's a senior on your hall. He's really nice if a bit quiet."

Justin shrugged and went back to poking the limp spaghetti about on his plate with a fork, and I took another bite of what was supposed to be vegetarian lasagna -- I'm not really a vegetarian; I just like their lasagna. It totally did not surprise us that Irene had already met and befriended a _senior_ on _our_ hall. Not in the slightest.

"So," she persisted. "Physics, Sora?" When I answered her with only an incoherent grunt, she appealed to Justin. "Jay, help me out here."

And then, to my surprise, shock, and utter, complete, and total horror, Justin said, "Well, I was planning on taking it anyway. Why don't we all take it together?"

I stared at the both of them with wide eyes. They'd outnumbered me! Curses! Irene had stood up to take her tray to the dish line with a look on her face that clearly said the argument was over. And Justin, that … that _traitor_. He was smiling again. Yeah, I wanted him to smile more, but not if it meant I'd have to take _physics_!

"Aarrgh!" I cried and slammed my head onto the table, covering it with my arms. Oh yes, I could be quite dramatic at times. I am a humanities lover after all. And then I heard it. Very soft laughter. Hesitant, too, as if the person laughing hadn't done it in a long time. I lay very still and listened to it until it stopped, soaking it up and storing it safely within my memory. It only lasted a few seconds, but it had been there.

Okay, that was worth being forced to take physics.

I lifted my head and went back to eating my dinner, once again completely at peace with the world. Justin watched me for a moment, no doubt confused by my mood swings, and then shook his head at me and started playing with his food again. Irene was right. He was going to get the Freshman Negative Fifty if he kept at his food like that. But neither of us wanted to push him. We were both too afraid we'd push him completely away.

We sat together in silence until, a few moments later, Irene came back. But not alone. She had grabbed onto a very tall and very good-looking blond who had an empty tray in one hand, as if he had just arrived at the cafeteria, and an extremely shocked and confused look on his face. Even though he had to be strong enough to lift Irene with just one hand, _she_ was dragging _him_ across the room to our table.

"This is Cloud!" Irene announced to us, gesturing to him with her free hand like he was a prize on a game show. "Cloud, meet my friends Sora and Justin. They both live on your hall. I have no idea why you guys haven't met yet."

Intense blue eyes flickered over both of us. "Hi. Nice to meet you," Cloud said in a quiet, low voice. It kind of reminded me of Justin's except without the dark depression.

"Same here," I replied to him. Then I asked, "You're a senior? What's your major?"

"Physics."

Naturally. I groaned and slammed my head back onto the table. Foiled again. The world was out to get me today. Cloud must have had an interesting expression on his face for Irene to laugh like that.

"Did you want anything else, Irene? I need to get back to my friends."

"No," she replied, still laughing at me. "I just wanted you guys to meet. Don't mind Sora. He's just having a bad day."

I jabbed one finger up into the air, still keeping my head on the table. "It was fine until fifteen minutes ago," I declared. Then I let my hand fall back to the table with a smack.

"Okay then. Bye."

I waited until I heard the clomping of Cloud's shoes and the scrape of Irene's chair being pulled out before I lifted my head. She had reseated herself across from me and next to Justin. Cloud had made it to the archway separating this dining room from the beverage area, but he had stopped next to another tall and good-looking guy, this one with brown hair and a serious face. I had reached for my soda and taken half a sip when Cloud leaned over to the other guy and gave him a small kiss on the lips.

I choked. Oh yes indeedy I did.

"Sora! Are you okay?" Irene leaned over towards me, concern in her eyes.

"… wrong … pipe …" I managed to cough out as my eyes watered and my lungs felt like they were trying to turn themselves inside out. All I could think was "Thank you, God, that Justin is facing the other way. Thank you, thank you, thank you …"

Some time after my lungs decided to stop twisting into knots, the three of us went back to the room Justin and I shared. He sat on the bed playing his violin while Irene and I played cribbage and talked. Then we played Dutch Blitz and talked. Then we just talked. Eventually, she decided to go on back to her dorm, and Justin and I agreed soon after to go to bed.

He said his prayers, as usual, and I lay in bed with a book waiting for him, as usual. The first night we spent together, I had asked him why he prayed sitting up in bed instead of kneeling down next to it. The look he had given me must have been the most scathing, withering look I've ever received. "Because I'm not a kid anymore," he'd said. And I'd spent the next twenty minutes apologizing and verbally smashing myself over the head. He forgave me; I'm eminently forgivable.

Once he had crossed himself -- my signal to find a place to stop and put the book aside -- he lay down and reached over to the lamp that sat on the table between our beds. The last thing he said before flicking it off was "You and Irene sure like to talk."

I had a lot of trouble sleeping that night. I just lay there in the dark and watched Justin. Watched the moonlight travel over his pale face. Watched the sheets move as he breathed in and out. I wanted to leap over at him and shake him awake, screaming, "We wouldn't talk so much if only you would talk back! Talk to us, Justin! We'll listen, I promise!"

I didn't though. I let him be. And eventually I fell asleep, too.

* * *


	4. Right Shoulder Reel for Four

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: Man, I hadn't used my L'Guan-English dictionary in so long I thought I had _lost_ it. But it's safely on my hard drive now. Phew. And no, I won't translate. ... smirks ... Just something I don't do. As a side note, if you don't understand all the college lingo (sexiled, blocking, PDC, LDR, Misery Poker), just ask and I'll explain.

* * *

**Four: Right Shoulder Reel for Four**

_Right Shoulder Reel for Four: An eight-bar figure.  
Identical to the Right Shoulder Reel for Three except with two dancers in the center, back to back.  
Both sets of dancers begin by passing right shoulders.  
When two dancers meet in the center, they pass quickly by the left shoulder.  
The figure ends when all dancers have returned to their original places. _

I love being friends with an N'Darie. Their culture is just so different from ours. Their class system, their super-strict religion, their history and mythology. It's fascinating to me, especially since I know I'll never get out into space. J'nel just might be the only taste of alien civilizations that I'll ever get.

Of course, he's turning more human by the day.

"Riku?"

"Yeah?" I looked up only to have my whole world obscured in white fluffiness. He had dropped a towel on my head. I tore it off with a growl and found his green, cat-like eyes staring at me.

"I can't stand it anymore," he confessed. "Take it off." And he held out a pair of scissors. I understood immediately. Time for me to play barber.

Christian, however, decided to take the comment the wrong way. "Didn't know your preferences had changed, J'nel," he joked, not looking up from his laptop. "Won't Daddy be surprised."

J'nel's eyes narrowed dangerously, but this time it was part of the joke. He had recovered finally, so his family was fair game again. "Shut up, Edelson."

"Make me, Kwon."

"Fain galan A nai pulan mela V'pai fier te s'nai galanin nai chen?"

"Tat v'lat fes ma."

"Guys, guys," I interrupted, sitting upright on the couch. "English please. If you're going to flirt, I want to be able to understand." I grabbed J'nel's arm and yanked him down so that he was sitting in front of me on the floor. From over at the table next to the wall, I heard Cloud mutter, "Kids," and Leon snort in agreement.

We had congregated in the first floor lounge, just doing our own things and being together. Chris had curled up in an armchair with his laptop, and I had been on the couch, just resting and watching people go in and out the front doors. Cloud had taken over the corner table with a pile of textbooks and notes. He had graciously left a space small enough for Leon to rest his stack of printouts from a program that he had written over the summer and which he planned to turn into his thesis. We had only been here a week, and already both of them were working like mad. I dread my senior year.

Once J'nel had settled comfortably in front of me, I draped the towel around his shoulders and then reached out for the scissors that he had lifted up for me to take. His long hair was still slightly damp from his shower, and I ran my fingers through it a few times to smooth it out. His hair is so awesome. Not only is it that great green color, it's orgasmically soft. I'm not the type to fawn over soft stuff, but even I wanted to just sit there and pet him for hours. It's not fair that such a great head of hair is going to end up with some arranged bride who won't even appreciate it. It should go to some human girl who'll worship it properly - and who'll let me come over every so often to pet him.

"How short do you want it?"

"As short as possible." Which meant shoulder-length. That class stuff again.

As I took the first few locks in my hand and started to snip, Leon checked his watch and cursed softly. "I need to go," he told us. "My shift at McCabe starts soon."

"Okay," Cloud answered him, still scribbling down formulas. "Don't let Gracie seduce you."

I sighed. That joke was so old. Almost as old as the librarian herself. I'm not sure exactly when it started. Their sophomore year, I think. Apparently, Gracie had accidentally groped Leon while they both worked behind the checkout desk, and Cloud had never let him live it down. It's not like she meant to do it. She's almost seventy. She probably hadn't even seen him there.

"Whatever," Leon predictably replied. I swear, one of these days I'm going to start beating him to it just to piss him off.

After stacking up his printouts, Leon rose from his seat. He looked at Cloud for a minute to see if the other would bother stopping his work to glance up at him. When it became apparent that he wouldn't, Leon grabbed Cloud by the hair at the nape of his neck, yanked his head backwards, leaned down, and plunged his tongue into the other's mouth. I'm ashamed to say it, but I snickered. Especially when Cloud's pencil rolled off the table.

"Get a room," Chris teased, but I knew he was happy for them. They were such a strange couple. Some days they barely spoke to each other, although not from anger or anything. They just didn't talk much. And they rarely did anything more than hold hands or peck at each other, so it was an actual treat to see the tongue action going on. Sort of an assurance, I guess, that there was more there than just mutual tolerance.

Leon broke away from a breathless Cloud and easily headed towards the front door. "Jealous, Christian?" he asked as he passed by.

"Nope, not me."

Yeah well, I was. Not of Leon or of Cloud per se. But of their relationship. It had been a long time since I had had one. Well, I had gone out with Chris last year for like … I don't know … a week? And it had ended with us both looking at each other and saying, "Uhhh, no." Probably the easiest break-up on record. Chris had offered to set me up with one of his high school friends, but I didn't want an LDR. Well, okay, if I met someone in some other way and had no choice, I'd do the long distance thing, but I wasn't going to be set up into one.

"Riku? You still back there?"

"Oh sorry." I realized I had stopped cutting J'nel's hair to brood. "I was just thinking about my non-existent love life."

I went back to snipping as he replied, "We do have a new incoming class. Maybe you'll hook up with a 'person of freshness'."

I snorted. "You've been hanging out with Yuffie too much."

He laughed lightly. "Perhaps I have." Did I mention that he has this cool accent? Kind of like a fake Russian one. It's because their entire language is spoken in the front of their mouths, never falling into the back.

"There are a couple of cute frosh on my hall that I met the other day," Cloud supplied. He had retrieved his pencil from the floor and was once again scribbling. "Want me to sound them out for you?"

"No thank you," I said strongly. "I am not everyone's spinster aunt who needs at least one date before she dies, thank you very much." I rolled my eyes at my three so-called friends.

"Well, you brought it up, Riku."

"I most certainly did not!"

"Chris," J'nel interjected hurriedly. "Please don't anger him. He has my hair hostage."

That made everyone laugh, even Cloud. Unfortunately, for me, the humor didn't last long. As I continued to cut J'nel's hair, my previous thoughts came back to me and wouldn't leave. Why was my brain harping on the absence of a boyfriend in my life? Was I really that lonely? No, I had these awesome friends who loved me and who made my life fun and interesting. Everything was so much better now than it had been two years ago.

So why were my insides feeling empty?

Shit, it was way too early for me to start PMSing on everyone. That usually didn't happen for another six weeks.

"Okay," I announced to J'nel, "you're done. A disgrace to your family name again." I carefully folded up the towel so that the long strands of discarded hair wouldn't fall everywhere. I felt a strong urge to keep a few for petting purposes, but I wouldn't. That would just be too weird.

Once I had freed him from the towel, J'nel sighed happily and shook his head back and forth, feeling the much shorter hair brush against the back of his neck. "Thanks, Riku." He stood and took the towel and the scissors from me.

"No problem."

He moved away to throw out the loose hair scraps, and I suddenly found myself staring into Chris's unnerving chocolate eyes.

"What?" I asked him.

"You okay?" he asked in return. "You look down."

Great. He'd noticed. I shouldn't have been surprised. Chris could read any of us with astounding ease, as if he had a private pass into each of our heads. And if he found something there he didn't like, he had no qualms about offering to help fix it - forcing us to fix it really.

"I'm fine," I answered in a half-hearted attempt to get him off my case.

He tipped his head to the side, unconvinced. "Isn't it a little soon for you to be in one of your moods? You don't even have a decent Misery Poker hand."

"_Who_ wants to play Misery Poker?" Cloud demanded, glancing up from his mound of books with a frown.

"No one!" Chris replied quickly as I added, "Certainly not us!" You did not want to play Misery Poker with a senior Physics major. Seriously. Fold.

As a grumbling Cloud went back to his work, Chris turned to me again with another of his soul-searching stares. "Well, if you want to talk about it, you know where I live."

"I told you, I'm fine," I insisted. I stretched out on the couch and went back to people-watching. It was all an act, though. My brain had down-shifted, and I felt a massive Mood coming on. And the Activities Fair was tomorrow.

Great. Just fucking great.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter is the Activities Fair where these two groups start to overlap. Thank you to my reviewers. Your kind words feed my bunnies. And they're **hungry** bunnies. :)


	5. Promenade

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: FYI, all of these groups really exist. Or at least they did when I attended. And the sci-fi club has been doing Live Chess for _years_, long before Harry Potter came out, so no, I didn't steal it from that.

* * *

**Five: Promenade**

_Promenade: An eight-bar figure for three couples.   
All couples meet in the center of the set and take promenade hold: right hand in right, left hand in left, right hands on top.   
1-4: First couple leads second and third couples down the men's side of the set.   
5-8: First couple continues leading up the center of the set to original places.   
The figure ends with all couples in original places. _

I have a riddle for you: How many extra-curricular activities can a freshman cram into his schedule before their total mass, combined with the weight already present from his normal courses, makes his head explode?

Let me know when you figure it out. My head depends on it.

"Care to join the Opera Club?"

"Ooo, an Opera Club?" Irene wandered over to the table and examined the various bits of paper on it. To the girl sitting in the chair behind it, she asked, "Do you put on operas?"

The other girl laughed. "Good grief, no. But we organize trips to center city, and we do occasional showings of other taped performances." She slid the sign-up sheet and a pen towards Irene. "If you sign up today, all it does is put you on our mailing list. You'll get announcements and news from us. You have absolutely no obligation to go to any of these shows, and you can ask to be taken off the list at any time."

I had heard that a lot in the past half-hour. Everything was "no obligation". I'm not sure if I believed it, so I was behaving myself and only signing up for things I was actually interested in. But Irene had signed up for just about everything, including the juggling club and the knitting club. Yes, this school had a knitting club.

"Great!" the girl smiled as Irene pushed the paper back. "Nice to meet you …" She checked the sheet. "… Irene and Justin."

"Oh, I'm not Justin," I answered automatically. "I'm Sora."

Wait a minute … Whoa! What?

I spun on my heel and confronted Irene. "You've been signing Justin up for things?"

She smiled, and to her credit, it seemed slightly sheepish. Just slightly. "Well, he's not doing it for himself. He's just sitting up in your room being anti-social. So I thought I'd help him out." Her expression hardened as I continued to glare at her. "Don't give me that look, Sora! I've only been signing him up for things I know he'd like. And he likes music."

I sighed and rubbed the back of my head, defeated. "All right, Irene. Fine." And we moved on to the next table.

Swarthmore has this huge, gently-sloping hill right in the middle of campus, split by a tree-lined walkway that goes from the train station up to Parish, my dorm. The students call it the "beach" since it's enormous and sunny and perfect for lounging and sun-bathing. Today the Activities Fair had taken up pretty much the entire beach. The one side had all the tables, full of upperclassmen trying to rope freshmen into their clubs, and the other side had demonstrations of some of the club activities. Right now, a game of ultimate frisbee was going on down at the lower end, and closer to the top, the science-fiction club was playing a game of Live Chess. I have to admit, the group scared me, but the game was interesting. Various people were the pieces -- except for the pawns which seemed to be mostly cafeteria trays -- and when one piece took another they usually did some sort of dramatic death thing. It was neat.

"Folk-dance club! Join the folk-dance club!"

The girl behind this table was waving her arms about in an attempt to flag down everyone within earshot. When Irene and I approached, she grinned -- almost maniacally -- and thrust a pen at us.

"Join the folk-dance club!"

"What's that?" Irene asked politely, trying not to be scared by this crazy woman.

"Scottish and English country dancing," she replied, still grinning. I noticed she had dandelions stuck in her short black hair for some reason. "We meet twice a week, once for Scottish, once for English, and we have balls and go to local dances and all kinds of stuff! It's really fun and flirty and awesome. It's a _great_ way to get your gym credit!"

I had to admit, I wasn't that interested, but Irene was already reaching for the pen. "Sounds fun. You'll sign up, too, right Sora?"

"I dunno," I said. A whine was starting to creep into my tone. "I was going to do tennis for my gym credit."

"Then don't do it for credit," the mad woman insisted. "Do it because it's fun!"

At that moment, another woman walked up to the table. She had black hair, too, but it went down to her waist, and she wore a pretty flower circlet on the top of her head.

"Yuffie," the new person said with a frown, "where are your flowers?"

"Lost 'em," Yuffie replied. "So I got these instead."

The other woman rolled her eyes but said nothing else. She moved behind the table and started to gather up a few things. To us, she said, "You signing up? Welcome."

"I am," Irene replied, putting her name down yet again. "But I haven't convinced Sora yet."

"Well, this is just for the mailing list. You don't have to come to classes or anything if you don't want to."

"Okay, but …" Irene lifted her head and looked at both women in confusion. "Why do you need my dorm, my room number, and my extension if it's just a mailing list?"

The non-crazy woman's eyes widened, and she stared at the crazy one. "Yuffie!"

"What?" Yuffie asked innocently.

"Ugh, never mind. You don't have to fill that stuff out," she told Irene. "Just your email. And as for you …" Her sharp brown eyes found mine, and I suddenly felt afraid for my well-being. Why did I have the feeling I was joining this club whether I wanted to or not? "Come on down to the Sharples Patio. We're doing a demonstration in a few minutes. You can see what the dancing is like before you decide to sign up."

"Umm, okay …"

"Where's Leon?" Yuffie demanded. "He's supposed to take over the table for me."

"Here I am, Yuffie."

She jumped and spun around in her seat at the sound of a low voice directly behind her. It was the guy I had seen with Cloud earlier in the week. Somehow he had managed to walk up to us without anyone really noticing. His gaze passed quickly over me and Irene, and if he recognized us, he didn't show it.

"Oh good!" Yuffie cried, leaping out of her seat. "I'm off. See you there, Teef!" And she was gone.

Leon settled into the vacant chair and ran his grey eyes over the sheet in front of him. "Extensions, Tifa?" he asked in a dry tone.

"Rrrrr, give me that." Tifa grabbed the sheet and the pen and made a huge "X" over the right side of the paper. "No extensions, just emails." She straightened and frowned at him. "And try not to look so scary. Smile or something."

He just looked up at her from underneath his bangs with a bored expression. She rolled her eyes again and, hefting a small bundle under her arm, said to me and Irene, "Come on then."

So we followed her down the hill to Sharples, the cafeteria. The front of the building had a pretty big, flat, patio-type area which was where, I guessed, they were going to dance. Several students were already there, talking to each other in a clump. Irene and I stopped while still in the grass, but Tifa walked straight up to them and took over, handing out flower circlets to the women -- who all had long skirts, I noticed -- and generally ordering everyone about.

"Hey look, Sora. An N'Darie."

I turned my gaze to where Irene had indicated with a discreet finger. A little bit away, a second, smaller group of students were setting up various instruments, and one of them was indeed an N'Darie. You could count the number of N'Darie students at the college on one hand, so it was cool to see one here. And what the heck was he holding? It looked like a kind of woodwind, but he had it slung over one shoulder like a guitar, and the lower half was wider, also like a guitar. And it had a tube of some sorts leading from the bottom to a bag at his feet. Huh?

"Ooo, a beganti."

"A what?" I demanded from Irene.

She looked at me briefly before returning her gaze to the musicians. "A beganti. It's an N'Darie musical instrument. Sounds a bit like bagpipes, although I've never heard one live. This should be great." She bounced a bit on the balls of her feet.

Okay, if she said so. I let my eyes wander over the rest of the people and instruments. There was a blondish guy with a flute, an older man with a violin -- a prof maybe? -- Yuffie with some kind of big round drum -- why did the thought of that scare me? -- and …

…

…

Wow.

I hadn't seen him before because he had been squatting down, getting his guitar out of the case. But now he stood up, lifting the strap over his head and flipping his hair out so the strap wouldn't catch it. It was silver. Not grey, _silver_. Grey didn't shine like that in the sun. And man was he good-looking. Well, okay, maybe his face was a little severe, but I bet it would soften up if he smiled. _Bet his smile is wonderful and his laugh is better. I wonder what his name is, what his voice sounds like, which dorm he's in, what year, what he likes to read, what he's studying …_

I realized I had been staring, so I quickly looked away. After an agonizingly long couple of seconds, I risked a glance at Irene to see if she had noticed me gawking at the gorgeous guy. But she was still watching the N'Darie with a thoughtful expression on her pretty face. Well, if she was going to take an eyeful, then so was I. No longer concerned, I happily went back to gazing at the guitar-player.

He looked kind of upset. Not angry so much as just down. But not depressed like Justin constantly was. Just … off? How did I know that he was having an off day when I didn't even know his name? I knew I wanted to cheer him up though, and not just because I help everyone. I wanted to help _him_ for some reason. Wanted to watch that half-glower turn into a smile -- a smile at me. For me and me alone.

Geez, Sora. Get a grip.

"Okay," Tifa clapped her hands together with emphasis. "The set's ready. Is the band ready?"

"We're ready, Teef," the flute-player answered her.

"Then let's draw a crowd."

Since it seemed as if the demonstration was starting, I reluctantly shifted my attention to the group of dancers. They had placed themselves into two parallel lines of four, men on one side and women on the other, facing each other. The band played a single chord, and everyone bowed or curtseyed. And then the dance began.

As a cheery Celtic tune sprang from the musicians, the first two dancers began to move, using this odd half-skipping step and occasionally just bouncing in place with pointed toes. They quickly roped in other dancers with various figures, although I could always see where the original set had been. There was a lot of turning and chasing, and it did look like quite a bit of fun, especially with that great music in the background. I realized after a few moments that the fourth couple had done nothing, but then the first and second couple had changed places and they started the dance again, this time with the old second couple not doing anything. It dawned on me that this was how they took turns so that each couple could do each part of the dance at least once.

When that dance had ended, they did another one. This one was much slower, and instead of skipping, the dancers did this step-together-step-hop thing that looked really difficult balance-wise. And then when that was done, they did a couple of other dances that just used walking steps and used the whole set instead of just three couples at a time. Those must have been the English dances since the Celtic lilt had been replaced by a cleaner, simpler sound. It looked really interesting although I truly doubted I would be able to do it myself. Everyone on that patio was infinitely more graceful than I'd ever be. I have a tendency to trip over things. Like air.

Plus, if I went to class, I'd probably meet that guy and be sorely tempted to go after him. And I couldn't do that yet. Not until I had figured out what was wrong with Justin. My personal life would have to wait. Justin's future was more important than my present.

After they had finished, Tifa turned to the sizeable crowd that had gathered and made a small speech about the folk-dance club and the classes and the gym credit and then thanked everyone for watching. Behind her, the rest of the students cleaned up their stuff, and soon everyone had gone their separate ways.

"So, Sora?" Irene asked me. She had grabbed my arm, and her face was shining with excitement. I could tell how much she liked the dancing and how much she wanted to try it out. "What did you think? Should we go back and sign you up?"

"No, I don't think so, Irene. It was fun to watch, but I don't think I want to go to classes."

She pouted fiercely. "You're not serious! You're going to make me go by myself?"

"Yeah, sorry."

And then Irene did the one thing that sets her apart from all the other girls I've known who drag you around and pout at you and force you into doing stuff you don't want to do, like physics.

She let it go.

The pout disappeared, and she smiled gently at me. "Okay, Sora. If you really don't want to." Her hands let go of my arm, and one of them took one of mine instead. "Let's go see if Justin is feeling up for company."

I looked down at the little olive-skinned hand in mine and then back up at her pretty black eyes. They had never had a trace of sadness in them since the moment I met her. And right then, I vowed that no one was ever going to put any sadness in them or … or … or they'd have to answer to _me_.

Not much of a threat, I know. But it's the thought that counts.

"Okay," I replied. "Let's go."

* * *


	6. Advance and Retreat

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

* * *

**Six: Advance and Retreat **

_Advance and Retreat: A four-bar figure for three couples.  
1-2: Dancers take hands along the sides of the set. All dance two small traveling steps forward.  
3-4: All dance backwards into place. _

The Mood had arrived in all its fucking glory. Playing at the demonstration this afternoon had kept it at bay for a bit, but now it had consumed my entire existence. The world was completely empty. Nothing but blackness. Oh, and anger. Lots of anger. At what I had no fucking clue.

Chris calls me "Dark Riku" when I get like this. Like I have a Jekyll and Hyde personality. Eh. Maybe I do. Stress is what usually sets me off; it's my bubbling beaker of potion so to speak. But this time I had done it to myself with my stupid thoughts about relationships and how I don't have one.

"Hey, Riku." Chris had appeared in my doorway.

"What?"

"Your roommate has J'nel hostage. Want to help me save him?" Max and J'nel had been working together on a biology assignment for the past two hours. My eternally-quiet roommate had taken one look at me, gathered up his books, and gone over to J'nel's room to do the work, not even speaking a word. Smart guy.

"No," I answered Chris.

"You sure? I could really use your help."

I knew what he was trying to do, and I was not appreciative of it. "Fuck off. Leave me alone."

Chris winced at my harsh reaction. I could see in his eyes that he wanted me to talk to him, to get out of this, but both of us knew all I needed was a little time. "Okay," he said softly. "See ya." He moved out of my doorway to the one across the hall, and I heard him start to talk to J'nel and Max in a low voice. Probably about me. Damn them all to hell.

I rolled over on my bed from my back to my left side and draped my right arm over my head to block out the world. Why the hell did I do this to my friends? They truly cared about me and wanted me to just be happy, so why did I get these funks where all I wanted to do was break things and hurt people and push everyone away? A dark, evil voice inside me started to whisper: _because life sucks and you're worthless and they don't really care and your life will never get any better ever and you might as well just die now_. Except I didn't really believe any of that, even when I was in one of these moods. But the whispers affected me anyway, and I hated it.

"Gaming in the breakfast room!" Yuffie called from somewhere down the hall.

"When?" Chris asked her.

"Now!" she replied, and her cheery voice had gotten closer. It sounded like she was just outside my room now. "You should all come. You too, Max. Don't blink at me like that. I know you're a closet Evo fan." She paused briefly, and I could picture her looking around with her big, bright eyes. "Where's Riku?"

"In his room," Chris replied in a quieter tone. "But I wouldn't bother him. He's in a mood."

"What? Already?"

"Yeah, already. Just let him be."

"Okay, I will. Hey, where's that frosh chick that Tifa told me about?"

"Kairi? Her room's that way, three doors down."

"Thanks!" And I heard feet skipping down the hall and soon after a small argument between the two women, mostly consisting of Yuffie badgering Kairi to go downstairs and play. "But it's Saturday!" I heard her cry at one point. "And you're Pass/Fail, so come _on_!"

Eventually they all left, even Kairi and her roommate Naminé. That just left me and a bunch of other hallmates who weren't my friends and who therefore wouldn't come try to cheer me up. It made me even more depressed actually. I mean, I didn't want to be cheered up, but I liked having the possibility that someone was around who might eventually try. Yeah, I was seriously messed up tonight. I needed to get the hell off this bed, out of this room, maybe go for a walk or something.

Yeah, a walk. And I knew just where I wanted to go.

Five minutes later, I walked into the parking lot of the Presbyterian Church that sat just on the border between the campus and the town. Across the fence there was the college's baseball field, and over on the other side was the track. But on this side of the fence was the church's small playground, and that's where I was headed. I sat down at the end of one of the slides of the big jungle gym thing and leaned back against the plastic. I couldn't really see the stars since there were trees in the way, but that's not why I was here. I was here for the silence, the darkness, and the solitude.

I don't know how long I lay there. People passed by every so often, some going to campus, some coming from, but very few of them noticed me and no one did more than smile and wave. The change of scenery hadn't helped my mood that much, but I did my best to keep my mind empty. Instead, I concentrated on listening to the sounds around me: the cars driving by, footsteps and voices of other students, the wind in the trees overhead. And then I heard heavy footsteps behind me, coming from campus, that suddenly stopped instead of continuing on by, and a few seconds later, the old merry-go-round squeaked and someone sighed.

Hmm. Someone else who liked to come to the playground to brood. Well, whoever it was hadn't seen me, so I decided to stay quiet. We could be depressed together and yet still isolated in our own little bubbles.

But then a male voice moaned, "What am I going to _do_?"

Now normally, I would have ignored it and just kept to myself, but for some reason, that sad voice struck something within me. I stood up, not knowing why, and walked around the jungle gym. There on the merry-go-round was a lanky, kind of scrawny guy with messy brown hair and a really sad face.

"Don't know," I heard myself saying. "I can't help if I don't know what it is."

He looked up at me with a start, obviously not expecting company. His eyes were impossibly blue, and they had so much … _something_ in them. Innocence? No, not quite. Honesty? Almost. More like _truth_ if that was even possible.

I'm not sure what kind of reaction I was expecting to my strange intrusion on his reverie. Either embarrassment or annoyance probably; God knows my reaction would have been the latter. But instead, his mouth fell open in a rather cute way, and he said, "It's you."

What? I looked down at myself for a brief moment and joked, "You're right. It is me."

He smiled then and explained, "No, I mean … I saw you this afternoon at Sharples patio. Playing for the folk-dance club."

Ah. Well that made sense. "Oh, okay." I held out my hand to him. "My name's Riku."

He stood up and took my hand. It was soft, like a woman's, but surprisingly strong. "I'm Sora," he replied. "Nice to meet you." I held his hand for a little longer than necessary - for some reason I didn't want to let it go - but I dropped it before I could embarrass myself.

"So, Sora," I said, moving to sit next to him on the merry-go-round, "what trouble could possibly bring you out here to an empty playground on a Saturday night?"

He resumed his original place and smiled awkwardly. "It wasn't empty."

"True," I replied, noting the hesitation and evasion in his voice. "So you should take advantage of this stroke of good fortune to see if I can solve your problems. For all you know, I could have a magic wand stored away in my back pocket." I smiled cheekily at him before I suddenly realized what I was doing. I was _flirting_ with him. This guy I had just met and knew nothing about except his name. Dear Lord, what was wrong with me?

Thankfully, Sora just laughed, but as I continued to wait for an explanation, his mood darkened. He turned slightly away. "Well, it's … my roommate."

Freshman then. Thought so. Sophomores got to pick their roommates, so we usually didn't have problems this early in the year. "You're a first-year?" I confirmed.

"Yeah." He turned back and asked a little too quickly, "What year are you?"

"Sophomore." He really didn't feel comfortable talking about this then if he wanted to change the subject so fast. I didn't want to let it go though, not that easily. Don't ask me why. If it had been me getting poked and prodded at, I would have spouted a string of obscenities by now and stormed off, but Sora was still sitting there smiling. I didn't have to push so hard, though, so I added, "I'm in Mary Lyons, third floor. Where are you?"

"Parish."

"Parish?" I echoed in deep envy. "Lucky bastard." I flopped back onto the old metal and gazed up at the sky, dreaming of those high ceilings and big bay windows. "Enjoy it," I told him. "You'll never get there again."

Sora's face appeared above mine, hovering there with that little smile on his lips. I swallowed a sudden lump in my throat. His current position, in relation to the lamps that lit up the campus sports areas, was such that he seemed to be glowing. And when combined with that deep something in his eyes, I could easily have been convinced that he had a halo over his head and that I was gazing up into the face of an earth-bound angel. I wanted to lift my hand and touch his face - to see if I could, to see if it was really there - but I stopped myself.

"Really?" he had continued our conversation easily. "But I have upperclassmen on my hall. Like this one guy Cloud. He's a senior."

"You're on Cloud's hall?" I asked, surprised. Cloud's statement from last night came back to me along with his rejected offer. Had Sora been one of the cute frosh he had mentioned?

"Yeah. You know him?"

"Yeah, he and Leon are good friends of mine."

Sora tilted his head slightly. "Leon is Cloud's boyfriend, right? The tall, kind of scary-looking brunette?"

I smiled, although I wasn't sure if it was from his description of Leon as being scary-looking or from the ease with which the word "boyfriend" fell from his lips. "He's not that scary once you get to know him. But we're getting off track." I pushed myself back up into a sitting position, Sora quickly moving out of the way to avoid getting hit. I fixed my eyes on him and prodded, "Your roommate … ?"

Sora's expression fell again. I felt oddly upset to see him like that even though I had just met him. I guess that's why I was trying to get this out of him, to see if I could help and take that sad look off of his face.

"Is he a jerk or something?" I asked. Then I joked, "If he's treating you like shit, I can get Cloud and Leon to go beat him up."

"No, no," Sora laughed, "it's nothing like that. It's just that he's so … withdrawn."

"Withdrawn?"

"Yeah." He turned to me and started to gesture as he talked, finally opening up to me and letting his emotions pour out. "He never wants to hang out with me and Irene or any of our other friends. He never wants to do anything at all. He just sits there in our room reading or playing music, and he won't tell me anything about himself or his family or why he's so unhappy all the time. At first I thought he was just shy, but I've been trying to show him that I care and I've been trying to get him to talk to me, and he just _won't_. And then … and then tonight …" He slowed down, his breath getting a bit labored, and I could see the terrible pain in his face. "Tonight I found him looking out the window, and I kind of joked that he looked like he wanted to jump through it or something, and you know what he said?"

I shook my head. This sounded bad. "What did he say?"

Sora's eyes were starting to fill with tears. "He said he wasn't allowed to. That suicide was a mortal sin. And the way he said it …" The tears began to slide down his cheeks, but he refused to acknowledge them, refused to brush them away. "… the way he said it, it sounded like he was _upset_ that it was a sin. That if he was allowed to then he'd do it without a second thought. Riku, it was _terrifying_. And I just don't know what to do anymore. I just don't know …"

"Sora," I stopped him, "if he's that depressed, if he's suicidal, you aren't the one to help him. He needs other help. He needs to go to Psych Services."

"He's already going," Sora informed me in a dead voice. "Three times a week."

Shit. Well, there went that idea. I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. I hadn't expected his trouble to be something like this, and I didn't have any other suggestions. Maybe I really couldn't help. No. No, I had to help, for Sora's sake. Something, anything to give him a bit of hope.

He was looking at me again with those amazing blue eyes, waiting for me to say something else. Damn it! Why wasn't I as good at this kind of thing as Chris was? Well, that was a thought. What would Chris have said to Sora right now?

"Maybe …" I said slowly, trying to channel my inner-Christian, "maybe you should stop being so nice about it. Start forcing him to get out and do things, see people. If you're doing everything you can to invite him into your friendship and he still won't come, then go to him. Break down his door if you have to, and get him to understand that you care and that he can trust you."

Sora had leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, thinking about my advice. After a moment, he nodded and said, "Okay, I can try that. I just don't want him to get mad or run away or anything."

"Anger can be overcome," I told him, knowing from my own personal experiences how true it was, "and if he runs away, all you have to do is run faster."

He smiled and nodded. "Okay." Then he got a downright impish look on his face and, grinning, leaned back to look at me from behind. What the hell? Was he checking me out?

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for that magic wand of yours."

I burst out laughing, and he joined me. A few minutes later, just as my side was beginning to hurt, he stood up and held out his hand again. "Thanks, Riku. I feel a lot better."

I took that soft hand again and squeezed it gently. "You're welcome. I'm glad I could help if even a little." A sudden thought occurred to me. "Hey, you said you recognized me from the dance demonstration, right?" When he nodded, I asked, "Am I going to see you in class? It's held just over there." I pointed to the church.

He shook his head slowly, and I felt something sink inside me. "No, I don't think I'll go to classes, but my friend Irene will be." He lowered his eyes for a moment, apparently in thought, and when he raised them again, he seemed almost shy. "Riku, can Justin and Irene and I maybe hang out with you and your friends sometime?"

"Sure!" I replied, a bit too excitedly. Mildly embarrassed, I took a breath to compose myself before continuing, "We're in ML, like I said, and I'm sure I'll see you around campus. I'd give you my extension if I had something to write on, but unfortunately I don't."

"It's okay," he smiled. "I'll have Irene get it from you on Tuesday."

"Okay then." We both paused for a long moment, both knowing that the conversation had ended. "Good night, Sora," I finally said.

"Good night." And with one last smile, he walked back towards campus. He turned once at the end of the baseball field to wave, and then he disappeared around the field house.

I sat there for a while longer, slowly turning the merry-go-round by pushing on the ground with my foot. I had realized something as I watched Sora walk away. My mood had disappeared. Completely gone. And it had fled the moment I first heard his voice. If what I thought was happening was in fact happening, I was in trouble.

Eventually, I rose and began walking back to my dorm. As I went, I let his name roll around in my head, let his face and his smile float up behind my eyes, and every time it filled me with warmth and happiness. I laughed quietly to myself. Oh yeah, I was in massive, major trouble. And I only hoped that I wouldn't end up somewhere down the line with nothing but crushed dreams and a broken heart.


	7. Pousette

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, Amazing Grace crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. Amazing Grace and its characters belong to me.

A/N: Sorry the pousette description is so long. I couldn't think of a better way to describe it. And I wanted a progressive figure for reasons that will become obvious later on.

* * *

**Seven: Pousette **

_Pousette: A progressive eight-bar figure for two couples.  
Couples meet in the center of the set and take two hands. All bars done in setting step.  
1: First couple moves out to the men's side of the dance, second couple moves to the women's side.  
2: Couples quarter-turn so that the men face up the set.  
3: First couples moves down the set, second couple moves up the set.  
4: Couples quarter-turn so that couples are improper.  
5: Couples move into the center of the set.  
6: Couples turn halfway to own sides.  
7-8: Couples fall back twice into progressed places. _

I kept thinking about what Riku had said to me about being more forceful with Justin. Okay, to be honest, I had barely stopped thinking about Riku since I had met him, and whenever I shut my eyes, I could see his awe-inducing green ones staring back at me with that wonderful open look of friendliness and sympathy and I wanted to jump up and sprint over to ML and run up to his room and throw myself into his arms and pour out buckets of speech about perfect love and eternal devotion …

… and we're getting ourselves under control again now. Oh yes we are.

So anyway, it was Tuesday, and I had entrusted Irene with the monumental task of getting Riku's extension at dance class, and now it was just me and Justin in our room. It was the perfect opportunity to get him to talk to me. The question was how? Break down the door, Riku had said. Force him to open up. Make him have fun even if meant dragging him kicking and screaming into it.

Easy to say. Not so easy to do. I'm not really a confrontational person. Too easy-going, I guess. So while I had accepted the fact that I needed to push Justin, I had no idea how to go about it. Pestering didn't work; he just ignored it. I needed something to grab his attention and not let go. I needed …

I needed a _hostage_.

My eyes strayed from the book that I had been pretending to read over to where Justin sat on the bed. Oh yes, I knew what to do now. All I had to do was wait. Blargh. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate waiting?

Some higher power must have taken pity on me, for only about ten minutes had passed when Justin put down his violin, stood up from the bed, stretched briefly, and then walked out the door, turning in the direction of the bathroom. Once he was out of sight, I excitedly jumped up, grabbed the violin and bow, and ran down to Cloud's room. He was in; I had seen him walk by earlier and had said hi.

I didn't even let him have enough time to get the door completely open before I had shoved the instrument at him. "'tletJustinknowandI'llexplainlater!" Somehow he understood that and, taking the violin and bow, nodded at me once before closing the door. I sprinted back to our room and threw myself on the bed. Then I folded my feet under myself and waited.

When Justin came back in and saw the empty spot on his bed, his eyes widened and his face paled. I had expected that. Then, his eyes narrowed again and he turned his angry gaze to me. I had expected that, too. "What did you do with them?" he demanded in a dark voice.

"I put them somewhere safe," I told him. "And I'll give them back just as soon as you spend some time talking with me."

"Talking with you?"

"Yes. Twenty questions sounds good." I gave him as stern a look as I could muster. "I'm tired of not knowing anything about you, Justin Tanner, and I'm not giving your violin back until you tell me all about yourself. Your family, your history, your plans for the future, your hopes and dreams. All of it."

And then something happened that I didn't expect. Justin's face filled to the point of overflowing with wild, rampant _fear_. His arms snaked around his own waist, clutching tightly, and he stumbled back a few steps until he hit the wall. I swear his face started to turn green. Slowly, very slowly, he sank down into a broken heap on the floor.

Concerned, I leapt from the bed and knelt down next to him. His breathing was shallow and ragged. His hands were shaking. Sweat had started to form on his forehead. "Don't do this," he begged me in a whisper. "Give them back, Sora. Please." His fingers crawled up my sleeve, clutched at the fabric, and began to claw at my arm. "Please. Give them back to me."

Dear God, he _did_ keep his soul in that thing. It was like a drug or something to him. He was going through instant withdrawal. He was in so much agony that I very nearly caved, but I held on to my resolve. Instead, I wrapped my arms about his shoulders and pulled him to me, forcing his head into the curve of my neck.

"No, I won't," I said, soothing his back with my hands. "Not until you talk to me." He hissed through clenched teeth, and his fingernails dug painfully into my skin. But I held on tightly and continued to smooth up and down his back. Finally, after what seemed like hours, his breathing calmed slightly and the pain his nails were causing me began to lessen. I very slowly eased him backwards until he was resting against the wall, and then I leaned back so I could look at him. He looked like a broken doll.

"Twenty questions, okay?" When he dipped his chin ever so slightly, I continued, "I'll go first: Why did you name that song after your sister?"

He took several raspy breaths before answering, "Because I needed a way to deal with the pain."

Argh. An evasive answer, but an answer nonetheless. "Okay, your turn."

"Why are you doing this?"

Well, I wanted him to be honest with me, so I decided to be honest with him. "I met a new friend on Saturday night, a sophomore. I told him about how worried I was about you and how you never talk to me or let me help you. I told him that I care about you a lot and I want you to be happy, but that you won't come out of this shell you've built around yourself. He suggested I try to break you out of it. Try to force you to come to me instead of waiting for you to do it yourself. That's why."

Justin blinked at me, looking slightly confused. He opened his mouth, but I cut him off. "My turn now. What pain did you need to deal with?"

His eyes flickered away from me, a mixture of hurt and fear in them. For a long moment, I thought he wasn't going to answer me, but just as I was going to give him a verbal prod, he whispered, "Kerri, she … she got pregnant and had to drop out of school." He paused again, but this time I let the silence alone. Somehow I knew he wasn't finished. "She's a wonderful girl, Sora. Bright and happy and smart and funny. But she has no future now. She's working a dead-end minimum-wage job in order to take care of Sam. The father sends her what money he can, but he's just a kid, too. And my parents have refused to help her. She needs to atone for her sin, they say." His eyes fluttered shut, and he sighed heavily. "Atone for her sin. She's only sixteen, Sora."

"Jay," I breathed, my heart breaking for him, "that's terrible."

A small, empty smile flitted over his face. It looked so out of place right then. "My turn again, right?"

"Yeah."

"Do you really care that much about me?" He turned his head back to me, and he opened his eyes to stare intently into mine. They had a feverish look to them, and they searched my face relentlessly as if looking for the slightest indication that I might be lying.

"Yes."

"Why? I'm just your roommate."

I smiled gently. "Well, you aren't supposed to ask out of turn, but I'll answer anyway. You aren't just my roommate, Jay. You're my friend, and I care about you because I like you. You've only allowed me to see the tiniest pieces of yourself, but what I've seen I liked, and I want to see more. And it hurts me to see you hurting, so I want to help you stop hurting. Not just for a day or a week or a month. For good."

His lips curled into a wry smile. "You want to 'fix' me?"

"No," I scoffed. "At least not like those girls did. They were chasing some romanticized fairy tale. They just wanted you to be the guy they wanted to be with. I want you to be you. Just a happy you."

Justin stared at me with wide, shining eyes. They reminded me of a child's eyes: innocent and hopeful and just a bit scared. "Really?"

"Of course."

And as I watched those eyes, they began to fill with tears, and Justin began to cry. Quietly at first, but soon he was sobbing, breath coming in huge heaving gasps and tears streaming down his face. I pulled him into my arms again and let him cry violently against my chest.

"I'm sorry," I murmured to him over the force of his sobs. "I didn't mean to make you cry, Justin. I swear I didn't."

But then I thought about it a bit, and I realized I had never seen him actually cry before. Oh, he always looked horribly sad and on the verge of tears, but they had never actually come. He had kept them in, just as he kept in his secrets and his pain and his fears, and the sheer fact that they were coming out now meant that he trusted me with his weakness. It meant that we had actually taken a step forward.

"No," I corrected myself. "I take that back. I'm not sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry; that part is true. But I'm glad I did. Because you need this, Jay. You need this, and I'm here for you to give it to, and I'll be here whenever you want. You understand? I'm here for you now, and I'll be here for you whenever you need me."

He nodded into my chest and pulled me tighter, crying with all the force of a broken, trampled-on heart. I somehow knew that Kerri was only the beginning, that he had so much more pain inside him to tell. And I wasn't naïve enough to think it would be easy to get it out just because I had gained this much of his trust. But we had made progress tonight. A breakthrough. A step I would have been prepared to swear he had never made with anyone else in his entire life.

And really, if you're going to walk any road, all you have to do is take one step at a time.


	8. First Corner, Second Corner

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

* * *

**Eight: First Corner, Second Corner **

_First Corner, Second Corner: Special positions used in many different figures.  
In a set of three couples, the second couple is the active couple. They stand back to back in the center, facing their partner's side.  
The dancer on the active couple's right side is their first corner. For the woman, first man; for the man, third woman.  
The dancer on the active couple's left side is their second corner. For the woman, third man; for the man, first woman.  
This setup is used in many different figures including corner-partner, set and turn corners, reels for four, and parallel figure eights or reels for three. _

Three days. That was all it had been. Three days. Seventy-two hours. Four thousand, three hundred, and twenty minutes. Two hundred, fifty-nine thousand, and …

God, I'm pathetic.

But dance class was finally here, and tonight I would meet Irene. I kept hoping that maybe Sora would change his mind and show up, too, but I tried not to get too excited about that thought. After all, I really doubted he had thought about me as much as I had thought about him. I doubt he had spent all of Sunday and Monday always scanning his surroundings for a glimpse of my face while still trying not to alert his friends who, by the way, would roast him alive with teasing if they knew.

Did I mention I'm pathetic?

"Hey, Riku, you gonna put your ghillies on or just hold them all night?" Chris looked up at me curiously from under the hair that had fallen forward over his face as he bent down to put on his dance shoes. I jumped and started putting on my own shoes, mentally cursing myself for spacing out. After a moment, he straightened up and looked at me curiously. "You okay? You've been acting weird since Saturday."

"I'm fine," I told him. Still bending down, I reached back to my bookbag and rummaged around until I found a hair tie. A couple of seconds brought the stupid stuff under control. I enjoy having long hair, but sometimes I completely understand why J'nel occasionally snaps and demands that I cut his off.

Chris's voice cut into my thoughts. "Did you meet someone or something?"

How the _hell_ does he _do_ that?

"Because if you did," he continued, "I'd love to hear all about him. I know I rag on Leon and Cloud all the time, but I wouldn't do that to you. Their relationship is solid and firmly established, so they can take it. But I wouldn't tease a new relationship whether it's you or J'nel or anyone. I actually have some tact in me."

Okay, now I was convinced he was from some alternate dimension where they could read minds. I finished lacing up my shoes and sat back to look at him. "I only met him Saturday," I said, still hesitant and slightly embarrassed in spite of Chris's calm, accepting expression. "I really don't know much about him yet, just that he's having trouble with his roommate and that one of his friends will be here tonight." I flushed as I admitted, "And that I'm crushing on him like a fourteen-year-old girl."

He smiled brightly at me. "Nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's the best part of falling in love and it doesn't last nearly long enough. Enjoy it while you can."

"Yeah," I replied, "but I can't really enjoy it until I find out if he feels the same. Otherwise, I'm setting myself up for a broken heart."

Chris shrugged as if that were the silliest thing for me to concern myself over. "You shouldn't worry so much. It'll all work out eventually."

"And how in the name of all that's good and holy do you know that?"

"Because it always does."

"Excuse me?"

I looked up from my annoyed glaring at my close friend and into the sparkling eyes of a pretty Indian woman. She smiled at me. "Are you Riku by any chance?"

"Yes."

Her smile widened a bit. "I'm Irene. Sora described you to me and asked me to give you this." She held out a piece of paper which I took eagerly. On it, Sora had written not just his full name and extension but also his room number and email, all in a loopy cursive that fit him perfectly and made me smile. "And I'm supposed to ask for yours."

I nodded to her and went back to digging in my bookbag for the paper that I had written out earlier for him. But since he had given me extra information, I also pulled out a pen and amended my note. My sloppy, spiky penmanship looked like chicken scratchings compared to his neat handwriting. "Here you go," I said, handing it to her and rising to my feet at the same time. "It's good to meet you, Irene. This is my friend Christian."

As they greeted each other and proceeded into easy small talk, I took note of the large number of students that had filtered in to the church's small gymnasium. Many of them I recognized from last year, but quite a few I didn't. Idly I wondered how many of the new faces had been badgered by Yuffie to show up. I had overheard Tifa grumbling about the other girl, something about an abuse of trust. But really, Tifa had been foolish enough to trust Yuffie with the table in the first place, so she shouldn't have been surprised.

"Hey, Rikuuuu!"

Speak of the devil.

A body crashed into my back, and thin arms wrapped around my neck. Somehow I managed to keep us both from falling over and also keep myself from being strangled. Chris looked like he was going to die from laughing, the traitor.

"Hi, Yuffie."

I knew she was grinning even though I couldn't see her face. "Oooo, who's this? You got a new girlfriend, Riku?"

Irene's face flushed slightly at the accusation. "Oh no, we just met, really," she said with a small waving of hands.

Yuffie laughed in my ear. "I know. I was just teasing ya. Riku doesn't swing that way."

I swear I nearly fell over from embarrassment. It's not that I hide the fact that I'm gay, but I don't flaunt it either. And Yuffie had just spilled the beans to Irene who would get it back to Sora who was probably straight and who would think back on a couple of things I had said or done and would put two and two together and … . Shit, I was screwed now.

But Irene just laughed. "That's okay. My friend Sora doesn't either."

And at that, I did fall over. Well, not really. I just stumbled, and because Yuffie was still on top of me, I managed to pass it off as her fault. I also managed, after a little bit of effort, to get her the hell off of me. By that time, J'nel and Tifa had arrived, and we introduced Irene to everyone. She in turn grabbed another freshman woman by the name of Selphie to introduce to us. The whole time I couldn't stop thinking about how one of my worries about Sora had been resolved in my favor, but that still left countless others that would undoubtedly hound me without mercy. A couple of times I even wondered if I would have preferred finding out that he was straight, just so I could give up on him before what I was feeling turned from a crush into something more complicated.

Eventually Jerry called the room to order and class began. The two instructors, Jerry and Mary Perry -- yes, I know and believe me, so do they -- had asked those of us who normally play instruments to dance instead for the first month or so to help the newcomers. So when Jerry ordered all experienced dancers to raise a hand and all inexperienced dancers to grab someone with his hand up, I turned to Irene, intending to offer to dance with her. To my surprise, I found that J'nel had already taken her. So I took Selphie instead.

The whole class was just basics: how to hold your body, the proper way to hold your partner's hand, some simple figures, a few comments on footwork with a promise that we'd work on that more later. It would have been terribly boring for me if I had been with any other partner. Poor Selphie seemed to be all feet. She tripped and stumbled all night, but she kept smiling and held on to her positive attitude so strongly that I was truly impressed. She laughed at herself often and actually frowned at me when I wouldn't laugh at her, too. When class finally ended, she threw her arms around my neck and told me I was the most wonderful guy in the world to put up with her. Then she bounced away, leaving me feeling slightly shell-shocked.

"Um, Riku?"

I turned to find Irene standing behind me, looking slightly worried. The expression seemed so out of place on her.

"Yes?"

"I … um … need to tell you something. About Sora."

I perked up immediately although her demeanor was making my stomach hurt. "What about him?"

Her eyes locked onto mine, and her voice became stronger as she continued, "I remembered during class that I wasn't supposed to say what I did. You know, to you and Yuffie."

What? My brow furrowed as I peered at her. "You mean that Sora is gay?"

She nodded. "Yes. Exactly. I shouldn't have told you, so could you please act like you don't know? And could you tell Christian and Yuffie, too? Yuffie especially. She seems like the talkative type."

I shook my head slightly. "I don't understand. I mean, yes, I can, but why? Is he not out or something?"

Her forehead crinkled, and she bit her lip. "Well, yes and no. It's complicated. I should probably let him explain it himself in his own time, you know."

I didn't get it, but it didn't really matter. So I assured Irene that I would "forget" what she had said and order Chris and Yuffie to do the same. As soon as I had, the smile returned to her face, and she went to gather her things to leave. I noticed that J'nel was waiting for her next to her bag and that the two fell into a comfortable conversation, but my mind was too confused to make much out of it. It wasn't until Chris came up next to me and made a comment about my shoes that I realized that almost everyone had left already.

When I sat down on the bench to put my sneakers back on, Chris sat down next to me and commented, "Something must be in the water. First you, now J'nel. I'd better watch myself."

My head snapped up to look at him. "J'nel? What are you talking about?"

He tipped his head at me. "You didn't notice?" Then, his face cleared as he remembered who my partner had been. "I guess you were too busy helping Selphie out." He leaned back a bit and explained, "Well, first you should know that Irene is a natural. She acts like she's been doing this all her life. So she and J'nel didn't have much to do except stand there and talk." He laughed. "And boy did they ever talk. Like there was no one else in the room. I swear I've never seen him so animated."

"That doesn't necessarily mean he's interested in her." Chris gave me a pitying look, so I defended myself by reminding him, "He knows better than to get involved with a human girl. His family will go nuts."

"Screw his family," he replied so easily and carelessly that my jaw dropped. He shrugged off my incredulity. "Seriously. Screw 'em. He should be allowed to be with the person he loves, and he should have the freedom to make that decision himself."

I sighed gently and went back to my shoes. "I'm so glad to see you have such an open mind and accepting attitude towards other cultures."

He snorted violently and stood up, apparently tired of waiting for me. Luckily, I finished a few seconds later, grabbed my bag, and followed him out the door and into the night. We walked the rest of the way to ML together in silence. I knew Chris was miffed at me for not agreeing with him, but I didn't feel like fixing that problem just yet. Instead, my mind occupied itself by dissecting and analyzing everything I had learned tonight about Sora.

He clearly wanted to be friends which was wonderful, and Irene's slip had given me hope that perhaps we could be more. But the fact that it was a slip was exceedingly worrying. Was he closeted to everyone except Irene? And why had she said it was complicated? I sure as hell didn't need complicated right now.

By the time we reached our dorm, I had had no epiphanies. I had, however, managed to give myself a headache. I decided to let it go for now. I had his number and he had mine. I'd call him tomorrow if he didn't call me first. For tonight, I'd just try to forget that confusing things like love and relationships exist and focus on simpler things instead.

Like my Data Structures and Algorithms homework.

Someone shoot me now.

* * *


	9. The Slip Knot

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: I don't know if anyone is bothering to read the dance figures or not, but if you are, I apologize for using a figure with allemande hold before using the allemande itself. The Slip Knot was just so appropriate for this chapter.

To give credit where it's due, I took the Sappho poem from sacred-texts dot com. After all, 'I only speak two languages: English and bad English.'

* * *

**Nine: The Slip Knot**

_The Slip Knot: An eight-bar figure for two couples  
1: Couples turn halfway by the right into allemande hold facing down.  
2-4: Second couple leads first couple down and then up the women's side of the set.  
5-6: Women drop their partner's right hand and dance across the set to the men's side.  
7-8: Couples join hands in a left-hand star and dance halfway.  
The figure ends with couples in original places. _

"Sora? You still there?"

I stared at the phone in my hand. The small part of my brain that was still working pondered that question. _My limbs and torso appear to be still here because I can see them. And I can assume my head is still here because I can see and hear and breathe and think … sort of. However, if one were to see me at this moment, one would probably conclude that I am in a severe state of shock. Yes, that would explain the silence._

"Sora? Hellooooo?"

But Riku couldn't see me because he was on the other end of the phone line. So he deserved some form of verbal communication soon or he would think I had died or something. I placed the phone back against my ear and took a breath to speak. Something along the lines of "I apologize, Riku, but your request surprised me so much that I was momentarily unable to respond." However, what actually came out was …

"_Selphie?_"

He paused a moment, probably at the high pitch of my voice, before replying, "Yes, Selphie. We met her at dance class, and everyone liked her."

"But … but …" My debating skills had completely failed me, not that I had many to begin with. "You can't be serious. You want to invite her to have dinner with you?"

"And you and Irene and Justin, yes."

"But she'll have sugar! You don't know what she's like when she's had sugar!"

Riku laughed, and something tingly shuddered up my spine. "Believe me, Sora, whatever she's capable of, I've seen worse. My friend Yuffie is just as scary."

I thought back to the crazy woman at the Activities Fair. "Oh yeah. Her. Well, okay then."

"So we'll see you four at 5:30 in the middle room?"

"Sure. Sounds great."

"Great. See you, Sora."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and glanced at the clock. 3:40. Twenty minutes before Justin was out of his lab. Plenty of time to try to get in contact with the girls.

Irene wasn't in her room when I called, but Selphie was in hers and she said she and Irene had planned to meet up at the library. I happily entrusted the task of informing Irene of the dinner invitation to Selphie. I had spent all of lunch listening to a flood of information about J'nelefe of the House Kwon, and I didn't really want to relive the experience. I love Irene, I really do, and I'm happy for her that she's found someone worthy of her affection and who apparently is also interested in her, but even I have my limits. Selphie, on the other hand, loves a good romance and wasn't tired of listening to Irene talk after almost two hours of constant gushing. Yeah, Selphie could pass along the message for me.

And that left me with thirteen minutes before Justin got out of his lab and probably twenty or so minutes before he arrived here. Enough time for some Sappho. If I could keep my mind off Riku for that long. Or maybe not. The assignment dealt with love poems after all. Although that could backfire rather dramatically. As I settled myself on my bed with my book, I wondered how people would react if I walked into dinner and declared, "'That one seems to me the equal of the gods, who sits in thy presence and hears near him thy sweet voice and lovely laughter; that indeed makes my heart beat fast in my bosom. For when I see thee even a little, I am bereft of utterance, my tongue is useless, and at once a subtle fire races under my skin, my eyes see nothing, my ears ring, sweat pours forth, and all my body is seized with trembling. I am paler than dried grass and seem in my madness little better than dead, but I must dare all.'"

Somehow, I didn't think that would go over too well. Although Selphie would probably applaud.

About ten minutes after four, Justin walked into our room, threw his bag on the floor, and went straight for his violin. The piece he played was vicious and angry and spoke loudly of some experiment that had stubbornly refused to go the way he wanted. Once he had played out his stress, I half-expected him to launch into something melancholy, but to my surprise and delight, he instead put the instrument down and asked me what I was reading. I very nearly leapt across the room and tackle-hugged him in my joy. But I restrained myself and just answered his question, and for the next hour we talked about poetry. I did most of the talking, but Justin listened and kept a small half-smile on his face the whole time.

I eventually told him about the dinner invitation. He seemed rather nervous but acquiesced anyway, especially when I phrased it as a way to meet the guy who had stolen Irene's heart and to make sure he was worthy of her. The three of us had met only a few weeks ago, but Irene and I had already formed deep familial-type bonds with each other and with Justin, and after last night when I had finally managed to chip a small hole in his wall, it seemed as if Justin was allowing them to form with us, too.

At twenty after five, Justin and I headed down to dinner. Irene and Selphie were waiting for us on the patio, so the four of us went in together. We easily found Riku sitting at a table along with the blond flute-player and the N'Darie from the Activities Fair. When he lifted his head and saw me, his face lit up with an expression so joyous that my knees suddenly had trouble supporting my weight. Irene had told me, when she had finally stopped talking about J'nelefe long enough to give me Riku's note, that Yuffie had outed him in front of her and that when she mentioned my name, he immediately and obviously brightened. It seemed that, if I decided to pursue him, I wouldn't have much trouble catching him.

But I wouldn't. I knew I wouldn't. And it hurt so much.

Introductions took longer than they should have since Yuffie arrived in the middle of them and she insisted that everything be resaid. Once everyone knew everyone else's name and other important information like year and city of origin, those of us who had no food decided to go get some. Or at least, Justin and I did. Irene was too busy laughing with J'nel, and Yuffie and Selphie had their heads together at the end of the table like they had been best friends for years.

"Now that's a scary sight."

I jumped slightly at the sound of Cloud's voice. He had been standing so quietly beside the central fireplace that I had very nearly walked by him without noticing. Justin threw him a half-hearted smile and kept going, but I stopped and stood next to him when his comment sank into my brain. I followed his eyes and saw him staring at Selphie and Yuffie.

"Yeah," I agreed. "It sure is. But at least no one's given them sugar yet."

He smirked slightly at that, and his eyes gradually turned so that they gazed at me. "You're sitting with us?"

"Yeah." I smiled at him, but the emptiness in his eyes slowly forced it off my face. "Is … is that okay?"

His deep blue eyes continued to stare at me, although they shifted out of focus as if he was thinking. Then, suddenly, he straightened and grabbed me by the wrist. "Come on. I need to talk to you."

He dragged me into the serving area, picked up two trays, and shoved one into my hands. After a brief look around the room, he turned to me and asked, "Where?"

"Um …" The severity of his face was getting to me. "I was going to go in the grill line."

He nodded sharply and strode over, pulling me behind him. Once we were in line, he quickly threw his eyes about to see who else was around and, satisfied, returned his attention to me. "Sora, what do you know about me? What has Irene told you?"

The question caught me completely off guard. My mouth fell open most unattractively as I stammered, "Um … uh … not much. She hasn't said anything really. Um, I know you're a senior. A physics major …" _and only God knows why_ … "You live on my floor. Uh … you're Leon's boyfriend …"

He blinked suddenly, and I realized, even before the smirk returned, that that had been the piece of information he had been digging for. "So, you do know then," he said easily. When I nodded, he continued, "Then can I ask why you're sitting with us?"

It was my turn to blink. And I did. Blankly and many times.

"Because," Cloud supplied after it became apparent I wasn't going to answer, "Irene told me about Justin."

Oh.

"And I have to tell you this, Sora. Leon and I aren't the most overtly affectionate of couples, but we are a couple and we're going to act like it. I'm not going to ask Leon to pretend we're not together when we're around Justin." He smiled slightly. "It would only backfire anyway. He'd see it as a challenge."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. All of Cloud's severity made much more sense now; he was worried. He had looked forward and foreseen the inevitable explosion. So what did I want to do? Take Justin and run away? It would be just the two of us then since I would never force Irene to come with us. Or did I want to stay and brave it out, knowing that it wouldn't last?

Cloud was watching me, waiting for my answer. "It … it's okay," I finally managed. "You don't have to behave any differently around us. Go ahead and be true to yourselves. The problem is entirely Justin's, and he'll have to decide how he wants to deal with it."

"And what about you, Sora?" he asked kindly.

"I'll just have to be true to myself, too," I answered with a smile, but I knew I was only half telling the truth. As I said it, I meant that I would hold true to my promise to be there for Justin whenever he needed me, but by doing that, I couldn't be totally true to myself. Would I ever be able to?

That wasn't something to worry about now.

"Okay then," Cloud said, and with a nod, he left the line and went elsewhere to get dinner for himself. I watched him go, grateful for his concern and his friendship. And the fact that he let me choose which line to stand in. I was hungry after all.

When I got back to the table, Justin was already there, sitting across from Christian and listening to the blond talk. I took the seat next to my roommate which also happened to be the one across from Riku. He smiled at me and started asking harmless questions about my hometown, my interests, my plans for school. I answered them and asked a few back, but my heart wasn't in it. And when Cloud sat down next to Riku, my mood just got worse.

"Sora? Are you all right?" I looked up into Riku's hypnotizing green eyes. They were watching me with concern. "You look upset." A small smile turned up his lips slightly. "Should I get out my magic wand again?"

I tried to laugh and succeeded mostly. "No, it's okay. It's nothing you need to worry about."

That seemed to concern him even more, for his eyebrow shot up and disappeared into his bangs. He had opened his mouth to comment further when an outburst from the man beside him cut him off.

"Really?" Christian demanded of Justin. "You do?"

"Do what?" Riku asked, turning to his friend in mild annoyance.

"Play the violin!" Christian answered with a grin.

This information apparently erased all worry for me from Riku's mind. "Really?" he echoed Christian's previous disbelief. "Do you play well?"

Justin just lowered his eyes to the table, blushing slightly, so I answered for him. "Amazingly well. He should be out touring or something."

"Sora …" he protested in a low voice.

"Would you consider playing for dance class?" Riku asked. "We desperately need a fiddle player. Our old one graduated last year."

"I … don't know." He still refused to raise his eyes. "I haven't played in front of anyone in a long time."

"What?" I turned in my seat to him, confused. "But you play in front of me every day."

Across the table, Christian caught my eye with a small shake of his head. "No, what he means is he hasn't had to perform in a while. It's one thing to play by yourself, for yourself. You can pick your own tempo, change it if you need to, play what you want, stop when you like. When you play in a group for a group, you need to stay with the other players, stick to their tempo, and you have to play what the group wants even if you don't feel like it."

Justin lifted his eyes then and smiled at Christian. "Exactly," he said in his soft voice.

"But still," the other said, turning his attention back to Justin, "please consider it. It's a very low-stress environment, the people are nice, the music is beautiful. So think about it, okay?"

Surprisingly, Justin nodded, that small smile still on his face. "Okay. I'll think about it."

Christian's face broke out into a wide grin. "Great!" Then he leaned in closer and whispered to us, "Because, you know, Tifa threatened to let Yuffie try if we didn't find someone."

Justin and I exchanged half-amused, half-terrified glances with each other. "Yuffie plays the violin?" I asked incredulously.

"No," Christian and Riku both answered, nearly in unison. All four of us laughed at that.

At the other end of the table, the crazy woman in question suddenly lifted her arms over her head and waved wildly. "Leeeeeeoooon! Over heeeere!"

My laughter died as the tall, somber man approached. He looked extremely tired and grumpy as he walked straight over to Cloud and collapsed in the seat next to him.

"You okay?" Riku asked him, concern in his face.

"Bad day," Leon mumbled in response. He let his head fall forward into his hands.

I looked at Cloud to find him already staring at me, the question evident in his face. He was giving me one final chance to protest. But I had no intention of doing so. "Be yourself," I mouthed to him. He smiled and nodded, thanking me quietly with his eyes. Carefully, he circled his arms around Leon's chest, just under his arms, and pulled the brunette over to him so that the other man's head rested on his shoulder. Leon immediately relaxed, letting whatever had ruined his day so badly just float away. Cloud ran a comforting hand through his hair, banishing the stress further, and after a moment, leaned down slightly to kiss him gently on the top of the head.

They were so sweet together that I had to hold in a sigh of appreciation. The way Cloud tended to him like a mother to a sick child, and the way Leon visibly improved with every touch, it was just so beautiful and pure. I could practically feel their love myself. It was very nearly a tangible thing. Strong and unbreakable.

I wanted a love like that someday.

The sound of a fork clattering on a plate jolted me from my pleasant thoughts. My head snapped around, and I saw what I feared most. Horror reflected in his wide blue eyes, gasping from his open mouth, _gushing_ from every inch of his rigid body.

Right there and then I knew it was over.

Justin pushed back from the table so violently that his chair tipped. He and chair fell to the ground with a crash. I pushed my own chair out a bit and twisted it so I could help him up, but he ignored my outstretched hand and my words of assistance. His eyes still stared, and once he got to his feet, he began to walk backwards with slow, jerky steps.

"Devil spawn …" he whispered in between shaky breaths. "Satan's children … Vile … _Unclean_."

By this time, I had risen to my feet as well, and I grabbed his arm before he could back up into another table. "Justin," I reprimanded him. "Calm down." He was breathing so fast I was afraid he would hyperventilate.

"Damned … you're all damned." And then he shut his eyes and began to pray. _In Latin_.

I stepped closer to him, my heart breaking in my chest. "Let's go, Jay," I said quietly, and I pulled him away from the table and towards the familiar solace of the small room next door. I didn't look back. I didn't want to see their faces. Only when I had seated Justin at a two-top next to the wall did I remember I had forgotten our dinners. So, I left my still-praying roommate and went back.

No one said anything as I approached, but when I made to pick up our trays, Cloud's voice stopped me.

"Sora. I'm sorry."

I flicked my eyes over the perfect couple whose mere existence ruined my chance at befriending them all. Cloud looked sincerely apologetic; Leon just looked confused.

"It's not your fault," I told him. "I said it's his problem, not yours."

"Sora?"

My eyes moved to Riku who gazed up at me in confusion and anxiety. My heart broke even more as I said, "Thanks for inviting us to dinner, Riku. I'm sorry we couldn't stay." I lifted my head and addressed them all. "It was nice meeting all of you. Please …" My eyes found a pair of black ones, looking at me in deep regret. "Please take care of Irene for me, okay?"

"Sora!" She had risen to her feet, and one hand reached out to me as I took up our trays.

"Stay," I told her with as much of a smile as I could manage in the current situation. "I'll take care of him. You stay and be happy."

And I left before anyone could say anything else. Before they asked questions or tried to change my mind. Before I broke down into tears at lost chances.

Before anyone could ask me about my own happiness.

* * *

A/N: I thought I should add a request here for everyone to be gentle when judging Justin. His life is seriously messed up, and the only things that are stable to him right now are his music and his religion. I know what he eventually becomes, so I can handle this early version of him. But if you're having trouble stomaching his behavior, just have faith that it will get better, even within the space of this fic which won't even get close to the advances he makes in the book itself.


	10. Back to Back

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: I suppose one of the good things about writing about a book that no one has read is that no one accuses me of the characters being OOC. Christian, while not entirely OOC, has been quite a bit more subdued than normal so far. This chapter finally gets him more into the character that readers would recognize, and it sets up the final pairing.

As another note, I'm so glad that most of you want to hug Justin rather than smack him. Of all the _AG_ characters, he's the one I relate to most, other than K'nsolear who doesn't appear here.

* * *

**Ten: Back to Back **

_Back to Back: A four bar figure.  
1-2: Partners dance two traveling steps forward, passing right shoulders and moving slightly to the right.  
3-4: Partners dance two traveling steps backwards into place, passing left shoulders. _

"What the _hell_ was that all about?"

My ears registered Leon's voice, how it had spoken the words in my own mind, but my body was still in far too much shock to turn to him. What I had just witnessed was something I never had before. I was used to the looks of disgust, the preachy, Bible-thumping speeches, the pathetic attempts to convince me it was only a phase. But that amount of sheer fear, as if merely being near Cloud and Leon put his own soul in mortal peril, I had never seen anything like that before.

And Sora …

Quietly, Cloud began to explain to Leon about the young man who had just fled from us in such terror. Again, I heard the words 'withdrawn' and 'suicidal', and Cloud added 'obsessively devout' and 'deeply hurting'.

"And Sora has resolved to do anything and everything in his power to make Justin happy again. Even if it means denying himself our friendship."

Sora …

Next to me, Chris rose from his seat and picked up his tray. I asked him if he was leaving, and when he answered he was, I stood up as well. I had mostly finished my dinner, and the food didn't look very good anymore anyway. We said our goodbyes, returned our trays, left through the lower doors, and headed back to ML. The silence wrapped itself around me as we walked, but I did nothing to change it. I didn't trust my voice at that moment; my throat hurt too much.

Somewhere between the train tracks and the field house, Chris asked, "Where do they live?"

I hadn't expected him to speak, so it took me a moment before I replied, "Sora and Justin? Parish, fourth floor. Why?"

He was looking straight ahead, an odd expression on his face that I couldn't read. "When I get back to my room, I'm going to print out some music for him and then take it over. Try to convince him to play for us."

"I doubt he'll even open the door for you. You're impure, remember?"

"He doesn't know."

I smiled to myself without the slightest trace of humor. "Then you're contaminated by association. Either way, neither of us will see either of them again."

Chris stopped walking and finally turned his head to me. "You're giving up on Sora? Just like that?"

I stopped, too. Shrugging, I answered, "I don't see how I have a choice. After what Irene said yesterday and what we saw today, he's as good as straight to me."

Chris frowned darkly, and I saw a spark of something in his brown eyes that I hadn't seen for nearly a year. He started walking again, his strides long and fast, and I hurried to keep pace with him. "You can't do that," he said, almost to himself. "I won't let you."

"_You_ won't let _me_?"

"That's right." He flicked his eyes over at me, and I saw it clearly. The fire. Christian had a mission again. "There's very little worth fighting for in life, Riku," he told me solemnly. "So when you find something, you should fight for it. Fight for it hard. And love is the one thing that is _always_ worth fighting for."

"Maybe so," I conceded, "but it's not like I love Sora, and I truly doubt he has any feelings for me."

"Is that so? Remind me to get my eyes checked then since I could have sworn I saw actual sparks passing between you two."

My face instantly flushed. "What the hell is with you tonight?" I demanded, trying to keep my voice level. "I don't think I've ever seen you this fired up. You're like a completely different person."

He smiled, and a hint of that same unreadable expression entered his face. "I guess I am. After all, I finally found my soulmate."

My feet stopped as my whole body froze in shock. I stood there in the middle of the sidewalk, just staring at him. He had stopped as well a few paces away and watched me with that damned smile on his face.

"What?" I finally cried. "You can't mean …" He nodded, but I still couldn't believe it. "You and that homophobic, suicidal --"

" -- confused, lonely, and above all _scared_ young man, yes." He took a few steps to diminish the space between us and put a hand on my shoulder. "I know it's hard to believe, but I felt it, his heart. Underneath all the layers of protection he's built, under all the sadness and blackness, I felt it there, and I felt it connect with mine." He smiled one more time before turning and beginning to walk again. "Justin is my soulmate, and I'm going to fight for him."

"Have you lost your mind?" I called to him.

"Nope," he answered. "Just my heart."

"Chris, wait!" I ran to catch up to him, grabbed him by the shoulder, and pulled him around to face me. "Think about this a minute," I insisted. "You're going to try to convince a kid who's so religious that he knows his prayers in Latin of all things that actually the Bible is a load of bullshit and homosexuality is okay and by the way, he should hook up with you?"

He laughed, although whether it was from my words or the look on my face, I didn't know for certain. "Well, not exactly like that," he answered. "But I suppose that's the general idea."

"_How_?"

He lifted a hand to push off mine which still gripped his shoulder. "Calm down, Riku," he said, kindly. "I'm not stupid. I fully intend to take it slow."

"But how? What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to be his friend," he answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm going to stick with him and get him to open up and trust me. I'm going to pull those walls down and push the sadness away, and I'm going to help him be himself. Just like Sora."

_Like Sora_. Thoughts flooded through my head in a rush. Thoughts of Sora -- his sad face that night at the playground and again tonight as he left us -- and of Irene -- her worried expression and the way she had said, "It's complicated."

I grabbed Chris's eyes with my own stern gaze. "And through it all, you're going to pretend to be straight, aren't you? You're going to get him to trust you by lying to him. Just like Sora."

His face fell slightly at my harsh accusation. I could almost see some of the fire die down. Quietly, he answered, "It's necessary, and once he's out of the darkness, he'll understand why I did it."

That answer did not satisfy me in the slightest. "I wouldn't be so sure," I warned him. "You're so convinced that everything will turn out all right if only you work hard enough, but sometimes that just isn't true, Chris. Sometimes we can't get the happy ending no matter how hard we try."

His eyes immediately lit up again. "And if there's the possibility that it might not turn out the way we want, is that good enough reason to not try in the first place?"

"Well, no, but --"

"And if I just might get hurt by trying, does that mean I should run away instead?"

"Shit, Chris, that's not what I meant!"

"Well then," he asked with some of his usual humor, "what exactly did you mean, Riku?" He folded his arms across his chest and regarded me with a small smile.

I stared at him for a moment, trying to piece together something to say that might actually make a difference. I had thought I was crazy, to become so attracted so quickly to someone else based on one short conversation. But this soulmate talk of Christian's was just insane. There wasn't just a possibility of failure; it was damn near assured. And one or both of them was going to get seriously hurt.

"Just … be careful," I finally managed.

He grinned at me. "Of course. Aren't I always?"

"No. You're impetuous and spontaneous and utterly care_free_." I sighed heavily and shook my head. "This is complete madness," I muttered to myself. Christian only smiled and, taking me by the elbow, pulled me forward until we were walking again.

Our walk ended as it had begun: in silence. However, instead of a heart aching with sorrow, I now had a stomach tumbling with worry. I half-hoped that Chris's enthusiasm would wane once he had smacked into a few of the walls he would surely encounter, but I knew in my heart that it wouldn't. If anything, those walls would make him more determined.

By the time I had reached my room, I had pretty much accepted that there was nothing I could do except support him in any way I could. It was pure insanity, what he was planning to do, but as his friend, I would not abandon him simply because he would not take my advice. But I would have no part of the lies. It's one thing to not announce one's sexuality to the world; it's another to deny it to gain the approval of others. If Justin ever asked me, I would tell him, and that was that. I have never in my life been ashamed of who I am, and I wasn't about to start feeling that way for anyone.

Not even for Sora.

* * *


	11. Interlude, First Tea

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: A tea is a short break within a ball for people to eat and converse. I thought an interlude like this would be beneficial to the story, to show various conversations going on among the characters. The entire chapter is dialogue, nothing else. Although there is usually only one tea per ball, I very well may do another of these later.

* * *

**Eleven: Interlude -- First Tea **

"Don't you think you overreacted just a little?"

"No."

"But they didn't even do anything! Just hugged a bit."

"Leviticus 18:22. 'No man is to have sexual relations with another man.'"

"And that same set of chapters declares that a woman on her period is unclean and orders you not to wear clothes made of two different materials. … What? You think you're the only one who's read the Bible? I was raised Lutheran, you know."

"It's a disgusting act, punishable by death, so spoken to Moses from the Lord Himself."

"Because the classical cultures were sexually free. If you're rebelling against those in power, naturally you condemn their way of life."

"Why are you _defending_ them?"

"Because I want to be friends with J'nel for Irene's sake, and he's friends with Cloud and Leon."

"Then go and be friends with them already!"

"No. Not without you."

"… What?"

"I said I would stay with you and be here for you whenever you need me, and I mean it. I'm not going anywhere where you won't follow."

* * *

"You're awfully quiet." 

"I am sorry. I was thinking."

"About what?"

"…"

"J'nel?"

"K'dalie xastan ma. A me falanecha en xulava fes ye."

"Um, I'm sorry but I don't know much L'Guan. I know K'dalie means God, and doesn't xulava mean love?"

"I was … commenting on the beauty of the amphitheater."

"Oh. I see."

* * *

"Can I ask you a question?" 

"I suppose."

"Let's pretend for a moment that I'm gay, but I'm repentant and want to be forgiven. What advice would you give me?"

"I would urge you to attend services, study your Bible, pray. Speak with a priest if necessary so he can help you return to the proper path."

"Return? You mean magically change into a heterosexual?"

"Not 'magically', Sora. Just help you make the correct choices for your life."

"Choose you say. So liking guys is a choice."

"Of course it is. It's straying from the path. Sinning against what is holy."

"I see. Well then I have another question for you."

"Okay."

"When did you choose to like girls?"

"…"

"…"

"What?"

* * *

"You're back already? Don't you have a seminar tonight?" 

"It's over. It's already 9:30."

"_What_? Aw, shit, and I have half of my linear algebra assignment to do yet for tomorrow."

"Would you like help?"

"No, I should do it myself. I can't believe I lost track of time. … Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm trying to gauge your mood. It's unlike your normal one and yet not the dangerous one either."

"Ha, are you analyzing me now like some kind of specimen?"

"No, I plan to major in bio-chem, not psychology. But as your roommate, it's beneficial for me to take note of any changes in your temperament."

"Yeah, well, blame Chris for this one. The idiot is in love."

"Why is that cause for alarm?"

"The guy is a Bible-thumping homophobe."

"… oh."

"Yeah."

"I advise the immediate construction of an industrial-strength fallout shelter."

"Good idea."

* * *

"I … can't be friends with them." 

"Okay, I respect that, but can't you at least tolerate them? I mean, there was nothing wrong with Riku, right? Or Christian or J'nel or Yuffie?"

"No."

"And it's not like being around Leon and Cloud is going to somehow taint your soul, right?"

"I … guess not."

"So can we try again maybe? For Irene's sake?"

"Maybe. … For Irene."

* * *

"Leeeeeeoooon!" 

"Shhhh! Yuffie hush! He's sleeping."

"Oh. Well, what are you doing here then, Cloudy? Did you tire him out? Huh? Didja?"

"Shut up."

"Hee hee. Well, I'll talk to you then. I just had the most amazing idea!"

"I bet."

"We should organize a game of wink!"

"…"

"Isn't that a great idea?"

"I hate wink and so does Leon."

"But everyone else loves it! And we can hold it in the CRC so you can force Sora and Justin to come."

"You've got to be kidding."

"It'll be the perfect way to get Sora together with Riku!"

"Yuffie! Are you blind and deaf? There is no way Sora is going to get together with anyone!"

"Pssht. You're no fun."

"And you're insane. I'm going back to bed."

"Hee hee."

"Shut up."

* * *

"Sora?" 

"Yeah?"

"Did you mean it? When you said you won't go anywhere that I won't follow?"

"Of course."

"I … I don't … understand."

"Jay, have you ever had a true friend in your entire life?"

"I'm thinking that maybe I haven't."

"Well, you have one now."

"… Sora?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

* * *

A/N: So yeah, J'nel is lying in case you couldn't tell. And even though I made the decision to leave Max mostly out of this, I had to bring him in for a few of his great one-liners that he does so well. Hope this mini-chapter wasn't too confusing for anyone. 


	12. Corner Partner, Corner Partner

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

* * *

**Twelve: Corner Partner, Corner Partner **

_Corner Partner, Corner Partner: An eight bar figure for three couples.  
First couple begins in second position, standing back to back, facing their first corners.  
1-2: First couple turns first corners by the right hand.  
3-4: First couple turns once and a quarter by the left hand to face second corners.  
5-6: First couple turns second corners by the right hand.  
7-8: First couple turns by the left hand to own sides. _

The lovely scent of baking batter filled my nose as I rocked back and forth from my toes to my heels. "Waaaa-ffles," I sang tunelessly to myself. "Yummy waffles. How I love waffles. Oh, waffly waffles …"

Next to me Justin unsuccessfully tried to keep from laughing. "I can't believe you," he finally said. "You're like a little kid."

I threw him a wide grin and went back to watching the iron as it made my delicious breakfast. "Wonder where Irene is this morning," I outwardly mused as my brain continued to sing the praises of waffles.

"Yeah, it's not like her to miss breakfast," Justin agreed with me. He stood up from where he had been leaning against the counter and cast his eyes about in an attempt to find her.

"Maybe she's skipping," I fake-whispered to him. The waffle was almost done. Just a little bit more …

"I doubt it," Justin replied to me with a smile. "She's the one who wanted to take physics in the first place, remember?"

"Oh, I remember. You don't need to remind me."

He laughed again at the pained expression on my face. _Just think of waffles, Sora. Yummy, fluffy, whipped-cream-covered waffles. Mmmmm…_

"Done! Hooray! Now I just have to top it." I grabbed the handle of the spoon that sat in a tub of syrupy strawberries.

"Ugh, I don't want to be around for this."

"Then go find a table," I told him, spooning large amounts of sugary goop onto the still-hot waffle. "I'll find you."

"I think I w--"

I looked up to see why he had stopped and found him staring at something in the adjoining room. Turning around, I caught sight of Riku, tray in hand, getting a glass of orange juice from the dispenser. My throat immediately constricted, which was good considering my heart was trying to push its way through it and out my mouth. He had his hair up in a messy ponytail, and he looked tired and generally unhappy to be awake. And in spite of that, I still thought he was gorgeous. Think I got it bad? Naah, not me.

Riku's back was mostly towards us, so he hadn't seen us yet. I returned my gaze to Justin to see if he wanted to hide or just ignore. To my surprise, I watched his face harden into something that looked like determination. He shifted his attention to me for a brief second, and I thought I heard him whisper, "For Irene." And then he walked forward, directly towards Riku.

"Good morning," Justin said once he was within earshot.

Riku turned to him with a mixture of disinterest and annoyance, but when he saw who had spoken to him, he blinked several times and his expression cleared. "Good morning." His voice sounded a bit huskier than normal, probably due to the tiredness, and I found my throat squeezing closed even more tightly. His eyes cast about over Justin's shoulder, and when they found mine, he smiled at me. I smiled back and then busied myself with my breakfast again. _Waffles, Sora. Think about waffles_.

I listened carefully as Justin's voice continued, "I wanted to apologize for yesterday. My behavior was … inappropriate."

"Well, I forgive you, but I'm not really the one you should be apologizing to."

"I know." Justin's voice had dropped, and I imagined him lowering his head slightly. When he spoke again, it was in a stronger tone. "Are you here alone?"

"No, I'm here with Chris."

"Oh, well …" _… come on …_ "… would it …" _… say it …_ "… would it be all right if Sora and I joined you?"

_Yes! Justin, I am _so_ proud of you. _

"Sure. That would be great." I lifted my head to see Riku smiling at me again, but when I picked up my tray and walked towards them, the expression on his face turned to one of disgust and alarm. "Sora! I sure hope there's a waffle underneath all that mess!"

I looked down at my pile of strawberries, blueberries, peaches, and lots and lots of whipped cream. "There is. Somewhere."

God, I love waffles.

Christian was so surprised and delighted to see us that he nearly fell off his chair. Justin apologized to him as well, and he took it with an ease and grace that completely soothed all of my roommate's awkwardness. Within half a minute, the four of us were talking and laughing like we were old friends instead of near-strangers.

"So, no Irene this morning?" Christian asked, and Justin and I both shook our heads no. Interestingly, Riku smirked at the question and swallowed a small laugh. Christian raised an eyebrow at him. "What?"

"Nothing," he replied slyly.

"Don't give me that, Aggie. You know something, so spill it."

Riku's eyes narrowed dangerously, and his lips thinned out into a severe frown. "Don't you start calling me that again," he growled. "You know I hate it."

Christian grinned while Justin and I exchanged confused glances. "I know. And you know I hate it when you keep secrets from me."

"What secrets?" Riku snarled. His mood seemed to be inversely related to Christian's. "All I know is that J'nel didn't get back to his room until nearly one in the morning. That's all."

Christian whistled lowly at this revelation. "Well, that explains his absence this morning, and Miss Irene's as well. Although …" He lifted an eyebrow at his friend again. "What were you doing up that late?"

"Linear algebra."

"Ah. Why didn't you get Max to help you?"

"Because I want to _learn_ the stuff, Chris."

"Um, excuse me?" I lifted a hand to get their attention. They both shifted their heads to look at me. With as innocent a smile as I could manage, I asked, "'Aggie'?"

Riku groaned and buried his face in his hands. Laughing, Christian patted him on the head and answered, "Element 47. Ag. Silver." He lifted up a lock of Riku's long hair. "Hence, Aggie."

"I _hate_ it," Riku's voice rumbled from behind his hands.

"He hates it," Christian echoed with a smile. He leaned forward a bit and whispered to me, "Which makes it a great weapon against him. So remember that, Sora." He tapped me gently on the nose before sitting back again.

I blushed in spite of myself. Although Christian's tone had been light-hearted and teasing, the look in his eyes had not. If I had had any doubt of Riku's feelings for me, Christian had just banished them with one subtle look designed to tell me all without alerting Justin. The conflicting feelings of joy and sadness overwhelmed me, and I focused all my attention on my sugar-drenched waffle to keep myself from reacting too badly. Riku still had his face in his hands, but I didn't want to risk meeting his eyes before I could get myself back under control.

"So, change of subject," Christian announced much to my relief. He half-disappeared under the table for a moment and then reappeared with his backpack. "I have something for you," he informed my roommate as he zipped it open and dug inside.

Justin sat up a bit straighter. "Oh yes? What?"

"This!" Christian dropped a thin stack of paper on the table between them. I let my eyes wander over to it and saw several staves of music printed on the top sheet. "A sampling of the pieces we play," he explained as Justin lightly ran his fingers over some of the notes. "I was going to bring it over last night, but it took me longer than expected." He smiled with a trace of what might have been embarrassment. "I wanted to make sure I gave you a good set to look at. So there are some jigs and reels, some strathspeys, and a couple of waltzes." I noticed his eyes watched Justin's face carefully as my roommate idly inspected the pages in front of him.

After a long silence in which Justin barely moved except for some twitching of the fingers of his left hand, he commented quietly, "I don't know. These pieces are awfully simplistic."

Riku had risen his head again, and now he and Christian glanced at each other in worry. "Well, it does get a little dull playing the same thirty-two bars eight times," Riku admitted, "so we often try to mix it up a bit. Variations and things."

Justin tilted his head a bit as he continued to look at the music. "Hmm. I haven't done improv in a while." The mild interest in his voice caused both of the others to noticeably relax. They clearly wanted him to play.

"Why don't you give it a try?" I encouraged him. "At least see if it's something you like." I flicked my eyes briefly over to Riku's and saw his gratitude shining in them. The sight made me smile.

Justin said nothing in reply, but he reached into his own bag, pulled out a pencil, and within moments was making notations on the sheets, murmuring quietly to himself under his breath. The remaining three of us watched him in silence for a moment. Eventually, I lifted my head and informed the other two, "That would be a 'yes'."

"A tentative yes," Justin corrected me, but his gaze did not lift from the music and his pencil had begun to scratch like mad. Perhaps it was still tentative to his mind, but to mine, it was obvious, especially when the pencil lifted and jabbed at Christian. "What do you play again?"

Christian's eyes widened at the change in Justin's attitude. Gone was the shyness and the deep sadness; he was a flurry of activity and excitement. "Flute," Christian answered him.

"And you?" The pencil stabbed at Riku.

"Acoustic guitar."

"And J'nel plays something that sounds like bagpipes," I supplied.

Riku smiled at me with a trace of surprise. "That's right."

A frown formed sharp lines on Justin's perfect face. He had yet to lift his head or look at any of us. "Does no one play the piano?"

"Leon does," Christian answered very softly.

The pencil stopped. Very, very slowly, Justin laid it down. As he breathed deliberately in and out, I snuck a glance at what he had been doing. My own eyes nearly popped out of my head when I saw that he had taken one of the tunes and from it had instantly composed two interlocking melodic lines and a third chord-based line to support the other two. I was so shocked by his astounding talent that I very nearly missed the silent battle that was raging within him. But I recovered in time to see his face twist into that same mask of determination.

"I see," he replied, his voice strained but still strong. "That's good then." And he picked the pencil back up and returned to his work. The first few strokes jerked with unease and hesitation, but the thrill of the music soon soothed his anxiety. My heart swelled and ached with pride as I watched him. I knew every cell of his body was screaming terrible epithets at the prospect of playing in a group with Leon, but he was fighting it. Whether it was for me, for Irene, or for himself, I didn't know, but it didn't really matter. He was going to try.

And that meant that maybe someday, maybe some wonderful day in the far-off future, there would be a little bit of hope shining there for me.

* * *


	13. Hello, Goodbye

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: Damn this damn doc manager not letting me put in at symbols or greater than/less than signs. Ticks me off. The email addresses just look so stupid without them. Oh well. And as much as I didn't want to give Sora and Riku last names, I finally caved.

On another note, I know several of you have been wondering when Sora and Riku will get a bit of alone time, so I'm happy to say that this chapter delivers that to them. ... Man, I miss those windows in Parish ... Anyway, hope you like it!

* * *

**Thirteen: Hello, Goodbye **

_Hello, Goodbye Setting: A variation on the normal pas-de-basque step.  
1-2: Partners set to each other normally.  
3-4: Partners set while moving to the right, turning over right shoulders, ending facing up and down the set.  
5-8: Repeat to the sides of the set.  
These bars are usually repeated so that dancers finish in original places._

I can't believe no one remembered to tell Tifa.

Now, when drawing up the list of those who should be taken out and flogged for the oversight, I would definitely include myself. Just because I had no intention of lying to a direct question didn't mean I wanted the confrontation to occur before the question had even been asked. But I, like everyone else, forgot that Tifa had not been with us when Justin had freaked over Cloud and Leon. Thursday, she had been too stressed to say much of anything to anyone, but by Friday, she was her normal, cheery self again.

I suppose I should be happy. It could have been much worse.

"Good evening, everyone!"

Various forms of response rang out from around the dinner table as she walked up behind me and draped her arms over the top of my head. Her weight shifted forward into me which pushed her breasts into my neck and upper shoulders. Tifa has big breasts. Really big. Max used to stare at them all the time, making me think he had a crush on her, until he revealed he was trying to understand how she could stand upright without causing crippling stress on her lower back. Typical Max.

"Tifa, would you please get your knockers off my neck before they leave permanent marks?"

She laughed at my casual-toned request and pushed them in a little bit more before finally moving back. "Aw, you mean I can't seduce you straight today either? Oh well, I'll try again tomorrow."

_Oh shit_. I froze in my seat, trying desperately not to look over at Justin. Maybe he hadn't heard, or if he had, maybe he hadn't understood …

But he had on both counts. We all looked up at a crash to see he had accidentally knocked his drink over. Sora and J'nel both immediately jumped out of their seats to help him clean up the spill. After a few minutes and several dozen napkins, I found his wide blue eyes staring at me. I had seen that expression before, but it had been aimed at Cloud and Leon. For some reason, seeing it directed towards me set off a rolling wave of anger within my chest.

Before he could open his mouth with that inevitable question, I said sharply, "Yes, Justin, I am also a homosexual, or, as my father would say, 'one of those fucking queers'."

"Fucking queers?" Yuffie asked playfully, swiveling her head around. "Where?" But she soon shut up and shrank back into her seat from all the glares that came her way. The entire mood of the table had iced over; even Tifa understood without having to be told.

Fixing my eyes strongly on Chris's "soulmate", I continued, "I am, however, single and have been since last winter. In addition, although I have dated a few guys, I have done little more than kiss them which makes me as much of a virgin as you undoubtedly are." His pale face flushed at that, and his eyes lowered in a combination of embarrassment and shame. The expression on his face softened my rage considerably, and I finished kindly, "So if it's all right with you, I'd like to go back to eating my dinner."

Justin nodded without meeting my eyes. Softly, he asked, "Are there any other homosexuals at this table that I should know about?"

And there it was. The question. I pointedly did not look at either Chris or Sora but instead watched Justin's hands as they trembled slightly on the table. The silence crept over us, a thick, stifling absence of sound. After almost a full minute, Justin sighed in obvious relief and lifted his eyes. They sought out and found Christian's, and Justin smiled.

My heart twisted.

That had been Friday. Now it was Sunday. Yesterday, Justin, Sora, and Irene had not sat with us. J'nel had explained that Justin wanted a day or two away from us and that Sora and Irene had decided to go with him. But, he said, they would all be back soon; it wasn't permanent.

Then, the email had come. At the time that I first read it, I didn't know whether to be excited or apprehensive.

To: 'Riku Landis' (rlandis3)  
From: 'Sora Skyhawke' (sskyhaw1)  
Subject: Hang out with me?

Hey, Riku!

Sorry I haven't been able to see you for a couple of days. Justin kind of needed me, and I wanted to be there for him. But I'll see you tonight at dinner, and then I was wondering if you wanted to hang out with me afterwards. Justin has mass at 6:00 and then a prayer group after that, so I'll be on my own for a while. If you want to hang out, just let me know at dinner. I'll see you there!

-Sora

And that left me here, a few steps behind Sora as we climbed the winding stairs in Parish to the second floor. I thought we were going to the CRC for some reason, but instead of opening the door to the large common room, he led me a little further to the two small classrooms that for some strange reason existed in this dorm. They were both dark, their doors closed, but Sora opened the right one and motioned for me to follow him inside.

When I reached out to flick on the lights, he grabbed my wrist. "No, leave them off."

"But the sun is going down," I protested, trying not to care that he was touching me.

He smiled that big, bright smile of his, and I felt my insides begin to morph into mush. "It's more fun this way," he insisted. His fingers moved down to grasp my hand -- I caught my gasp before it could leave my mouth -- and he pulled me through the semi-dark to one of the enormous windows. Dropping my hand, he gracefully climbed onto the huge sill, positioned his back against the side, drew up his legs so that they only took up half the sill's length, and then turned to me with a smile of invitation. I accepted immediately, climbing up with him and taking the other half of the sill.

"You see," he explained to me, turning his head to look out the window, "this way, once it gets completely dark, we can see everyone below, but they won't be able to see us."

I smirked gently at him. "So are you a spy or just too nosy for your own good?"

He chose not to answer me, but a delicate blush spread over his face. Even though I wanted to just sit there and look at him, I turned my head like he had and gazed out the window.

After a few moments of silence, I asked, "So what did you want to talk about?"

"Why do you think I wanted to talk about something?" he asked back.

I shrugged. "Dunno. It just seemed odd that you wanted to 'hang out' by people-watching in an abandoned classroom."

A small smile tugged at his lips. "I do this all the time," he admitted. Then, in a quieter tone, he added, "I just wanted to share it with someone."

"Then I'm honored that you chose me," I assured him. In a burst of bravery, I reached over to the hand that rested on his drawn-up knees and captured it for a brief squeeze before returning my hand to my own side. His blush and his smile deepened a shade.

Sitting there on that windowsill, half-squashed with the tips of my shoes pressed firmly against the tips of his, I felt completely comfortable and at ease. Even though he said he hadn't brought me there to talk, we fell into a gentle conversation, talking lightly about inconsequential things and watching daytime slowly turn into night. Yet, as time wore on, our topics became more personal and more difficult, as if the darkening of the sky outside corresponded to the darkening of our words. Sora had asked me about my family, and even though he kept dancing around the subject of my Friday-night revelation, I knew he would go there eventually.

I had just finished telling the story of the time my father and I tried to cook dinner and ended up setting the kitchen on fire when I saw the flicker of hesitation in Sora's eyes that signaled an important and difficult question. "Your dad sounds nice."

"Yeah, he's not bad."

"But, from what you said the other night, it sounded like he doesn't approve of …"

_And here we go_. "Of gays?" I finished for him with an encouraging smile. When he just nodded in response, I continued, "Yeah, he flipped out when I told him I'm one of those sick bastards he always used to bitch about."

"So you told him then?"

"Better than living a lie." The words slipped out before I could stop them, but once they were out, I didn't regret them. Even at the slight look of pain on Sora's face. It's how I feel after all, how I've always lived. The pain of telling the truth is never as awful as the pain of lying.

Sora's eyes had slipped away from mine, back to the dark outside the window. "Does he hate you now?"

"No," I answered with a shake of my head. "He's calmed down considerably since that first fight we had. He's not happy about it, of course, but at least he tolerates me now. And my Mom's been fine the whole time, which is helpful."

Sora nodded, and an expression that resembled relief flickered over his face. Relief for me? That my home life wasn't hell, perhaps. Something pushed up against my chest from the inside, making it hurt. He was just so selfless, so caring for others. It made me want to dedicate myself to him, to ensure that this angelic being before me wouldn't get trampled on and destroyed by an uncaring world. But even as I let my eyes travel over his gentle profile -- the curve of his nose, the soft protrusion of his half-smiling lips -- I knew it wasn't necessary. Sora was not a fragile angel with gossamer butterfly wings and a heart made of clouds and sunbeams; he was an angel of strength, one that could tear down fortress walls with one hand and lift up an entire people with the other. Not a rosy-cheeked child with a harp but a Biblical soldier with a horn that could shake the Heavens.

And really, it's good that he is so, because I am not an angel. I'm just a man. A being who feels pain and dislikes it and will distance himself from it if necessary. The more I saw of Sora, the more I realized that Chris had been right, that I was falling in love with him. But if Sora did not return my feelings or if he chose his current path of denying himself to help Justin … well, I can only take so much before I decide it isn't worth it anymore.

"Riku?" His amazing eyes of truth had found me, and I looked into their blue depths with heart-pounding admiration. "You've gone awfully quiet."

I had to do this. God help me, but I had to. "I was just thinking about that night at dinner. When Justin asked all the queers to stand up and be counted." The eyes fell, and I knew why but pretended not to. "You didn't say anything, so I can assume you're straight?"

A horrible forced laugh pushed its way through his lips. "Can you see Justin rooming with a gay man?" he asked back, avoiding the question asked but answering the one I had held inside.

"No," I replied, playing along with the game. I turned away from him and the painfully obvious mask he had pulled over his face and instead let my eyes roam over the darkened trees outside. "It's a shame," I said quietly. "If you were, I would have asked you out."

The silence that followed was so long that I thought I would have to break it myself, but then he said in an even quieter voice than my own, "If I were, I would have said yes."

At that moment, I didn't know whether to laugh in delight or scream in agony. He would have said yes. He was interested in me just as I was in him. But instead of falling into each others' arms in ecstasy, we were sitting in a window, not looking at each other, with an invisible wall firmly between us.

"Really?" I asked, my voice steadier than I thought possible. "You would have?"

"Yeah." I kept my eyes away from him, but I could easily imagine the slight blush on his cheeks. "You're really nice and attractive and fun to be with."

"So are you."

He laughed, the embarrassment now clear in his voice. "If you say so."

"I do say so," I insisted. "And I would have said so many times on our date."

"Our date," he echoed softly. Then, in an innocent tone that made me positively ache, he mused, "I wonder where we would have gone."

I shut my eyes and inhaled slowly. This was a game I wasn't sure I wanted to play. Did I want this memory in my mind? Did I want to let it in so that it could return to me on lonely nights and torture me? I struggled with it, back and forth, and slowly I began to let the temptation take over. Why shouldn't I have one night of fantasy? One night where everything was perfect, if only for just a moment. One night of Sora.

Half in a dream, I said, "I probably would have suggested taking you to a movie. A weekend showing in Dupont maybe."

"That would have been fine. As long as it wasn't a stupid, bathroom-humor comedy."

"Nah. Probably a foreign film or something classic. Like a Hitchcock."

"That would be awesome." Even in the dark, I could see his bright smile, and it encouraged me to smile as well. Lightly, he teased, "Of course, the movies here are free, so it wouldn't be like a real date or anything."

I laughed. "Give me a break! I'm a poor college kid!" As he laughed back, I continued seriously, "But I'd do my best to make it feel like a date. I'd open doors for you when I could, and just as the lights went down, I'd reach out and take your hand."

His gentle sigh sent shivering sparks up my spine, and again I wondered if I should be doing this. But I decided with a twinge of fearful excitement to just go with it and see where it took us. Letting my imagination have full control, I continued, "After the movie, I'd walk you back here, probably to this classroom so we could have some privacy, and then I'd leave you briefly and go upstairs to Cloud's room."

"Why Cloud's room?"

"Because he has a fridge. I wouldn't be gone long, and when I came back, I'd have two spoons and a pint of your favorite ice cream. I would have gotten the flavor ahead of time, of course, from Irene maybe --"

"Chocolate chip cookie dough!"

I laughed at his child-like expression of joy. "Or from you. And then we'd have our dessert and talk about the movie or whatever else you wanted to talk about. We'd probably end up staying here far longer than we should. I'd undoubtedly miss the last shuttle back to ML."

"If you did, I'd offer you a blanket and a space on my floor."

"For which I'd be grateful, but I'd still decline."

"Fine, but I'd insist that you call me when you got back so I'd know you were okay." Sora's face had hardened into a grim determination, as if in his heart he believed that our dream-weaving was real. It hurt to look at, but I did anyway, burning the sight into my memory, every curve of his face, every line. The sight of Sora thinking of me with affection-filled worry.

Once I trusted my voice again, I continued, "Before I left, though, I'd say goodnight to you. Again, probably here so that you wouldn't feel embarrassed just standing in your hall. I'd tell you how much fun I had had, how much I enjoyed being with you, and how much I would love to do it again as soon as you wanted."

"Would you … kiss me?" he asked in a near-whisper.

"Not automatically. First, I'd listen to your response, examine your expression and your eyes, and try to see if you wanted me to."

"Well, I tend to be romantic, so I think I would want you to."

"Then I would." I shut my eyes and leaned my head back against the side of the window, and I could tell that Sora was doing the same. "I'd lift a hand to your cheek first and touch it softly for a moment, just looking in your eyes and losing myself in their depth and beauty. Then I'd move a bit closer, circle my other arm about your waist, and use my hand to lift your chin. I'd watch as your eyes slowly slid shut in anticipation, and as I moved my face closer to yours, I'd let my own eyes close as well. Just before our lips touched, I'd stop for a second to breathe in your own breath and enjoy the feeling of having you so close to me. And then I would kiss you -- gently, but still with all the power of this feeling I have for you in my heart."

"Riku…" His voice was deep and breathy. I opened my eyes to look at him and found him gazing at me with a intensely mesmerizing expression. Even though I had not touched him, the glow in his eyes gave the impression that I had just kissed him, and I had no doubt my own face looked the same.

Wordlessly, he moved his legs so that they half-hung off the sill, and, scooting his body closer, he lifted his hands and took mine which had been dangling off of my knees. I stared into his eyes, utterly entranced, and my mind shut down, letting my body take over. I mimicked his position, moving my own legs to the side, and pulled him closer to me. He released my right hand, and I lifted it to his face, just as I had said I would. Slowly, I stroked his cheek, relishing the smooth softness under my calloused fingertips. His eyelids fluttered and threatened to close, but he remembered how much I enjoyed looking into his eyes and kept them open for me. I had just begun to move my other arm to his waist and lean down when the moment shattered.

_Bong, bong, bong, bong … Bong, bong, bong, bong … _

The bells of Tarble. Signaling the half hour. They had rung at fifteen minute intervals all night, but this time, they heralded the end of our dream.

Sora sprang backwards out of my arms, and I let him go without complaint.

"Eight-thirty," he said, not looking at me. "I should go."

"Okay."

"Thanks for hanging out with me tonight."

"Thanks for asking me."

He nodded, jumped down from the window, and started walking towards the door to leave. Just as he reached it, I stopped him.

"Sora." When he turned around and looked at me, I asked, "He really means that much to you?" I didn't need to say who. We both knew.

He gazed at me with pain-stricken eyes. "I made a promise," he answered in a low voice.

And that was that. He left. I stayed. I sat there in the silence and the darkness with only my memories and my aching heart. And after a while, I pulled my legs back up onto the sill, rested my head on my knees, and did something I hadn't done in a very long time.

I cried.

* * *


	14. Figure Eights

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

* * *

**Fourteen: Figure Eights**

_Figure Eights: An eight-bar figure for two couples.  
The second couple remains inactive throughout the entire figure.  
1-4: First woman dances around second man while first man dances around second woman, first woman crossing in front of first man to begin.  
5-8: First woman dances around second woman while first man dances around second man, again first woman crossing in front.  
The figure ends with first couple in original places. _

When I got back to my room after leaving Riku on the second floor, I found it still empty. I figured Justin had gotten into a deep discussion at prayer group, and the session had run long. At first, I considered cracking open some Shakespeare or some Sophocles, but then I realized I was one good mental push from a breakdown and that I should get out of there before Justin came back and asked what was wrong. If it had been anything else, I could have cried to him, but I couldn't tell him about _this_.

A quick call determined that Irene was in her room and would be more than happy to have me over. As I walked over to Wharton, the tears started coming down, and by the time I was knocking on her door, I was a complete mess. She barely had the door open before I had thrown myself at her and begun bawling about how I wanted to be with Riku and how he wanted to be with me but we couldn't because of Justin and it just wasn't _fair!_ Thank God her roommate wasn't in. I didn't want anyone thinking I was a complete lunatic. Anyone other than my friends who already did, that is.

Speaking of which, she did have one guest over: J'nel. Didn't really surprise me after how much they had been talking and flirting and everything since they practically laid eyes on each other. By the cards strewn about on the floor and the little board with pegs, I used my amazing mental powers to deduce that she had been trying to teach him cribbage. That was after I had finished crying, of course. The amazing mental powers tend to take a coffee break when you're busy trying to start the second forty-day flood all by yourself.

Once I had stopped sobbing and had collapsed against her side as we sat on the floor, Irene ran her hand up and down my back and did her best to soothe me. "Poor Sora," she murmured, and I agreed wholeheartedly. Yes, poor me indeed. "And poor Riku, too." She sighed. "What a mess this all is."

"I am afraid I do not understand entirely," J'nel said. He had started to pick up the cards while I cried, and now he straightened them and placed them back in the pack. "Why can they not simply be together?"

"Because," Irene explained, "if Sora started to date Riku, it would ruin his relationship with Justin. You saw how he reacted to Leon and Cloud and then again to Riku."

J'nel blinked his feline eyes a few times before continuing, "Yes, but why is a friendship more important than a love? I admit most -- no, nearly all of my exposure to human thinking has come from Chris, but I was under the impression that love is the most important thing that can happen to a human."

"Well yes, but …" Irene paused for several moments and tried to think of a good way to explain. As for me, I kept silent. Girls are usually better at this kind of stuff. "There are different kinds of love," she finally said. "Friendship in itself is a form of love. And when you have a situation like this, where two loves cannot coexist, where you have to choose between them, the best you can do is try to determine which one will be better for everyone concerned in the long run."

I sat up a bit and took over the conversation. "And with me and Riku, well it'll really suck that we can't be together. It'll hurt a lot, probably for a long time. But we'll both get over it eventually, you know? We'll move on. But with Justin …" I paused to look at Irene who smiled encouragingly at me. "I'm just really scared of what might happen if I left him. I still can't forget the look in his eyes when he all but said that the only reason he's alive right now is because suicide is a sin."

"But Sora," Irene interjected softly, taking my hands in hers, "he's really much better now. Did you hear him at dinner tonight? Laughing like that?" I smiled at the memory. Yeah, I had heard, and it had been wonderful. Irene brought my attention back to her when she continued, "Maybe you don't have to keep that promise. At least, not forever."

I stared at her in surprise and a bit of shock. "What? You mean abandon him?"

"No," she replied quickly, "not abandon him. He has more than just you now. He has me and the rest of the girls. And J'nel and Christian. And you saw how fast he got over Riku. He'll get over you."

No, I didn't believe that for a second. "But I'm his roommate!" I protested. "And Riku told him the truth before he was even asked. I've lied to him. Twice!"

J'nel chose that moment to join the conversation. "And Christian has more than friendship on his mind. He has …" His forehead creased for a moment, and he muttered, "Fa se te English phfa ix … an ulterior motive?"

Irene and I both just blinked at him. "What?" I finally asked.

J'nel fidgeted under our twin stares. "Well, I am not sure I should be telling you this, but … Christian has decided that Justin is his soulmate."

After about a minute and a half of complete silence and laser-vision staring, Irene whispered, "Please tell me you're kidding."

"I wish I was," he replied with a very small and extremely apologetic smile. "Riku and I have been telling him what an utter fool he is, but he will not listen to us."

"Is he insane?" I cried. Irene protested with a mild "Sora …" but I ran right over her. "Has he even been paying attention? Justin could be the poster boy for religious conservatism. He's more Catholic than the Pope is! He prays half a dozen times a day, he knows all the saints and their feast days, and he can practically recite the Bible from front to back!"

To my surprise, J'nel laughed shortly and said, "If my mother threw me in a closet every time I forgot my prayers, I'd have them all memorized, too."

Instantly, my throat closed up and I went back to staring at him stupidly. Next to me, Irene gasped out, "What? A closet?"

J'nel regarded us for a moment. "You did not know?" When we both shook our heads, he explained, "Justin's mother used to confine him and his sister in closets when they made mistakes reciting their prayers or their religious lessons. She did it so they could meditate without interruption or distraction." He smiled slightly. "Apparently, Justin found that he could practice his music by using a dustpan and a small broom, so he would do that when the darkness became too oppressive."

"That's terrible," Irene breathed, but I had something else on my mind.

"How did you know that?"

J'nel shrugged. "Christian told me."

"And how did he know?" I demanded, not liking where this was going.

"Justin told him."

"I don't believe this!" I exploded, clutching the hair on the sides of my head. "I've been trying to get him to talk to me ever since we got here! He knows Christian for less than a week, and already he's spilling out his life story! It's _not fair!_"

Irene chuckled softly. "Maybe they really are soulmates." The death glare I sent her only made her laugh more.

"Yeah, but even if they are," I grumbled, releasing my hair before I gave myself a headache, "when he finds out that Chris has been lying to him, too, Jay is not going to be happy. It very well may destroy everything we build up to that point. That whole faulty foundation thing."

"Maybe," she agreed with a sigh. She leaned her head gently against mine, and I wrapped an arm around her waist to support her. For a moment, I thought I saw a brief flicker of jealousy in J'nel's eyes before he remembered I'm not a threat. "At this point," she said, "we should probably just let things go and see where they end up."

"I guess," I conceded. Then, I added, "But that just gives me more reason to stay and keep that promise. Even if it means Riku and I can't …" I stopped myself before I invited the tears to start again. In response to what went unsaid, Irene slipped her arms around me in a strong hug, and even J'nel smiled at me in sympathy.

The three of us talked for about another half hour before Justin called, wondering where I was. Irene courteously walked both J'nel and me to the front door. Once outside, he said a brief goodnight and then left to catch the shuttle. I watched Irene watch him go, and a wide smile spread over my face at the loving look on hers.

"Are you two … you know … together yet?"

She shook her head and frowned slightly. "No, not really."

"Why not?" I nearly whined.

She half-sighed, half-laughed at me. "I don't know, Sora. We just aren't."

Looking into her pretty face and the mild frustration there, I thought of a brilliant idea. "Well, next time you're together, kiss him!" When she started laughing in earnest, I insisted, "No, do it. Knock his alien socks off! Um … he does wear socks right?"

"Good night, Sora."

"No, really. You should kiss him good."

"Good _night_, Sora."

"Good night, Irene."

That had been Sunday. A whole week went by with nothing much of interest happening, but when Friday rolled around, I guess the gods decided it was time to mess with me again. As if I didn't have enough trouble in my life trying to keep up a mask of happiness around all my friends when really I was miserable inside because there was Riku right over there, looking at me like it was my fault we were sitting here ignoring our feelings and weren't making out in a corner somewhere … well, okay so it was my fault, but I didn't want it to be my fault and really I was just as unhappy as he obviously was so I'm just as much a victim, right?

Right.

Aaaaaaanyway …

Friday night, Justin and I were in our room together although he was sorting through some music as preparation to go over to ML and practice with Chris and Riku. He had invited me to come as well, but I was feeling particularly depressed and figured I would just lie on my bed and sulk for most of the night.

"Hey, Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you play that piece you wrote for your sister for me?"

He lifted his head from the explosion of sheet music covering the floor and gazed at me in confusion. "Okay. But why?"

I shrugged into my mattress. "Dunno. It's pretty and sad and I liked it and I'm feeling sad so I wanna hear it again."

"You? Sad?" I could hear the disbelief in his voice.

"Yeah."

"You, Sora?"

"Yeah, yeah," I all but growled. "I know, alert the media. Doomsday is coming."

He chuckled gently before apologizing. A few seconds later, the beautiful melancholy tune was washing over me. I shut my eyes and just listened. Again, I could hardly believe that Justin had written this amazing piece of music. And as I listened, I began to wonder just why a talent like his was being wasted on a math major.

When the final notes died away, I rolled over onto my side and said, "Jay, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, Sora." He had turned away from me to put the violin in its case.

"Why aren't you majoring in music?"

He froze for a second, but it was long enough for me to notice. Once his motions had resumed, he spoke again, but I could hear the strain in his voice. "I'm going to apply to the University for ships' training, so I'll need a math or science degree."

"But why?" I insisted, determined to push. "You don't belong on an IASE ship. You belong in a concert hall. You should be touring, selling albums, making millions off your original compositions."

"Sora …" he whispered, effectively stopping my fantasies. "It would never work."

"_Why_?"

"It just … it just wouldn't."

I pouted fiercely at the back of his head. He was hiding from me again; I could tell. Well, this time I wasn't going to let him. "Why won't you tell me?" I demanded, sitting up on the bed and folding my arms angrily across my chest. "You'll tell Christian. Why not me?"

He swiveled his head to me in surprise which only deepened at my upset expression. "What are you talking -- ?"

"I know you're telling Christian about yourself," I cut him off. "Things you haven't even told me yet. What does he have that I don't? I cared about you first, darn it!"

A half-smile of amazement slowly spread over Justin's face. "Sora, are you _jealous_?"

"Darn right I am!" I replied, and I stomped my foot on the ground like a little kid. "I'm your _roommate_. And I've been working my butt off trying to help you and make you happy. It's not fair that you're going to him now instead of me."

"But Sora," Justin tilted his head at me, still surprised that I would be so upset, "does it matter who makes me happy as long as I am happy?"

"Yes." I immediately realized what I had said and corrected myself in the same tone. "No." Then: "I don't know. It shouldn't, but it does. Why does it matter? I don't know. But it matters. Even though it shouldn't … aargh!" I dropped my head into my hands in frustration.

Justin's laughter rang out and echoed around the room at my outburst, and I realized immediately why I was so jealous. Because that sound made me feel so good. The sound of laughter coming from such a tired and pain-ridden heart. But I couldn't tell him that; he'd think I was coming on to him and freak. The thing is I'm not in love with Justin. Just his laughter.

My bed dipped slightly, and I felt Justin's body next to mine. His hands grabbed onto my wrists and pulled my arms down away from my face.

"Come on, Sora," he said gently. "Cheer up, okay? I hate seeing you like this."

I smiled lopsidedly at him. "Really?"

"Yeah, really." His face brightened a bit as he suggested, "Would you reconsider coming with me tonight? I'm sure you'll have fun, too. There are bound to be people there who want to do something other than listen to us play."

"I guess …" A thought came to me, and I grinned at him. "… _if_ you'll tell me something about yourself. Something you haven't told Chris."

He just shook his head at me in amused disbelief. "You're a piece of work."

"Thank you," I chirruped with an even wider grin. He laughed again, and this time I joined him. It felt good to laugh. I hadn't done it for real in a week. "Soooo …" I prodded.

Justin never replied for someone knocked on our door at that precise moment. Sighing slightly, I pushed myself off the bed to answer it. And when I opened the door, all thoughts of Justin left my mind.

It was Irene. In tears.

As I stood there and stared, she lifted her dark head, found my eyes with her still-flowing ones, and whispered, "I kissed him."

One of these days, I will learn to keep my big mouth shut.

* * *

A/N: I apologize for the cliffhanger, but the rest of this needs to be in Riku's POV which means a new chapter. I'll try to get it up as soon as I can. 


	15. The Knot

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: I actually wanted to use The Knot for a different chapter, but I'm running out of dance figures and I didn't think they would last that long. So this one works as well. Not sure what I'll do for chapter titles later on. Maybe use actual dances.

Hope this update was fast enough for you. FYI, N'Darie cry blood instead of water, and their blood color is blue, not red. Figured I'd explain it here instead of do a Basil Exposition moment in the chapter itself.

* * *

**Fifteen: The Knot **

_The Knot: A progressive eight-bar figure for two couples  
1: Couples turn halfway by the right into allemande hold facing down.  
2-4: Second couple leads first couple down and then up the women's side of the set.  
5-6: Women drop their partner's right hand and dance across the set to the men's side.  
7-8: Couples turn halfway by the left hand to own sides.  
The figure ends with couples in progressed places. _

Something was seriously wrong with J'nel, and damn, it was scaring me. He had completely cleaned his room, and when I say clean, I mean _sterilized_. Not only was every flat surface spotless, but he had also taken down all of his pictures and had put away all of his photos except for one of him and his four siblings. Instead of his usual casual shirt and jeans, he had dug out and now wore this plain, light-brown tunic and pants thing with a deep blue sash around his waist that had some fancy crest embroidered on it in white thread. He had his hair down and styled so that a lock or two hung in front of his pointed ears and the rest fell straight to his shoulders -- a style favored by most of the snobby aristocrats of his class. In fact, if not for the familiar frown on his face as he studied his biology textbook, I would have thought I was looking at a completely different person, an actual N'Darie newly arrived on Earth.

I could only stand in the doorway and stare at him.

"What the hell is this?" Chris asked, standing next to me with his arms folded over his chest.

J'nel lifted his head slightly and just blinked at us. His face was totally emotionless, and it only served to make me even more weirded out. He had never acted like this. Chris had told me that even when he arrived, he was already loosened up and halfway to being a card-carrying human.

"Seriously, man," Chris tried again, "you're freaking Aggie out. His face is as white as his hair."

The fact that I didn't immediately snap at him for the stupid nickname attested to how disturbed I actually was. But instead of laughing at my plight or griping at Chris to leave me alone -- normal _friend_ things to do -- J'nel only rose to his feet, very slowly.

"Please, Christian Edelson," he replied in a dead voice that I had never heard from him before, "I am attempting to study. If you do not mind, I would request that you two leave now."

Christian's eyes had gone wide at J'nel's use of his full name. Another thing that never happened. "J'nel," he asked quietly, "what's wrong with you? Is this some kind of joke?"

A flicker of sadness passed over the other's face, but he quickly caught it and hid it away. "I would also request that you refer to me as Friend J'nelefe from now on."

And at that, Chris exploded. "What the fuck!?" he nearly screamed. "Have you lost your mind? What is this 'Friend' shit all of a sudden?"

"It is more respectful," J'nel answered without flinching like I had.

"Respectful? My ass! It's fucking idiotic, and you're the one who told me so!"

"A k've ch'genit mela menat."

"Just like that? In one day?"

"Sa ye s'lai, en n'dahn deya."

"That's fucking impossible. And talk in English! I've had enough of this homesickness crap."

"Nai, A vel naet."

I had no idea what they were saying, but the murderous look in Chris's eyes at J'nel's last statement made me shrink back several steps into the hallway. This had to be a bad dream or something. I just couldn't think of any reason why J'nel would have reverted so badly. What the hell had happened?

I got my answer sooner than I had thought I would. Even as I began to wonder if I would have to jump on Christian in order to restrain him, someone came clomping up the stairs. I turned my head and saw, to my heart-stopping shock, Sora standing there. His head was tilted down, and he glared up at me from under his bangs with eyes of destruction. Before I could find my voice to question him, he had stomped down the hallway and pushed me aside.

Sora shoved a surprised Christian aside as well and stopped directly in front of J'nel. Even though he was at least a foot shorter than the N'Darie, he stared up at him with barely-restrained rage. They held each other's eyes for several seconds -- long enough for me to remember how to breathe -- and then Sora pulled his fist back …

… and _socked_ J'nel across the face.

I don't know what surprised me more: that Sora had just punched J'nel or that J'nel had let him do it. Sora had wound up some, enough for someone like me to have realized what he was about to do and to have put up a hand to stop him. And J'nel was not just someone. He had been trained to fight since his youth as part of his heritage. His reflexes were insane, and he had an amazing strength in spite of his bony, frail appearance. He should have been able to block Sora's punch and deliver one of his own that would have sent the poor kid to the hospital. But instead, he had taken it and still had not moved his head from the position in which Sora's fist had snapped it.

"You," Sora hissed between clenched teeth. "You made Irene cry. I swore that if anyone hurt her, if anyone made her cry, he would have to answer to me. And you …" He blinked a bit at J'nel who still had not moved. "Say something!" Sora demanded, his anger making his chest heave. "Aren't you going to fight back? Do you want me to hit you again?"

He pulled his arm back again, but this time I caught it before he could deliver another punch. "Sora, don't," I whispered to him as I pulled him away from J'nel. An ugly blue bruise was already beginning to form on the other's face.

"So that's what this is about," Chris commented as I got Sora under control. "You've fallen in love with Irene, and it flipped you out, so you've run back home in the only way you can."

From behind the green hair that covered his face, J'nel replied softly, "I am already engaged, Christian."

Chris snorted loudly. "To some girl you've never even met. Pardon me for being crazy, but I would have thought you'd prefer to live out your life with someone you love."

Finally, J'nel moved. He walked over to his desk and carefully ran his fingers over the bottom of the frame that held the picture of his family. Eventually, he said, "I have more than one love, and they cannot coexist."

For some reason, that set Sora off again. "You bastard!" he screeched. He tried to lunge at J'nel again, causing me to have to grab him around the waist to hold him in place. "How dare you use her own words against her! I'll kill you!"

"Riku," Chris ordered, "get him out of here."

"Right." Using all my strength, I dragged Sora, still flailing and screaming, into my room, threw him onto my bed, and kicked the door closed behind us. To the other person in the room, I said, "Max, out."

My roommate lifted his dark head from his book and gazed at me calmly. He flicked his eyes over Sora, red in the face and panting, and his lips turned up in a small smile. "Am I being sexiled?" he asked innocently.

"Fuck you," I replied. "Out."

Unfazed by my response, Max nodded, gathered up a few things in his bag, and quietly left the room. The occasional dig aside, he really was an excellent roommate, and as I watched him leave, I made a mental note to get him some strawberries and chocolate the next time I was at the Co-op as a thank you.

Once Max had shut the door behind him, I rounded on Sora. "Now, what the hell is this all about?"

Slitted blue eyes of flame glared at me with an intensity that almost scared me. "He made her cry," the hissed response came.

I crossed my arms and resolved not to let him get to me. "I figured that out," I replied cockily. "Why? How?"

Sora shut his eyes and jerked his head away from me. A little more subdued, he answered, "She was getting tired of him avoiding her important questions, so she took it into her own hands and kissed him. She told me he kissed back at first, but then he pulled away all of a sudden and told her they couldn't see each other anymore."

Slowly, I released the breath I had been unconsciously holding and ran a hand tiredly through my hair. "I see. And then he came back here and went wacko on us. But, Sora," I shook my head at him, "did you really have to clock him one?"

His harsh eyes snapped back to me. "He deserved it!"

Something in his furious expression made my own anger flare. I had been so fucking miserable all week what with constantly having to pretend that his presence wasn't tearing gaping holes in my heart. It just all came to a head at that moment, and I yelled back at him, "So when Chris comes over next week and punches _you_ in the face, I guess you won't complain, huh?"

My outburst predictably shocked him into silence. After a moment, he stuttered out, "Wh-what?"

The adorable mixed expression of confusion and pain that filled his face pulled on my heart, but my own pain and my anger effectively drowned out any guilt that I might have felt. "You heard me," I replied unfeelingly. "You and J'nel aren't much different. Both hurting the ones you care about thanks to some stupid choice you made."

"It's not stupid!" Sora hollered.

"Well neither is J'nel's!" I hollered right back. He shrank back from me, but I pressed forward. "If he dates a human girl, he could get in serious trouble with his family. They could pull him out of here and force him to go home, or worse, they could disown him. Did you know that?" Even before Sora had started shaking his head no, I barreled on, "Of course you didn't! So maybe you should get all the facts before you make snap judgments and start doling out punishment!"

A sharp knocking interrupted me from yelling at Sora any more, so I yelled at the door instead. "What?!"

"It's me," Chris's voice replied. When I opened the door for him, he explained, "You've got a box of tissues, right? I need it. Quickly."

I grabbed the box off of my dresser and was handing it to him when I noticed the blue stains all over his hands and part of his shirt. "Oh shit," I breathed.

"Yeah," Chris answered my unspoken question. He wiggled the box a bit. "That's why I need these. Before he bleeds all over the place."

"What -- ?" Sora asked in a small voice.

"You made him cry," I told him in a tone full of acid.

As Sora's eyes widened to the size of saucers, Chris cut in, "It wasn't Sora. It's this whole damn situation." He spared Sora a characteristic grin. "Damn freshmen. Ruining all of our lives." Returning his attention to me, he clapped me encouragingly on the shoulder once and said, "I need to get back. He's a frigging mess."

I just nodded, and he left, closing the door behind him. His interruption had had the side effect of draining out all my anger, leaving me empty and tired. When I chanced a glance at Sora, I saw he was the same. Neither of us moved for several minutes. Finally, he whispered, "Riku, I'm sorry."

"Sora …"

In an instant, he was standing next to me, his arms wrapped around my waist, his head on my chest. I let my own arms fall around him, and I pressed my head down into his soft hair. He began to speak again, and I had to strain to hear his muffled voice.

"You're right. Our situations are a lot alike. J'nel's and mine. I just didn't realize it until … Riku, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you this much. I really didn't …"

"It's all right," I murmured to him, holding him a bit more tightly. "I forgive you. And even if I hate it, I understand." I pressed a kiss to the top of his head and smiled at the shiver it produced in him.

After a few more minutes of warm, comfortable silence, he commented, "We're like Pyramus and Thisbe, you and I. Forbidden to be together. Whispering words of love to each other through a crack in a wall."

The analogy made me cringe. "No, Sora, we're not," I replied immediately. When he looked up at me in surprise, I captured his eyes with my own and stated clearly, "I refuse to make love to you through a wall. And while I respect that it isn't my place to get involved, you should know that you're going to have to tear that wall down or I'm going to move on without you."

"Tear it down …" he echoed with a glazed look of dread in his eyes.

"Yes. I'll help if you want it, but it's going to have to come down if you want to be with me. I will not hide from anyone, and I'm sure as hell not going to plunge a sword in my chest over you."

Tears shimmered in his eyes and beaded on his lashes, but he managed a small smile and a lightly teasing tone. "You're not going to kill yourself for me? I'm insulted."

As we laughed gently together, he pulled himself from my arms and took a few steps back. "How much time do I have?" he asked.

"I'm not sure," I answered honestly. "I'll wait for a while, but I don't know how long it will be before the pain gets to be too much to bear."

A sad smile spread over his face. "That's okay," he replied quietly. "I'll be able to judge it based on my own pain." A few awkward seconds passed, and then he lifted a hand, rubbed the back of his head absently, and said, "I should get back. I left Jay and Irene in rather a hurry. They're probably worried about me."

"Okay," I said with a nod. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yeah. See you tomorrow."

He threw a final smile over his shoulder as he left. Once he had disappeared, I walked over to the room across the hall, partly to see if there was anything I could do to help and partly to get my tissues back. I had a feeling I would be needing them later on.

* * *


	16. Gypsy

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: Well, after all those chapters of drama and sadness and love that should be but can't, I thought it might be nice to do something fluffy. So a chapter of fun courtesy of our favorite ninja. Yes, there is no real point to this other than to make you laugh and to set up the wink game. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

**Sixteen: Gypsy **

_Gypsy: A figure predominantly used in English dancing whereby partners turn without taking hands.  
Also affectionately called a "turn by the eyes". _

When lunchtime came around on Saturday, Justin and I offered to eat in the small room with Irene if she didn't want to deal with sitting at J'nel's table. She thanked us but declined, saying she could handle it. When we got to the table, however, I found myself wishing she had agreed. She very nearly killed me when she saw what I had done to his face. How was I supposed to know N'Darie bruise so easily?

The meal itself was more pleasant than I had expected it to be. Chris and J'nel sat at the very end, and they spent the entire time talking to each other in L'Guan. Riku sat with them even though I knew he couldn't speak the alien language. He seemed to be there for moral support only, for which I admired him.

Irene, Justin, and I sat at the other end with our physics textbooks and our homework papers spread out around us. My two "friends" had decided we should check our work with each other and, in spite of my heated protests, had talked me into bringing my stuff with me to lunch. I made a fair show of grumbling my discontent although I was pleased to see that I had done most of the assignment correctly.

In between the two groups that housed the should-have-been-lovers, Tifa, Cloud, and Leon carried on their own conversation. Although, to be fair, I should say Tifa talked while Cloud made noncommittal responses when absolutely necessary and Leon ignored her entirely. The thing that made me _extremely_ happy, though, was that Justin had willingly sat down next to Cloud without even a batted eyelid. He still wouldn't speak to either of them unless asked a direct question -- which, considering Cloud and Leon, happened almost never -- but his tolerance level for them was obviously increasing.

And that was lunch. Until Yuffie came along.

"Heeeeey, everybody!" she called, skipping up to us with a frighteningly manic grin on her face. "Guess what?"

"You forgot to take your meds again," Leon said without looking up at her.

She ignored him as usual and continued, "I booked the CRC for tonight for wink!"

At this announcement, Tifa looked ecstatic, Leon and Cloud looked disgusted, Riku and Chris looked concerned, and the freshmen just looked confused.

"Yuffs," Chris attempted delicately, "do you really think that's a good idea right now?"

"It's a _fabulous_ idea!" she replied, clapping her hands together happily. "So I want everyone there at 7:00 sharp, and I mean everyone!" She pointedly looked at the two seniors.

"No."

"Oh, come on, Leon."

"No."

And then something quite terrifying happened. Yuffie curled her lips into the most devious smirk I've ever seen. I swear if I looked hard enough, I would have been able to see little horns growing out of her head.

"You'll come," she purred smoothly, "or I'll tell Cloudy your deepest, darkest secret."

The threat didn't even faze him. "Cloud and I have been together for three years, Yuffie," Leon sighed, finally lifting his eyes to look at her. "We have no secrets from each other."

"Oh yeah?" She dramatically tiptoed over to him and said, "Does he know about … ?" The rest of the sentence was whispered into Leon's ear. To everyone's shock, his grey eyes shot open wide, and he snapped his head to her in near-desperation.

"You wouldn't!"

"I will if you don't come."

Leon snarled at her for a moment before muttering, "Bitch. Fine. Cloud, we're going." And he bolted up from the table and left with his tray.

"What?" Cloud nearly shouted, confused and concerned and borderline pissed from it all. He turned on the still-smirking girl. "What the hell did you say to him?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Well," Cloud huffed. "You may be able to blackmail Leon into forcing us to come, but there's no way I'm playing." He folded his arms across his chest with a determined glower.

Yuffie padded over to him and slipped her arms around his shoulders. "You won't play?" she asked sweetly. "Then maybe I should tell Leon about your secret tickle spot."

He snorted at her. "I don't have one. I am _not_ ticklish."

"That's not what your ex told me," she replied, twirling a lock of his blond hair around her fingers. When she got no response from Cloud, she leaned down a bit and added softly, "_She_ was very specific."

Cloud reacted so violently that he very nearly sent them both crashing to the ground. Once they had recovered, Yuffie laughed and patted Cloud on the head as he hid his face in his hands. "So you'll come, right? And you'll play?"

"I'll come," he groaned. "And I'll play."

"Good." She kissed him gently on the top of the head and skipped over to an empty seat to sit down.

Through this entire performance, Tifa had clamped her hands over her mouth to stop herself from laughing too hard, Riku had watched with a raised eyebrow of mild interest, Chris and J'nel had completely ignored them, and Justin, Irene, and I had stared in intense confusion. When Yuffie plopped ungracefully into her chair, I risked a tentative "What the _hell_?"

Tifa explained to me, "Yuffs has blackmail material on all of us."

"That's right," the black-haired menace chirped. She leaned forward on her elbows and wiggled her eyebrows at us. "Even you persons of freshness. Well, except you," she pointed at Justin and sat back with a shrug. "But I'm working on it, so watch yourself, blondie."

While Justin tried to stop the coughing fit that Yuffie's threat had produced, Riku called down the table at her, "Whatcha got on me, Yuffs? I'm curious."

She happily pushed herself up from the table, bounced down to him, and whispered in his ear. After a moment, he laughed, "What? Only that? Tifa knows that already."

"What do I know?" Tifa asked.

"That I accidentally got cast as Cinderella one year for the school play."

"Oh yeah, that. Well, I still say that with that pretty face of yours, you would have been a knockout."

As most of us laughed, Riku waved his hand dismissively at Yuffie. "That's nothing, girl. You need to do better than that."

"Hmmm…" She tapped her fingers against her chin as if thinking. "Guess I'll have to bring out the back-up material."

As she leaned down to whisper again, Cloud groaned, "She has _back-up_ secrets on us?"

This time, Riku's eyes went as wide as Leon's had been, and his face paled to a sickly white. I suddenly very much wanted to know what she had said to him. Stunned, Riku shifted his gaze to Yuffie's happy face and said, "Leon's right. You are a bitch."

"Nope," she replied merrily. "Just a blackmailer. There's a difference. If I were a bitch, I'd use my secret ninja powers to get dirt on you and then make you _pay_ for it. Like with money and stuff." She rocked back and forth on her heels and continued in a sing-song voice. "As it is, I only threaten you to force you to have fun, and what's wrong with that, huh?"

"Everything," Cloud growled. Yuffie just laughed at him, and Tifa joined her, apparently very much enjoying how the guys were getting embarrassed.

"So," Yuffie declared, sweeping her finger across the table to point at all of us, "wink. Tonight. CRC. 7:00. Wear long pants or risk the demon rugburn. Everybody say 'yes, ma'am'."

"Yes, ma'am," we all chorused, and then Irene added, "But what exactly is wink?"

"Uh uh uh!" Yuffie replied, shaking her finger at us. "I'm not telling. You'll have to find out yourself. And no one else is allowed to tell either," she added quickly as Cloud opened his mouth. "Or Selphie and I will go on a sugar binge together." She laughed as we all shuddered from the terrible mental image.

"Yuffs," Tifa sighed at her, "one of these days someone is going to throttle you in your sleep. You know that, don't you?"

Yuffie shrugged, not at all concerned. "I'm not worried. I almost never sleep anyway. Too much caffeine in my system." She flashed us all a blinding grin and skipped away to get something to eat.

"Sora …" Long fingers clutched at my arm, and I turned to see Justin's wide blue eyes staring at me. "She scaaares me," he fake-whispered. I could see he was mostly joking, but a hint of real fear glinted behind the teasing. Not that I blamed him.

"She scares us all, Jay," I replied, patting him gently on the head as he pretended to cower into my shoulder. "She scares us all."

"So, Riku," Tifa drawled, slowly turning her head to him with a sweet smile, "you gonna tell me this secret, too?"

"Shut up," he growled with narrowed eyes and returned his attention to Chris and J'nel. The two of them were still talking in L'Guan, but for some reason, they seemed to be almost fighting now. Christian kept waving his hands about, and J'nel kept shaking his head as if he didn't agree.

"Wonder what she has on me," Irene mused, drawing my attention away from the other end of the table. She smiled at Justin who had gone back to being normal. "And what she'll get on you."

Justin flushed but said nothing, stabbing at some pasta salad with a fork.

It sure didn't take a genius to figure out what Yuffie had on me. At least until I gained the courage to tell it myself. I stole a glance at my silver-haired heart's desire and swallowed a sigh. Tear down the wall. Technically, it wouldn't be very hard. All it would take would be three little words: I am gay. But actually saying them … well, if I found the strength to do it, I would consider it to be a greater miracle than the fall of Jericho. And the destruction would probably be just as great.

Next to me, Justin laughed at something Irene had said, and I shivered. For today at least, I would try to forget. I would enjoy my friends' company, play this strange wink game tonight, and convince myself that everything in my life was just fine.

There would be plenty of time to worry and stress and cry tomorrow.

* * *

A/N: Okay, so I threw in a bit of sadness there at the end. Couldn't help myself. Oh, and don't ask me about those secrets. Only Yuffie knows, and she ain't telling. 


	17. Borrow a Couple

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: I'm so excited to introduce all you lovely ladies to the wonderful game known as wink! I highly encourage everyone to give it a try with their friends, although remember that rugburn stings like the dickens so dress appropriately.

* * *

**Seventeen: Borrow a Couple **

_Borrow a Couple: Used when there are not enough dancers to complete a set.  
Dancers form a set of seven couples: a set of three above a set of four.  
The fourth couple becomes the first couple of the second set. All changes occur within the second set.  
Both first couples dance as normal. After the first iteration of the dance, the second couple of the second set becomes the fourth couple of the first set and immediately dances the second iteration.  
After the second iteration, the old second couple becomes the new first couple and begins a new iteration with the second set.  
This continues until the dance has ended. _

Seven o'clock couldn't come early enough for me. Yeah, when Yuffie had first announced a game of wink, I was a bit worried. I mean, with all the tension and repressed feelings going around, it just didn't seem like that good of an idea. But once it became apparent that the lady would not be dissuaded, I began to get downright excited. After all, it's fun, and any chance to grope Sora and not have anyone look twice, well, count me in for that.

"Riku?" Tifa came up to me as we all lingered about in the big common room on the second floor of Parish. "You have any extra hair ties?" she asked. "Irene needs to put hers up."

I dug around in my pockets for a moment before answering, "Sorry, Tifa. I don't."

But she wasn't listening. Instead, she had moved a bit around me and was frowning at the back of my head. "You have _four_ in your own hair," she pointed out.

"Yeah, well, it looks cool that way."

"Give me those," she ordered, grabbing my ponytail before I could run. At my yelp of protest, she growled, "Oh shut up. I'm only taking two of them." Thirty or so extremely painful seconds later, she walked off with two of my hair ties while I checked to make sure I still _had_ hair after all that pulling. She's not exactly the most sensitive woman I've met.

"Okay, everyone, listen up!" Yuffie called out from atop a table. "I need everyone to help me clear away all this furniture so that we have a nice big open space, and then everyone needs to get a partner and sit down in a circle, one person in front of the other. But take your shoes off first. Socks are optional, so if you don't want them, take them off before you sit down."

We all followed her orders like the good little sheep we were. Baa. Once all the furniture had been pushed away and I had stored my shoes and socks along the wall, I looked around for a partner. I briefly wondered if I should try to get Sora, but then I noticed he had already sat down with Justin. That was probably a good idea, actually. The kid was skittish, and he'd feel more comfortable with Sora. But that still left me partnerless.

"Ohhhh, no," Yuffie cried, standing in front of Leon and Cloud with hands on her hips. "If you two want to be together, you're going to have to earn it." Bending down, she wrapped a hand around Cloud's arm and somehow managed to yank him to his feet. "You can be with Tifa," she declared, pushing him towards the other girl. Then, to my surprise, she whirled around, grabbed _me_, and shoved me down where Cloud had been. "Leon, you get Riku." She smiled at us in a way that would have been pretty if she weren't so evil. "Have fun!"

"Bitch," Leon muttered from behind my left ear.

"No kidding," I agreed.

Since that little problem had been solved for me, I looked around at the other people who had shown up either of their own free will or from fear of Yuffie. Apart from our normal group, I noticed Kairi and Naminé along with a couple of guys who I had seen hang out with the two girls before. Plus, there were a few completely unfamiliar faces who, from their easy chatting with Sora, Justin, and Cloud seemed to be other Parish people. So for the first round, we had me and Leon, Cloud and Tifa, Sora and Justin, Chris and J'nel, Irene and Selphie, Kairi and Naminé, and six other couples of unknowns. And Yuffie had stayed partnerless on purpose.

"Okay!" she began, sitting down with the rest of us. "Welcome to the first wink game of the year!" Tifa and Selphie cheered while Leon muttered something along the lines of hoping it would be the last. "The game is very simple and lots of fun," she continued. "You'll notice that everyone has a partner except me. What I'm going to do is call out a description that applies to a group of people. Something like 'people born in the summer' or 'blonds' or 'juniors'. If you fall into that category and you're in the inside circle, your objective is to crawl over to me and kiss me somewhere on my face. Your partner's objective is to stop you."

Here she grinned while the freshmen all reacted to this news - an interesting mix of giggles and groans. "Whoever makes it to me becomes my partner and the losing partner is the next person to call out a grouping. If you get called and don't get to me, you switch circles with your partner so everyone gets a chance to do both. There are rules, of course. No pulling on hair, no biting, no kicking or punching. In other words, don't do anything to your partner that you wouldn't want him doing to you. Also, the person waiting to be kissed cannot do anything to help any of the players. You have to just sit there and wait, although it's nice to shout 'Done' or something when you actually get kissed so the rest of us know."

Yuffie turned her head to Tifa questioningly. "Anything I forgot?"

Tifa tipped her own head in thought. "Um … if you call a group that only has a few people in it, you're allowed to call a second one. You're also allowed to call individual people if you really want to. Also, you're not supposed to actually touch your partner until the group is called. That way you need fast reflexes as well as a strong grip."

"Yeah! So, are there any other questions?" There weren't, and Yuffie's smile stretched wide. "Okay, here we go!"

In my ear, Leon grumbled, "She's going to do something idiotic like call 'Everyone', isn't she?"

"You'd better believe it."

"Everyone!"

I lunged forward, but my momentum was abruptly stopped by Leon's arms around my waist. I immediately twisted and tried to wiggle my way out, but he clamped down on one arm and pushed me to the floor to stop me from moving. Leon and Cloud may hate this game, but once you rope them in, they'll play as competitively as anyone. That pride thing.

_Damn you, Yuffie. Sticking me with this gorilla_. I knew I'd never get away from Leon. He was just too strong, and my agility wasn't enough to counteract that. Even so, I wasn't about to give up so easily. Again, I fought and twisted and managed to flip myself over onto my back before Leon pinned me again, this time by both arms.

"Going somewhere, Riku?" he asked smugly.

I blew my bangs out of my eyes and took a moment to see how everyone else was faring. Chris had managed to pull himself halfway to Yuffie before J'nel had slammed him to the ground, Sora and Justin had gone absolutely nowhere although they were both laughing like mad, and Cloud had picked Tifa up bodily and placed her outside the circle where he held her by the wrists. A couple of the people I didn't know were doing a bit better, and Kairi was slowly but surely dragging a squealing Naminé across the floor. I'd have to make a breakaway quickly if I wanted to win.

Returning my eyes to Leon's smirking face, I smiled and said, "Nah, I like being here with you!" Then, I leaned up and kissed him firmly on the lips. Leon flew backwards off of me in utter shock and so I, of course, flipped over and crawled as fast as I could. I actually got halfway across the circle before I was gripped around the ankles and roughly pulled backwards.

"Done!" Yuffie's voice rang out just as I came to a stop again. Kairi had finally made it all the way over.

"I saw that, Landis!" Cloud yelled at me. "Do it again and I'll pound you into next week!"

"All's fair in love and wink, Strife," I answered, getting to my knees and rubbing the spot on my face that had been dragged along the carpet.

We all changed places and looked expectantly to Naminé. Now that everyone had experienced their first round, lots of people were laughing and chattering, and a few were groaning and rubbing sore spots. I just sighed and settled behind Leon. Maybe if I grabbed onto his legs and held on for dear life? Nah, he'd just drag me along like I was nothing.

Thankfully for me, Naminé called out, "Freshmen," in a nervous voice, and off went Sora, Irene, and a couple guys I didn't know. After several minutes of giggles and shrieks, Irene finally won, leaving a pouting Selphie to call out, "Blonds." Cloud got to her in seconds. Tifa huffed a bit at how easily he had gotten away from her and then called, "Anyone wearing red." A couple of people leapt forward and got squashed by their partners. And then, several seconds after the call, Selphie, who had not moved, shot forward and tackle-kissed Tifa. I nearly died at the shocked look on Cloud's face. Yuffie had obviously given the other girl some pointers.

"Where's your red?" he demanded from the girl in a purple T-shirt and jeans. Selphie stood up with a smile and pulled down her waistband just enough to show off a pair of cherry-red underwear. Cloud groaned and admitted his defeat.

When he lifted his eyes, though, I knew I was doomed. Smirking deeply, Cloud called, "Leon."

I grabbed at one arm, intending to put up at least a bit of a fight, but Leon didn't surge forward. Instead, he turned, picked me up, and threw me over his shoulder. He then proceeded to crawl over to Cloud while I kicked and pounded on his back. So much for my dignity. Once he got close enough, he tossed me onto the ground, grabbed Cloud, and proceeded to French him within an inch of his life.

"_Okay!_" Yuffie yelled at them. "That's enough!"

"Yeah, well," I grumbled, picking myself up off the floor, "it's your fault for separating them in the first place." I slowly made my way back to my space in the circle.

"Well, excuse me for wanting them to play instead of just sit there and snuggle like a pair of fricking love-birds." Chris and Tifa erupted into mildly-repressed sniggers. Leon and Cloud so did not snuggle. Even that make-out session had just been to piss off Yuffie. But in her traditional fashion, the self-proclaimed ninja didn't stay upset for long. "Okay, Riku, make a call. And include me, please? I've been sitting here doing nothing since the first round."

I settled into my spot and rubbed my shoulder a bit where it had slammed into the ground. "Fine, Yuffs. Are you wearing socks or not?"

"I am."

"Then, 'People wearing socks'."

Yuffie squealed in happiness but then began to shriek in annoyance when Kairi tackled her and successfully kept her from going anywhere. Eventually one of the guys I had seen hang out with Kairi and Naminé made it over to me, dragging the other one behind him. He kissed me quickly on the cheek, slightly embarrassed, and I announced the end of the round.

As his partner sulkily went back to his spot, my new partner held out his hand and grinned. "Hi, I'm Tidus."

"Riku," I replied, taking his hand. "Nice to meet you."

He shook my hand with a little more force than was necessary and then settled behind me for the next round. His old partner, a round-faced guy with red hair, called out, "Girls, ya?" Behind me, Tidus snorted at the obviousness of it.

The red-head - Tidus told me his name was Wakka - ended up with a girl I didn't know, and we played a few more rounds. Yuffie finally won a round, and Sora actually managed to get away from Justin. Pretty much everyone had lost their original partners except for Chris and J'nel and one other pair of strangers. Tidus and I were pretty evenly matched. We had both had a turn trying to escape, but neither of us had managed to get far enough fast enough by the time Irene finally lost Naminé.

Laughing, Irene pushed her hair out of her eyes and looked around at the circle. "Um, okay …" she hesitated, unsure of what to call. "How about 'Only children'?"

That would be me. Once again, I leapt forward only to have a crippling weight keep me from going too far. But Tidus seemed to be tiring, and I found myself able to drag us both steadily across the floor. The blond freshman on top of me growled and snarled, trying his best to wrestle me to the ground, but I kept on going until I had managed to pull my upper half into Irene's lap.

She looked down at me with laughing eyes. "Well hello there, Riku."

"Heya, Irene," I replied, smiling up at her while Tidus continued to pull at me. "I'm thinking about getting a new partner. You interested?" I heard a muffled, "Oh no you don't!" just as I felt a particularly strong yank on my legs, but I had wrapped an arm around Irene's waist to keep me in place.

"Depends," Irene answered, clearly enjoying the fight going on in her lap. "You gonna kiss me or not?"

Reaching up with my free hand to pull her face a little closer to mine, I gathered up my strength and hefted myself up just enough to kiss her on her jaw. Irene called out, "Done!" and Tidus finally let me go, grumbling something along the lines of "Fricking hell."

As I settled behind Irene, I happened to look up and meet Chris's eyes. He was looking at me with an intense expression. I understood immediately. We hadn't planned anything ahead of time, but we might as well may have considering how connected our thoughts were at that moment. It would take an immense amount of luck, though, and even if he and I did everything we needed to do, the final decision would not be up to us.

Still, I did my part. For the next few rounds, I held Irene tightly and made sure she stayed with me. When it was my turn, I put on a show of struggling but didn't do enough to actually get away from her. I even cheated by not going when someone called out, "People who can speak more than one language." Eh, my French isn't that good anyway.

That's why I was still with Irene when Justin, who had just lost Tidus to Selphie, looked around with a small smile and said, "Musicians." Chris and I were both in the inner circle, and we exchanged split-second glances before diving into the fight. This was definitely the break we were looking for. Everything had lined up perfectly, even so much as to give Chris the incentive of getting to Justin. There was no way J'nel was going to keep him back this time.

Sure enough, a few minutes later Chris sat down behind Justin as J'nel went back to his place in the circle alone. I felt Irene tense up before me as he sat down and looked around the circle. However, instead of calling out something immediately, he hung his head and stared at the floor for several seconds. Those of us who knew him held our breath, but those who didn't began to get impatient.

"Hey man, call something!" Tidus yelled to him. Selphie immediately thwacked him upside the head, and that seemed to tell everyone else that something important was happening. A thick silence settled over all of us as we waited.

Finally, he said in a low voice, "Fa ch'l A galan, Christian?"

And Chris answered in a similar tone, "Dan fes yela xula, J'nel."

I didn't have to know the language to understand what had just been said. J'nel had asked Chris what he should do, and Chris had told him to follow his heart. Even though I wasn't supposed to touch her, I gently rested my hands on Irene's shoulders and found her shaking.

J'nel lifted his head, and a few people gasped to see a single streak of blue on one of his pale cheeks. His green eyes stared in my direction, but they weren't looking at me.

"Irene."

With a small sigh, she began to move forward but stopped when she noticed I had let her go. She turned her head and looked at me in confusion. "Aren't you going to try to stop me?"

I shook my head. "No. I'm not."

She watched me for a long moment, her dark eyes glittering with emotions that I couldn't read. Then, instead of crawling, she got to her feet and walked over to J'nel. She knelt down in front of him and just looked at him for a long minute. Then, she lifted a hand and wiped away the tear on his face. He laid his own hand over hers as it touched his cheek and reached out with the other to take her free hand. She smiled.

"I thought he wasn't supposed to help her," Tidus hissed, but Selphie tackled him and then sat on him with her hands firmly over his mouth. She grinned at us and went back to watching the unfolding scene.

Irene had leaned in, and now she brought her face to J'nel's and gently kissed his lips. He kissed her back, releasing her hands to take her by the hips and pull her more to him. After a few moments, we saw their mouths open a bit more and knew the kiss had gone deeper.

"Yes!" I heard Sora whisper. I turned to see him grinning from ear to ear, and when he noticed me looking at him, he winked at me in a way that made me want to burst out laughing with happiness.

Behind Sora, Tifa suddenly said in a loud voice, "Why don't we stop for a while for snacks? That okay with you, Yuffie?"

"Absolutely!" Yuffie replied, leaping to her feet and knocking over Wakka in the process.

Everyone except the new lovers got to their feet and followed the two women over to a table that had a bunch of food laid out on it. Before I went too far, I snuck a glance at J'nel and Irene and saw them holding each other and talking quietly.

"Good job, Riku," Chris said, appearing by my side. He slapped a hand on my shoulder with a grin.

"Me?" I asked. "You're the one who convinced him to change his mind."

"Yeah, but you helped. You know - ack!" He nearly fell over as Sora tackled us, somehow managing to get us both with his small frame. Behind him, Justin came up more calmly and joined the hug-fest with a laugh.

"You guys are the best!" Sora cried. He was positively beaming now, quite possibly the happiest I had ever seen him.

"Thanks, kid," Chris replied with a grin. He ruffled Sora's already-messy hair. "Glad to help. Now get something to eat, but lay off the caffeine, okay?"

Sora just laughed at him and made his way to the table, pulling Justin along after him. It wasn't until after they left that I realized that Justin had actually hugged me. Sure, he had mainly hugged Sora and Christian who were both "straight", but he had in fact touched me as well, willingly. As Chris went off and left me alone, I let my eyes travel over to the two still on the floor and then again at the freshman who had captured my heart and his ever-improving roommate.

Perhaps everything would turn out all right after all.


	18. Set and Turn Corners

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

* * *

**Eighteen: Set and Turn Corners **

_Set and Turn Corners: An eight bar figure for three couples.  
First couple begins in second position, standing back to back, facing their first corners.  
1-2: First couple and first corners set to each other.  
3-4: First couple and first corners turn once round with both hands. First couple ends facing second corners.  
5-6: First couple and second corners set to each other.  
7-8: First couple and second corners turn once round with both hands. First couple ends on partner's side.  
This figure is frequently followed by a six-bar reel for three on the sides with first couple crossing to own sides on the final two bars. _

The door to the classroom crashed against the wall when I flung it open in my excitement. Ignoring any potential damage I may have done to college property, I ran into the room and began spinning wildly. Behind me, I heard Riku laughing at my childishness, but I just didn't care. This had been such a wonderful night, for me, for my friends, for everyone.

"Riku!" I positively trilled. "I'm so happy I'm going to burst!"

"Well, I'm glad," he laughed from the doorway. But then, his face sombered and he threw up a hand in warning. "Whoa, Sora! Watch out! You're gonna -!"

That's when I collided with a couple of desks and my mad spinning came to an abrupt and rather painful stop. Note to self: circling round and round in utter joy may look cool in the movies, but in real life, it just gets you dizzy. Additional note to self: desks hurt when they fall on you.

"You okay?" Riku asked. He had somehow appeared by my side in spite of the lack of lights. I had left them off again.

"Yeah … ow." As Riku pulled the desks off of me and righted them again, I poked at my legs to assess the damage, although really if I was injured, poking would probably only hurt more. The pain couldn't keep my spirits down for long, however, and I was soon laughing again. "Did you see how good they looked together? How happy she was? How happy _he_ was?"

"I saw, Sora. I was there, remember?" He shook his head and smirked deeply. "Geez, you're acting like it's your love life Chris fixed." The words had barely finished falling from his lips when his eyes widened and he tried to take them back again. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean …"

"It's okay," I reassured him with a smile. "I'm too happy right now to be bothered by anything." And then my eyes fell upon the blackboard and I got the best idea in the whole world. I jumped up - nearly knocking Riku over from my sudden movement - and ran to the huge expanse of black that covered one entire wall. It didn't take too long to find the chalk, even in the dark, and soon I was drawing huge hearts all over the place. I couldn't help it. Love was in the air, and it had affected me. Riku's ringing laughter just spurred me on.

"You're such a kid!" he teased. "How old are you again?"

"Almost eighteen," I replied, not turning my head from my mission. Once I had drawn about two dozen hearts of different sizes, I put down the chalk and dusted off my hands while examining my work. "There. Now won't Monday morning's class be surprised when they come in and see this?"

"They'll think some crazy Cupid went on a rampage … and they'll be right."

Finally I turned to him, laughing like a fool, but as my eyes fell upon him, my wild, bubbling joy calmed down into something gentler and more serious. He had not moved from his spot on the floor, and - something I hadn't noticed before - he had knelt down directly in the path of an outside light as it shone in through the window. A normal streetlamp would have beaten down on him harshly, but this one had to pass through the trees outside before it was allowed into this room, and the branches had filtered the light into something softer. With the light falling on him like that, illuminating his silver hair, casting his face into shadow except for the shining lights of his eyes, he looked other-worldly to me. He literally stole the breath from my body, simply by existing.

Only one other person had ever made me feel this way. But he hadn't been interested in me. He had liked girls. And when he had asked out my best girl friend, it had broken my heart.

"Sora?" Riku said worriedly. My long silence and continued staring had obviously confused him.

"I'm just thinking," I replied. When he smirked, I added before he could, "Don't worry, I won't hurt myself."

The fact that I had read his mind changed the smirk into a surprised smile, and I drank the expression in just as I had all his others. It passed quickly, and as I watched his eyebrows lower and his lips straighten out, I realized how much he reminded me of my first love. The way his lips curled when he smiled. The lilt of his voice which was teasingly cocky and yet let you know that he really did care. The way he held his body with confidence like he didn't know the meaning of the word awkwardness.

Yet, they were very different, too, apart from the obvious. Riku laughed more, and when he did, he meant it. He was more social and more active. He didn't spend all his time reading tragedies or writing his own but instead preferred the more analytical subjects. They were similar but not the same. And I loved them both. Did that mean that, if I gave up Riku, there would still be someone else out there with whom I could be happy? And likewise another person like me for Riku? Are hearts that similar that their connections overlap, allowing us more than one choice?

A choice. That's right. I still had a choice to make. J'nel had made his. I needed to make mine. Give up Riku and choose Justin, or give up Justin and choose Riku.

Half in a daze, I walked to the space in front of Riku and knelt down as well. Once I had settled, I gathered both of his hands in mine. He blinked at me and said quietly, "Seriously, Sora, you're weirding me out."

I didn't blame him. I had gone from completely goofy to wholeheartedly serious in a matter of seconds. However, I ignored his comment and instead let my mind go blank as I played with his hands. They were bigger than mine with long fingers, although not as long as Justin's. I flipped them over and looked at the calluses on his fingertips. From the guitar, I assumed. A sudden wave of heat rushed over me as I remembered the feeling of those fingertips on my cheek and the kiss that had almost happened.

"I don't want to give you up," I whispered as I dropped one of his hands and began tracing the other with my own fingers. "I don't want to give either of you up. I want you both." My fingers traveled down the length that led to his thumb, quickly crossed over the final digit, and then wandered over his wrist, lingering a bit at the beat of blood that passed through that spot. "I know it's childish, but I don't want to accept that I can't have you both. I don't want to choose." Slowly, I pulled my hand over his, separating my four fingers so that they each traveled up one of his; then I flipped my hand to underneath his and did it again along the backs of his fingers. "I want you both."

"Sora …"

The breathless distraction in his voice surprised me, so I stopped my musings to look at him. His face had completely flushed, and his mouth gaped open slightly as he drew in shaky breaths. Wide green eyes stared at me with a mixture of nervousness and desire. I suddenly realized that, while I had thought I was just playing around, I had in fact been _seducing_ him with my touches. I fought the urge to drop his hand as my heart began to race and a flush settled over my own cheeks.

I knew then that, even if there was a third person out there who could have given me happiness, I wasn't going to give up Riku. Not without a fight.

His lower lip had been tempting me for a while now, so I leaned in and caught it between my own. He gasped at my forwardness and weakly tried to pull away, especially when I ran my tongue along the top of his lip and began to push it into his mouth. This certainly wasn't a normal first kiss, nor was it anything like the one he had imagined for us, but I didn't care. I had wanted to kiss him for so long now, and, hey, even if I was going to be the "woman" in this relationship - I was younger, shorter, and infinitely more adorable - I was still a Swarthmore woman which meant I could dominate whenever I damn well pleased.

Riku stiffened even more when I began to caress his tongue with mine, so I pulled on the hand I still held and laid it over my rapidly-beating heart. Pressing it against my chest, I willed my love from my body to his, from my heart to his, so that he would understand. After a moment, he relaxed and began to respond, pressing his lips into mine and using his tongue to harass me as I explored his mouth. He even grabbed my free hand with his and placed it over his own heart as if to say that he truly did understand. His heartbeat was strong and steady underneath my palm, and the physical connection we had to each other seemed to solidify something between us, something less tangible but just as real.

You may wonder how my brain could possibly have functioned while my body was drinking its fill of Riku, but by the time I finally pulled away, I had made my decision. I had thought it all through and I had decided, and I was determined, quite possibly more so than I had ever been in my entire life.

Gazing into Riku's eyes, I announced, "I refuse to choose. I'm not going to tear down the wall; I'm going to put a frigging _door_ in it, and I'm going to have you both. And you and Chris and everybody else are going to help me."

I got to my feet and dragged him up as well. He was understandably stunned. After all, I had just forced our first kiss on him, and now I was on fire like some crazed revolutionary. Unfortunately for him, I was too hyped up to worry about him at the moment. Pulling him to the door, I said, "I'm going upstairs to bed. You should go down and catch the shuttle before they stop running. It's late you know."

"Sora -" he tried, but I didn't let him get far. I spun and kissed him again, shorter this time but with just as much passion. God, he tasted good. And he was so warm. I wanted to kiss him all night. But that would never do. Too much else to accomplish first.

I broke the kiss and started walking away. "See you tomorrow," I called to him, smirking at the dazed look on his face. "Try not to fall down the stairs or anything, okay?" Heh. I'm not really an evil person. I just play one on TV.

Those two flights to my room had never been easier. It didn't matter that today had turned into tomorrow; I sped up the steps like they were nothing. When I got to my door, however, I slowed down. It was late, really late, and Justin was probably already asleep. Quietly, I opened the door and stepped in, expecting the room to be pitch black.

But it wasn't. The lamp between our beds shone out in the dark, and from its light I saw, to my shock, Christian sitting on Justin's bed, a book in his hands, and Justin asleep with his head in Chris's lap.

"You're back," Chris smiled when he noticed me standing there, my mouth opening and closing like a fish. He waved the book at me slightly, and I recognized it as one of my poetry books. "Don't know how you can read this stuff. I think I'd rather read one of J'nel's lab write-ups."

"Why are you reading it then?" I asked as I made my way farther into the room. Sure, Sora, ask the silly questions instead of the important ones. Like 'What the hell happened in here while I was making out with Riku?'

"It was the only thing I could reach," Chris answered the question I had asked. He gestured down to the passed-out figure on his lap. "And I couldn't exactly move."

"What happened in here?" There you go, Sora. Good job.

"We were just talking, and then one thing led to another …" I gave him my best 'yeah right' look, and he laughed. Then, he sobered and said, "No, seriously, we were talking. About some painful things. And Justin sort of … broke down."

I had walked over to my bed, and now I settled onto it as I clarified, "You mean you got him to open up to you again, and he started crying."

"Yeah." Chris looked down at Justin's sleeping face and gently smoothed a lock of hair from out of his eyes. The tenderness of the act struck me. He really did love my roommate. "And after he was all cried out, he fell asleep, so I stayed here with him." He watched Justin silently for a few moments and then lifted his head and grinned at me. "So, how did you make out with Riku?" At my worried look, he assured me, "Don't worry. He's asleep. Watch." In a louder voice, Chris said, "That's right, Sora, I'm just using Justin so that someday when he's not paying attention, I can fuck him up the ass and then leave him in a broken heap."

My breath hissed inwards at his recklessness. "God, Chris, you sure like to take risks."

"Yeah, but now you know he's definitely asleep," he replied with another grin. "If he had been even the slightest bit awake, he would have totally freaked out."

"And probably beaten you black and blue."

"I would have deserved it. Now, you and Riku … ?"

I very nearly told him to ask Riku if he wanted to know so badly. He was, after all, more Riku's friend than mine. But then I realized that if anyone was going to be able to help me get Justin to accept my sexuality, it was Christian. Sure, Chris was lying just as badly as I was, but Justin had shown so much trust for Chris so fast that I very nearly believed this soulmate stuff even though I knew it was complete fantasy.

"I refuse to give up Riku," I told him.

He let his eyes fall briefly before raising them to mine again. "And what about Justin?"

"I refuse to give him up, too. I won't lose either of them."

To my surprise, Christian smiled and said, "All right, Sora. I've been waiting for you to say that."

"Do you really think it can be done?"

"Sure it can, and I'll help. After all, it's in my best interests, too."

I looked again at Justin as he lay on Chris's lap. His face looked so peaceful and gentle, so very fragile. "Chris," I asked with a bit of hesitation, "do you really think that Jay is your soulmate?"

"Yes."

"But he's not gay."

"How do you know?"

I jerked my head up and stared at him. He was looking at me calmly as if he hadn't just asked the most ridiculous question in the world. How did I know? Well, how about the way he freaked out whenever anyone mentioned anything remotely homosexual? How about the religious icons strewn about the room and the text that he had practically printed in his head? How about the fact that, unlike some people, he actually believed in that text? How about all those girlfriends?

"Well?"

"He likes girls," I stated. "He dated lots in high school."

The information didn't seem to bother Chris a bit. Instead, he smiled and replied, "Dated, yes. But how many of those girls did he actually love? Do you know?" When I shook my head, he lifted his hand and curved his fingers until they touched his thumb. "Zero," he whispered. "Not a one of them." He dropped his hand and, as I blinked at him, continued, "He never asked any of those girls. They always asked him. He didn't want any of them. All he wanted was to believe that they were telling the truth, that they could ease his pain and make him happy. And even though he always thought to himself when a new relationship started, 'Maybe this one will be the one,' not a single one was able to make good on her promise, and they all left him."

"_They_ left _him_?"

"They left him. Because he couldn't love them. Not one."

"And he told you all this?"

"Yes."

"And because of that, you think that he's really gay but he hasn't realized it because his upbringing won't let him admit it to himself."

"Yes."

I leaned back a bit on my bed and gazed at Christian. It kind of made sense, everything he had said, although I wasn't sure I believed it. After all, Chris was impetuous; he threw his emotions into things with little thought, and he liked to take risks. But he wasn't stupid either, and even in the small amount of time that I had known him, I had come to realize how good he was at reading other people. Maybe he was right. Maybe Justin was so miserable because he had never in his entire life been allowed to be himself.

"This is messed up," I commented.

Christian's normal grin reappeared. "You can say that again."

"We sure have our work cut out for us."

"That we do."

I chewed my lip for a moment, thinking of all the things that had happened tonight. In one way or the other, love seemed to be everywhere. It sure made for an interesting weekend.

I liked it.

"Okay, then," I smiled, "I guess that makes us partners. But if you find anything out about him, I want to know. I'm sick of being jealous of you."

I held out my hand to him. He took it and shook it firmly. "Deal," he agreed. "Now …" He looked down at the weight in his lap. "What should I do about this?"

My lips twisted up into a little evil smile. "I have an extra pillow," I teased him.

Alas, he took it completely the wrong way. "That's great! Thanks, Sora. Now I need something to put me to sleep. Where did that poetry book go?"

That's when I hit him with the pillow. Oh yeah, this was going to be _very_ interesting.


	19. Allemande

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

* * *

**Nineteen: Allemande**

_Allemande: A progressive eight bar figure for two couples.  
1: Partners dance to the right, taking left hands in front of their bodies and right hands behind the women's heads.  
2-4: First couple leads second couple across the top of the set and down the men's side.  
5: Both couples turn into a line along the men's side.  
6: Men turn the women so that they face the men and hands are joined in front.  
7-8: Partners fall back to progressed places. _

Oh my god. Oh my dear sweet loving god.

_Sora … _

He wasn't supposed to be that good. That experienced. That fucking _mind-blowing_. I'm the one who's supposed to be in charge. I'm the one who's supposed to reduce him to a quivering mass on the floor, not the other way around. And he didn't even stick around to see what he had done to me. Just ran off to put a door in the wall or something.

Yeah, the analogy is starting to confuse me.

"Riku? You okay?"

I looked up to find Irene bending down over me, her face lined with concern. Behind her, J'nel looked down on me in equal worry, and behind him, the door to the other classroom stood open. They must have been in there while Sora and I …

Oh my _god_.

"Riku?" she asked again. When I still didn't answer, she straightened up and said, "He molested you, didn't he? That little jerk. He should know normal people can't take his energy."

"Who? Sora?" J'nel cried, shocked. "Sora molested Riku?"

"He just kissed me," I clarified, not wanting them to think I had been raped or something. But that piece of information just confused J'nel more.

"One kiss did this to you?"

"Two actually."

"Leave him be," Irene chided her boyfriend. She reached down with her little hands and helped me to my feet. With a definite twinkle in her eyes, she asked, "So, does this mean he chose you?"

My brain was still half-fogged, but Irene's question produced a clear picture in my head. Sora's eyes and the expression in them as he declared he refused to choose. "He … chose both of us."

J'nel snorted, and even Irene frowned. "That's not possible," she declared. "He's just avoiding it again."

"No, he …" My eyes wandered down the hall in the direction in which Sora had gone. I could still see his form, alive with fire and purpose. "He said he'd find a way to make it work."

"Are you okay with that?" Irene questioned. I turned to her and found her watching me carefully. "Are you okay with just waiting and trusting?"

Yesterday I wouldn't have been, but now … _Damn you, Sora. You knew, didn't you? You knew that by giving me your heart so completely, I would have no choice but to give you mine. After what happened tonight, I will never be able to move on. I'm yours now. Forever. _

"Yeah. I'm okay with it."

"Well, okay, if you say so." Her hand slipped into mine, and she squeezed gently. Smiling, she said, "You two should get downstairs before the last shuttle leaves."

"No," J'nel protested, raising a hand. "I should walk you back to Wharton first."

Irene dropped my hand and threw her arms around his neck instead. "Silly," she replied. "It's just a short walk. I'll be fine. Now go." She kissed him once before sending us both towards the stairs with hard shoves in our backs. When we both turned in mild annoyance, she just smiled, waved, and started off in the other direction.

Next to me, J'nel sighed. "Guess we should go." He hooked my elbow with one of his hands and began to lead me along. "You certainly have had an interesting night," he joked as we walked. "As your friend, I am heartily ashamed of you."

"Says the man with hickeys on his neck," I countered with a smirk. J'nel flinched and immediately tried to cover the offending bruises with his hair.

By the time I reached my room, my head had completely cleared and my legs no longer felt like they were going to give out on me. But as I slipped quietly into bed, keeping the lights off so as not to wake Max, I couldn't help but feel as if my feet hadn't touched the ground the entire way home. My whole body felt so light and airy, and I was just so strangely happy. I had this terribly embarrassing urge to hug my pillow and _giggle_.

Yeah, I squelched that sucker right away.

Could two kisses really mess me up this much? No, that wasn't it. The kisses had knocked me for a loop and set my hormones off, but something else had taken away the pain I had been carrying with me ever since I had watched Sora take Justin away from our table. Something in Sora's amazing eyes. More than Chris's words of optimism, more than my own personal strength, the pure truth in Sora's eyes had taken away my worry and my fear. He had said that it would work out, and I believed him. I trusted him.

As I let my eyes fall closed, I realized that tomorrow I would be able to look at Sora and not feel the pain. Even if we weren't a couple yet, we were still together. Even if we didn't hold hands in public and make out in private, we were still connected. Was this what real love felt like? Because I had never felt anything like it ever before. Had never been able to put so much of myself into someone else's hands and trust that he would take good care of it. That he, not I, would make everything all right.

And then, when all had fallen into place, I would be the one to make Sora shiver and melt in desire and pleasure. I smirked to myself. Oh, yeah, that was going to be fun.

With that thought still in my mind, I drifted off to sleep.

Sunday was a blur of pain, both physical (wink injuries) and mental (homework). Then Monday rolled around and I went to morning classes. After they were finished, I did my normal routine of dropping by Parish to check my mail and then walking over to McCabe to read or something until lunchtime. Except I didn't get to McCabe. As I passed by the parlors in Parish, reading a postcard from my grandparents who were on yet another cruise, a voice stopped me.

"Riku!"

I turned to see Justin sitting in one of the big chairs, his legs tucked up underneath him and a notebook sitting in his lap. He smiled awkwardly at me, and as I waited for him to say more, I realized he didn't really know why he had called to me. "Um, hi," he eventually said.

"Hi," I replied with a smile. "How are you on this bright, sunny day?"

He looked out the window at the overcast sky that threatened rain later in the afternoon and then turned back to me with a bigger, more realistic smile. "I'm fine. You?"

"Doing well." I tried my best to not look too awkward as I stood out there in the hallway. I would have loved to forgo my usual late-morning activities to sit with him and talk, but I knew he was still uncomfortable around me. It was painfully obvious, there on his face. And Sora and Chris weren't around to support him either. So I didn't push.

"You going to lunch?" he asked me. God, he was trying so hard. I really admired him for that.

"Nah, too early. Sharples doesn't open for another half hour."

"Oh, that's right."

"I was going to just hang out in McCabe until it was time."

He lowered his eyes and seemed to struggle with something. After a moment, he said, "Do you … do you want …"

Dear God, was he actually going to ask me?

"Do you want to hang out here?"

I couldn't have done anything about the huge grin that split my face, even if I had wanted to. "Sure, if you don't mind."

"I … don't mind."

Not the most convincing tone of voice, but I wasn't going to let this opportunity go. I stepped into the parlor and claimed the chair across from him. After I had slipped my mail into my bag, I leaned back and asked, "What are you working on?"

He jumped a little at the question and flushed slightly. After a moment of hesitation, he passed over the notebook, and I saw that he had only been using it as a lapdesk. On top of the notebook was a hand-drawn sheet of music for three instruments. He had finished the main melody and was now working on the variations.

"You're composing?" I asked, impressed. When he nodded, I continued, "In your _head_?" He nodded again, a bit more embarrassed. "Holy shit," I whispered as I examined the sheet. The piece was still in progress, but I could tell it would be beautiful once it was finished. "I knew you were talented," I told him, "but I didn't realize it was this much."

"I … I'm not …"

"Yes you _are_," I insisted with a mild glare. "Don't ever say you aren't." I let my eyes travel over the paper again and continued, "I mean, arranging someone else's melody, I can do that. Not well, but I can do it. But to create your own melody, arrange it, and then put variations on it, all in your head? I say again: holy shit." I reluctantly handed the paper and notebook back to him. As an afterthought, I said, "You should show Sora that. He'll be impressed too."

For some reason, Justin winced slightly. He was very silent for a moment, his eyes looking everywhere but at me. Just as I was about to question him, he said softly, "You like Sora, don't you?"

"What?"

His eyes finally found mine, and I could see a bit of anger in them hiding amongst the fear and disgust. "You like Sora. I can tell." When I just gaped at him, the anger grew, boosting his confidence. "He's straight, you know."

"I know," I said, letting myself be drawn into the lie. It wasn't my place to break it. Not like this.

Justin's eyes bored into me as if searching for something. I knew to him I was something despicable, a threat to all good people everywhere. That's why I had been so surprised that he had invited me to sit down in the first place. As I watched those eyes, I idly wondered what it would be like to go through life with a built-in switch that could cause you to instantly hate someone else. It must be awful.

"I … I …" he stammered, and then all at once: "I'm not going to let you hurt him!"

"What?" I sat up straighter in the chair out of sheer shock. "Hurt him? Hurt Sora? Why would I - ?"

"Because you … and he's …"

"Jay, wait." He flinched again, clearly not happy that I had used his nickname. Ignoring that for now, I leaned over on my knees so that I could hold his full attention and declared, "I would never hurt Sora. You're absolutely right. I like him. I like him a lot. And that's why I'm not going to hurt him." His angry eyes refused to soften; he didn't believe me. "You think I'm some kind of monster, don't you?" I asked. "You think I would intentionally hurt Sora out of … I don't know … jealousy or anger or frustration or something?"

I didn't need an answer; I saw it in his face, in the burning of his eyes, in the set of his jaw. Stunned, I sat back in my chair again. For a brief moment, I felt my own anger flaring, but it quickly died and I ran a hand through my hair instead. This was so tiring.

"Look," I told him, "you can think what you want about me. You want to dislike me, fine. But please don't feel like you need to protect Sora or anything. I'm not going to hurt him, at least not on purpose." I managed a small smile as I continued, "I am human, after all, so I have been known to do stupid things and make mistakes, but Sora is my friend and I'd never do anything that I know would hurt him." I looked into Justin's still-hard eyes and finished, "Just like I'd never do anything to hurt you."

The eyes blinked. And blinked again. And with each blink, more anger faded and more confusion appeared.

"Me?" he finally asked, his voice small and quiet. "Why would you … ? Because I'm Sora's friend?"

"No, you idiot," I smiled at him. "Because you're _my_ friend."

This time, he didn't even blink. He just stared, his mind shutting down. A deep pity for him flooded from my heart, and I tried to keep it from my face for fear of offending him. This poor kid. No wonder why Sora wouldn't let him go. Even after all he had said, after all he had accused me of, I couldn't be angry with him. How could you be angry with someone who went into shock at the thought that maybe more than one person in this whole world actually liked him?

"Guess I should go," I said, even though it was still too early to go to lunch. I just had the feeling that I should leave him be for a bit, so I stood up and hefted my bag onto my shoulder. "I'll see you later," I told him with another smile. He just looked up at me, still stunned, and nodded weakly.

Just before I walked away, I threw in, "Make sure you show that piece to Sora." And then I left him alone to think.


	20. Jigs and Reels

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: The song I imagine them playing in this chapter is "Tathaich Nam Fonn" by the amazing Alasdair Frasier, from Skydance's album _Way Out to Hope Street_. Just FYI.

* * *

**Twenty: Jigs and Reels **

_Jig: A quick-time dance in 6/8 time.  
Reel: A quick-time dance in 4/4 time.  
Both types of dances use skip-change traveling steps and pas-de-basque setting steps. _

Christian is _awesome_. I'm so glad I decided to be his ally in this. He has the best ideas, and with the two of us doing all this conniving and plotting, I feel like some kind of spy. It's damn cool.

"Sora! Where are we going?"

"Not telling. Now come on!"

"Not so fast! I'm going to drop my violin!"

I looked back over my shoulder at Justin and reluctantly slowed down. I guess it would be kind of hard to walk when you're carrying a case in one hand and the other has been captured by a sleek super-spy. Oh _yeah_, and soon the bad guys will rappel out of their helicopters and I'll grab that case and pull out a massive gun and kill them all without even mussing up my bowtie.

"That grin on your face is scaring me."

"Bwahahahaha!"

"You're certifiable. Who was it who called you right before we left?"

"Not _tell_-ing."

And Christian was so much better at getting stuff out of Justin than I was. It was only Thursday, and he had already managed to pry out that Justin's parents pretty much hated each other, but couldn't divorce because of their religion, and that both of them had basically railroaded him into choosing a career in space exploration by constantly telling him he would never succeed in music. Every revelation came with another meltdown, but each time, it was as if the release of the tears had freed him a tiny bit more from the misery he had been drowning in for countless years.

"Sora?"

"Yes?"

"This is Lang Music Hall."

We stood on the small white patio before the elegant building; the front wall was glass from floor to ceiling, essentially one giant window. I'm pretty sure Justin had figured out where we were going as soon as I started dragging him down the stairs alongside the Performing Arts building, but he had waited until I had stopped dramatically in front of it to say anything. Now he stared at me with crossed arms and raised eyebrows.

"I come here all the time," he informed me, clearly not understanding my clandestine behavior.

Grinning, I reached up and attempted to pinch his cheeks. "Then you have no reason to be scared," I laughed at him. He swatted my hands away with annoyance. "Come on!" I grabbed his wrist and again pulled, opening one of the doors with my free hand and leading him inside.

As we stepped onto the polished floor, a voice from above called out, "Took you guys long enough."

We both looked up to see Christian leaning on the wall of the second floor balcony. He motioned to us, and we quickly ran up the stairs together. I noticed with amusement that I no longer had to pull Justin along.

"What are you doing here?" Justin asked him. "Aren't you supposed to be at dance class?"

"I'm skipping," Christian replied. He indicated the stairs that led to the third floor and commented, "One more flight." Once we had all climbed up, he led us down the hall towards the practice rooms. "I got the corner one," he called over his shoulder to me. "Had to sit outside and wait for half an hour for some screechy soprano to stop her pathetic attempts at singing, but I finally got it."

"The corner room?" Justin asked, speeding up a bit to walk next to him. "The really big one with the beautiful grand piano?"

"That's the one."

"Why? What's going on?" He glanced briefly at me over his shoulder. "Sora wouldn't tell me anything."

"Good," Christian grinned. I stifled a giggle at Justin's annoyed expression. "Just trust us. You'll find out soon enough."

Walking along the third floor of Lang was like walking through a wall of sound. Dozens of melodies from pianos, voices, and other instruments all overlapped and competed for dominance, creating a haze of noise without form or reason. Once you got into one of those rooms and shut the door, it wasn't so bad, especially when you began to add your own melody to the mix. But out here in the hall, it was hard not to cover my ears and cringe at all the aural conflict.

Justin had once told me that you get used to it, although I hadn't yet. I guess he and Chris had though, for they both walked down the hall without even so much as a twitch. And when we neared the corner room, Justin slowed down more and more until he came to a stop. His face had taken on a dazed, faraway look.

"What's up?" I asked, even though I had a vague idea what it might be.

"That's my music," he answered distantly. From behind the door to the practice room, sounds of a piano drifted out to us, playing notes that Justin recognized as his own.

"Sora's quite the sneak," Christian explained. He ignored my outraged "Hey!" and continued, "He took that piece you finished earlier this week and made copies for me and Leon. We practiced a bit this afternoon, and now we'd like to hear it with all three of us." He smiled encouragingly at Justin who was still blinking in shock. "You do write music with the intention that it should be played, right?"

"Yes, but … but I …"

Still smiling gently, Chris took Justin's free hand with one of his own and, with the other, opened the door to the practice room and pulled him inside. I followed, trying very, very hard not to giggle like a lunatic.

Inside, Leon stopped playing and lifted his head when we entered. A faint smile flickered over his features. "Good," he commented to Cloud who was sitting on the bench next to him. "Now it'll sound even better." Cloud said nothing in reply but stood up to give the other musicians some room. He wandered over to me, and we sat down against the wall while Chris and Leon bullied Justin into getting his violin out and tuning it.

Sitting there waiting for them to start, I couldn't help wiggling a little in excitement. Christian had come up with this idea the moment I had told him about Justin's composition. Use music to get Justin comfortable with Leon, and not just Leon by himself but Leon and Cloud together. Put him at ease with his own music while using their presence together as a couple to slowly help him accept that their love truly exists. It was such a simple and gentle plan, quite unlike the risky ones he had first thrown past me. And because it was so simple, Cloud and Leon had agreed without a second thought.

"Okay, do you want to just go and see how it sounds?"

Christian nodded. "Sure. Like I said, Leon and I have been practicing. There will still be some problems since we're adding you in, but it's not like we're sight-reading."

"Good thing, too," Leon added with a mild snort. "My sight-reading sucks."

Justin smiled a little at him and tucked his violin under his chin. Christian lifted his flute to his lips and Leon arched his hands over the piano keys, but neither looked entirely ready to play. They just looked at Justin as if waiting.

"What's going on?" I whispered to Cloud.

"He has an intro solo," Cloud explained in an equal volume.

"Oh."

And the bow came down.

I shut my eyes and listened to Justin's melody. It was soft and sweet with a definite Celtic lilt to it. Christian came in a few bars later as a counterpoint, first below the line, then above. The music wasn't as sad as the piece for his sister, but not exactly happy either. It was … haunting. Like reliving fond memories. Leon entered then with an arpeggio that filled out the sound, and the three of them let their instruments intertwine into one image that clouded into my mind. It was an empty school hallway with the echoes of children's laughter. It was a tall tree that whispered of lovers' conversations. It was beautiful things now gone that still lived on in the heart and mind.

Above all, it was over way too soon. Cloud clapped politely for them, but I think I wore off a layer of skin on my hands with my enthusiasm. "Play it again!" I demanded. So they did. But when I demanded it again, Justin just laughed at me and started putting his instrument away.

"You guys sound great together," Cloud told them as I pouted. "And it's a beautiful piece, Justin. What's it called?"

Justin blushed a bit at the compliment and replied, "It doesn't have a title yet, but I thought I would name it after Sora somehow."

"_Me?!_" I squealed, bolting to my knees. Cloud winced and clapped a hand over the ear that was next to me.

Leon smirked at us. "It's a bit too calm and subdued to be about Sora, don't you think?"

Justin smiled awkwardly and fiddled with a buckle on his violin case. "It doesn't match his personality, I know. It sort of … sort of describes how I feel when I'm around him."

Something along the lines of "Meep!" came out of my mouth. The song had such a different meaning now. To me, a normal happy person, it had a sense of remembrance, but I could see how to Justin it expressed peace, a relief from his pain. It was certainly the least melancholy thing he had written to date. And _I_ made him feel like that?

I threw myself across the room and tackled him. "Thank you so much! I'm so honored! So very, very honored!"

"Okay, okay," he laughed from underneath my sprawl of limbs. "Could you get off me, please, before I die?"

"Sorry!" I scuttled backwards and resumed my place next to Cloud. The blond senior flicked me once on the side of the head as a punishment for my ridiculousness.

"So," Christian asked as he helped Justin to his feet again, "were Leon and I decent enough backup for you?"

"You were great, just like …" he hesitated briefly but then quickly moved on, "… just like Cloud said. You both are really talented. Chris, you know how much I enjoy listening to you, and Leon …" Justin turned to him, still sitting on the piano bench, and managed a small but heartfelt smile. "I really like your phrasing. It's just how I imagined it would be."

Leon watched him for a moment with one elbow resting on the lid and the knuckles of that hand supporting his chin. Just as Justin began to squirm with discomfort, the older man said, "Thanks. Guess even Devil spawn can do well sometimes."

I jumped in shock and alarm, and next to me, Cloud hissed loudly with the same emotion. We had told Leon that this get-together wasn't supposed to be confrontational, but he apparently wanted to push. Cloud had warned us that he tends to consider disapproval as a challenge. Deeply concerned, I looked to Chris to see what he wanted to do about this change in plans, but he had taken a step away from the other two as if waiting to see how it ended. Inwardly, I cursed his willingness to take risks. We were supposed to be supporting Justin right now, not fighting him.

"I said I was sorry for that."

"Yes," Leon replied to Justin's soft statement, "but I could tell you didn't mean it. Do you mean it now?"

The two of them locked eyes for a long moment. I held my breath, and I could feel Cloud clenching and unclenching his fists. Neither of us believed this would end well.

And then Justin surprised us all by saying, "Yes, I do."

Leon smiled. "Then I forgive you."

"Thank you." Justin's eyes lowered again in a mix of embarrassment and shame. "It's just … it's just that I was brought up …"

"Oh, I know how you were brought up," Leon answered with an easy friendliness. "I was, too, although not as harshly. I'm also Catholic, you know."

"What?" I yelped. While Justin just stared at Leon and Christian shook his head in disbelief, I turned on Cloud. "Why didn't you say anything?" I demanded, for some reason deciding to place the blame on the slightly less reserved of the two.

Cloud just shrugged. "Wasn't my place to say anything."

"Yeah, but still --"

"I may not be as to-the-letter devout as you are," Leon was continuing, interrupting my sputterings, "but I still practice. Still go to mass every week."

Justin narrowed his eyes at that. "I've never seen you."

It was Leon's turn to shrug. "I don't go to the campus service. Never liked going that late at night. I have a car so I go to Our Lady of Lourdes in town." He smirked slightly, and his eyes brightened in the closest thing to a twinkle that I'd ever seen on him. "You want to go with me next week?"

For almost a full minute, Justin stood there, his head bowed, his shoulders slightly hunched, thinking. I was afraid he would blow up and start screaming at Leon for even suggesting it. I was afraid he wouldn't realize what a wonderful opportunity this was, what amazing debates they could have through their common connection of faith. And hopefully what progress he could make by having those debates, listening to those arguments, and spending time with someone who had such a similar past but such a vastly different present.

_Come on, Jay … _

"Yes," he finally said, his voice strong and steady. "Yes, I would." He lifted his head and fixed bright, smiling eyes on Leon. The other man replied by getting to his feet and ruffling Justin's hair.

"Good. I'll call you later and fix it up." Leon picked up his music, crossed the room, and held out his hand to Cloud who took the offered hand and rose to his feet. As they both started out the door, Leon turned and added as an afterthought, "I'll be sure to introduce you to Father Robert. He thinks I'm Devil spawn, too."

I could have sworn I heard Cloud laughing once the door had closed.

"Bastard," Chris whispered, just barely loud enough for me to hear. "He never told me."

I coughed lightly to get his attention, and once he looked my way, I grinned at him. He grinned right back. This little gamble had turned out far better than either of us had imagined it would.

* * *


	21. The Waltz

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: You can all thank Katnoelle's cat for this chapter, little yaoi fan-feline that she is. Send her some tuna or something if you approve.

* * *

**Twenty-One: The Waltz**

_Traditionally, balls end with a final waltz so that all couples can dance together one last time. _

_…_ _ring ring … ring ring … _

"Hello?"

"Riku?"

"Sora! What's up?" I gratefully pushed away from the program that was giving me a headache and leaned back in my chair.

Sora's voice filtered through the phone, sounding slightly odd. "There are people wearing garbage bags outside my window, and they're hitting each other with rolled-up newspapers wrapped in duct tape."

I laughed at him. "That's just the Pterodactyl Hunt, Sora. Remember? Yuffie was going on and on about it at dinner. She's probably out there right now with Selphie. Tifa, too, I bet. She enjoys a good ass-whipping."

"Ah, I thought I heard screaming." After a pause: "They're scaring me."

I smirked lightly at his words. I knew he wasn't really scared. _He_ had been scaring _us_ lately with his insane amount of bubbly energy. Two weeks of it. I was glad to see him so happy, but really, he was starting to give Yuffie a run for her money.

"Where's Jay? Can't he protect you?"

"He's still sick. He's actually asleep already."

"I see. So, you want to hang out with me instead?"

"Sure!"

I swallowed another laugh. Of course he did. That was the whole point of this call. "Should I meet you at the playground?"

"And make me _walk_ through _that_? No way!"

"Then how about you take the shuttle and come hang out here?"

"'k! See you soon! Bye!" _… click …_

I smiled down at the dead phone in my hand. That's what he had wanted in the first place. And I was pretty sure he knew that I knew, so why did he keep up with the games? Especially if Justin was knocked out from the medication for his fever and head cold. Habit, I guess. Even with Justin's mistrustful eye firmly on me, Sora had managed to find several ways over the past few weeks to spend time with me. Almost all of it was innocent and in the presence of others, but it was still nice. Any time with Sora was time I enjoyed.

After about five minutes of trying to do some more work before the shuttle arrived, I finally gave up and decided to wait downstairs for Sora. Just before I left my room, I got the idea to spend the evening outside -- it was a beautiful fall night -- so I grabbed my coat and then locked the door behind me. Downstairs, I bypassed the lounge where a bunch of freshmen had taken over the TV to play games and instead went out the front door to sit on the stone wall and wait. It was a bit windy, but not that cold, so I leaned back and enjoyed the feeling of the wind running over my face and through my hair.

Sora and I were … well … we still weren't anything yet. Just good friends. We only occasionally had the opportunity to talk or touch like lovers, and we hadn't kissed since that first time when he took me completely by surprise and sent my brain into orbit. I guess I didn't mind. I wanted him to be happy, after all, and he needed both me and Justin in order to be truly happy.

And Justin was visibly improving by the day. Chris and Sora had successfully cleared away almost all of his dark clouds, and now they were working on building up his self-esteem and his appreciation for life. And then there was the issue of how he viewed homosexuals. That had also improved. Thanks to their common religion, Justin and Leon had become friendly rivals of a sort, the shocking part being the "friendly" bit. We all knew not to get near them on Sundays unless we wanted to be dragged into a huge metaphysical debate that often lasted the entire day. I swear I had never heard Leon talk so much. Cloud apparently loved it. He confided in me that most Sunday nights Leon would release his frustrations for the day in a most non-frustrating way. Lucky bastard.

The arrival of the shuttle stopped my thoughts before they could get any more dangerous. It pulled up before the doors and gave its customary double-honk to alert anyone inside who might want to get on. As I pushed myself off the wall, the side door of the big red van opened and people began to climb out. Sora was one of the last.

"Hey, Riku," he smiled. I lifted an eyebrow at him. His smile looked fake. He hadn't faked a smile for weeks.

"Hey," I replied. I took him by the elbow and led him away from the door so that others could get on the shuttle without having to go around us. At his surprised look, I explained, "I wanted to sit outside for a while. It's a great night."

"Oh," he answered, the small smile reappearing. "Okay. That's fine."

I didn't lead him far. Just to the hill next to the dorm that ran down to the small parking lot alongside the main road. I found a nice tree about halfway down and sat down underneath it. He flopped down next to me, that fake smile firmly in place.

"So did you hear that Tidus finally asked Selphie out?" he chirped far too brightly. "Took him long enough. And Wakka asked Kairi but she said no. She's still got her eye on that upperclassman at Haverford that Tifa knows. You know, the one she met at that party the other week. Tifa told her he's a major playboy, but Kairi doesn't want to listen. Tifa said it's her heart so if she wants it broken that badly then she should go ahead. Selphie and I figure that he'll send her crying back to Wakka, and then everything will work out anyway. Oh, and I think that Naminé would be perfect for my little brother. Now I just have to figure out a way to get him to come visit so they can meet. Of course, he can be a little distant and she's sort of shy, so I don't know if it'll work right away, but --"

I cut him off by placing my hand firmly over his mouth. "Stop," I said. "You know I don't care about the lives and loves of the freshman class." I watched him blink at me, watched those amazing blue eyes as they tried to hide the emotions they felt. "What's wrong?" I asked in a softer voice. "You didn't come all the way out here to babble on about the rumor mill."

"Nothing," he replied when I let my hand fall away. "Nothing's wrong."

"Liar."

He smiled sadly then and turned his chin away from me. Determined not to let him go, I caught it in my hand and turned it back. We stared at each other for several long minutes. Just held each other's eyes in a battle of wills that slowly melted into a gentle connection of hearts. Damn him and his eyes. They got me every single time.

"Your lip is twitching."

"Is it?"

He lifted a hand and ran a finger along the right side of my mouth. At his touch, my stomach exploded with fiery butterflies, and I had to fight the urge to shut my eyes and let them roll back into my head.

"Yeah."

"It means I want to kiss you."

He smiled at that, a real one this time. Gently, he detached my hand from his chin and placed it on his cheek. Then he took my other hand and guided it to his waist. "Go ahead," he whispered. He shut his sparkling eyes, lifted his chin, and waited.

Dear God, how I had wanted this. And this time there were no bells to stop it. Since he had already shut his eyes, I moved my hand from his cheek to the back of his neck as I leaned my face down to him. I let our breath mingle together while I gently massaged his skin. His breath was warm and moist as I brought it into my own lungs, and my attention to his neck made him sigh, forcing his lips slightly open. I stayed there for as long as I could stand it, relishing the tension and the fierce attraction that made my heart race.

And then I kissed him. I half-expected him to fight me for control again, but he didn't. He welcomed me into his mouth and let me do as I wanted, only occasionally tussling with me as a form of affectionate play. I kissed him slowly, tenderly, trying to make it last as long as possible; I wanted to show him just how deeply I loved him. Our first kiss had driven me to distraction thanks to Sora's mischievous energy, but this one was filling me with warmth and a sense of completeness. I didn't want to stop, ever.

But then something strange happened. I pulled away from his lips and began to kiss his jaw with the full intention of moving on to his neck when I tasted something wet and salty. Tears. I immediately broke away with a small gasp of surprise.

Sora whimpered slightly. "Why did you stop?" he asked, opening his eyes and showing me just how wet they were.

"You're crying," I answered with more than a little confusion.

"Am I?" He tried to sound innocent, but it didn't work.

"Yes, you are."

"It's nothing." He leaned forward and tried to coax me into kissing him again, but I held his shoulders firmly and kept him back.

"It's not nothing," I insisted. "You've been acting strange ever since you got here. What is it? Tell me. Please."

Sora turned his gaze completely away from me, and I noticed that the tears began to fall more freely, as if my words had released them. I felt a bit guilty at that, but I wanted to know why he was so upset. I needed to know.

"We're going to take the next step."

"Who are?"

"Chris and I. Take the next step with Justin. And it's big. Chris says he's ready, and I think he's right, but I'm not sure if _I'm_ ready. In fact, I know I'm not because if I were, I wouldn't be so scared. And I'm scared, Riku. I'm really, _really_ scared."

He threw himself at me and buried his face in my shoulder. My arms instinctively wrapped around him. "What step is this?" I asked. "What are you two going to do?"

He shook his head against my body. "I don't want to talk about it. Please don't make me talk about it."

"Okay, Sora," I soothed him. "Okay." I pulled him tighter and rested my cheek on the top of his head. My mind spun with questions and worry, but I held them back for his sake.

We sat there for a long time, just holding each other. After a while, his shoulders stopped shaking, and he began to breathe more easily. Encouraged, I pressed a light kiss to his head which earned me a little sigh and some mumbles into my chest.

"What?"

He leaned back, giving me a clear view of his face. It was red from his recent crying but now thankfully dry. With a smile, he repeated, "I said I love you. You know that, right? Even though I haven't said it before."

I smiled back at him. "Yeah, I kind of figured it out." I ran my fingers through his hair, drinking in the small laughing sigh that escaped him. "I love you back, you know."

"I know." He grinned at me -- a real, true Sora-grin that warmed my heart. "Hey, Riku?"

"Hmm?"

"Kiss me again?"

"You gonna start crying again?"

His expression saddened, and I wanted to kick myself for speaking without thinking. "Maybe," he answered truthfully. "But if I do, don't stop, okay? I … I want to be comforted tonight. I want to feel protected."

His words set off a wave of concern within me; it was just so unlike him to say things like this. But I soon calmed myself down. Everyone gets scared and insecure sometimes. Even brick walls like Cloud and Leon, moody assholes like me, and bright sunbeams like Sora. We all have our down times, our sad sides, and it's natural to want someone else to take it away. Worrying about it was only going to make it worse for Sora, I told myself. I should just be happy that he chose me to help him and give him the comfort he needed right now.

And once I had, I could go find Chris and beat him up until he told me what was going on.

"I can do that," I whispered to him as I gathered him up in my arms. "You don't have to worry about anything. I'll take care of you."

"Thank you," he managed to reply just before I shut him up for the rest of the night.

* * *


	22. Interlude, Second Tea

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: Another dialogue chapter, and I've upped the stakes. That's right, some of these scenes have THREE people in them. So time to pay attention.

* * *

**Twenty-Two: Interlude - Second Tea **

"So, Sora, you ready to do this?"

"No! No, I'm not! Maybe we should wait and do it some other time."

"We already waited until he got over his cold. We're doing it tonight."

"But what if he gets mad? What if he kicks me out?"

"He can't kick you out. It's your room, too."

"You _know_ what I mean!"

"And if he gets mad, well, that's why I'll be there. To calm him down."

"I still don't like it."

"Look, Sora, you want to put a door in the wall, right? Well, you can't do that without punching a hole in it first. We've shored up the ceiling as much as we possibly can, so now it's time to bring out the sledgehammers."

"I can't believe you took my analogy away from me."

"Glad to be of service."

* * *

"How did it go?"

"Pretty well. K'tasiv was even more supportive than I thought he would be."

"That's wonderful! He's the eldest, right?"

"Yes."

"And then Sesnae, N'sehanin, Helia, and you."

"Very good! I am impressed."

"Naturally. So, how supportive was he?"

"He thinks he can help me persuade my parents to let me date you."

"Even though you're engaged to someone else?"

"Yes. We're going to phrase it as a natural part of human development with which I should become familiar if I am going to develop a career on a mixed-race colony."

"I see. And you think they'll buy that?"

"If K'tasiv is helping, yes."

"But you'll still have to marry your fianceé, won't you?"

"Well, we will deal with that when we come to it."

* * *

"I'm back, Sora … oh! Hi, Chris. What are you doing here?"

"Just hanging out with Sora."

"_Yeah, 'hanging' as in 'noose'_."

"_Sssst!_"

"What?"

"Nothing. Actually, Sora and I have something we need to talk to you about."

"Oh, okay. Go ahead. I just need to put this stuff away."

"No, you do that first. Then come on over here and sit down."

"All right. If you really don't mind waiting."

"We don't mind."

"_Waiting's good. How about we wait until next year?_"

"_Sssst!_"

"What?"

"Nothing."

* * *

"Leon? You there?"

"Yeah. Come on in. It's open."

"Thanks. Oh, hey, Cloud. Didn't know you were here, too. I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"If you were, I would have told you to get lost. What do you want, Riku?"

"Nothing really. I just kind of wanted someone to talk to."

"Heh, and you came to _him_?"

"Shut up. What did you want to talk about?"

"Well, do you know anything about this latest plan Chris and Sora have cooked up?"

"No, haven't heard anything about it. Cloud?"

"No, me neither."

"What is it?"

"That's the thing. Neither of them will tell me. And I'm really worried."

"Don't be. It'll be fine."

"But what if they do something stupid and I end up losing my chance with Sora?"

"You're not going to lose Sora."

"How do you know? What if they - ?"

"Riku, stop it. Yes, Chris and Sora are a bit impulsive and sometimes get carried away, but they're not stupid. You know that, right?"

"Well, yeah …"

"And you trust them, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then stop it. You're giving yourself an ulcer for no reason."

"Seriously, Riku, you're not going to lose Sora. You two belong together."

"Please don't tell me we're soulmates or something. I don't believe in that crap."

"Neither do Leon and I. I'm just saying that you two are both too stubborn and too attached to each other to let a few problems tear you apart, that's all."

"But, if something happens with Justin …"

"Then you work it out. That's what couples do, you know. Work shit out. You think Leon and I have had smooth sailing for three years? Geez, this is nothing compared to some of the crap Leonhart has put me through."

"Shut it, Strife."

"Come over here and make me."

"… It's not funny, Riku."

"Yes it is. You guys are the best. Ow, now my side hurts."

"Whatever. … Okay, both of you _stop laughing_!"

* * *

"All right, I'm done. Now, what did you want to tell me?"

"Come on over here and sit down with me."

"What?"

"Trust me. You're going to want to be sitting down. Now come here."

"Um, okay. … All right, I'm sitting down. Now what is this all about? You two are acting like you have some huge news that's going to completely turn my world upside down."

"…"

"…"

"Guys?"

"Sora, it's your show."

"Um … yeah … Jay, remember back to right after orientation when I was telling you how good-looking you are and you commented that it sounded like I was gay and I kind of hinted that I was and then you freaked out until I said I was just kidding and I really wasn't?"

"Yeah."

"Geez, Jay, you actually caught all of that?"

"You get used to it when you room with him."

"Good grief …"

"Anyway, yes Sora, I remember that."

"I lied."

"… What?"

"I lied to you, Justin. I _am_ gay."


	23. Opening Chord

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: Here you go, the resolution to the cliffhanger. Sorry to do that to you all.

* * *

**Twenty-Three: Opening Chord**

_All dances begin with a single opening chord so that partners may bow and curtsey to each other and prepare to dance. _

For me, the worst part of telling a lie is the moment when it falls apart. I mean, avoiding that moment is the reason why most of us lie in the first place. And once it's told, the potential pain of that moment only increases as time passes. That's why we'll continue to bury ourselves in deceit, layering lie upon lie, until we forget what truth used to feel like. Until nothing exists but the need to keep that lie alive.

I had finally killed mine by admitting the truth, and now I had to deal with my moment of pain, reflected in wide blue eyes.

"You … you're … I don't understand."

Justin's blank face was killing me. I threw a desperate, silent call for help to Christian who sat behind him on his bed, but my partner just nodded to me as an encouragement to go on.

Gritting my teeth, I explained further, "I've had about a half-dozen relationships since ninth grade, some fairly short, others kind of serious, but they've all been with other guys." I risked making eye contact with him in order to get my point across. "With guys, Jay. I'm queer, just like Leon and Cloud and Riku, and I always have been."

Justin's eyes narrowed, and I barely had time to realize the storm was coming before it hit.

"You lied to me. I can't believe this! I thought you were my _friend_, Sora. And you _lied_ to me!"

"He is your friend, Jay," Chris stepped in. "That's why he lied." Carefully, Christian placed his hands on Justin's trembling shoulders, and I watched in wonder as my roommate slowly calmed. Chris continued in a soothing voice, "Remember how you used to be only a month ago? Remember how you threatened to flip at him? How you did flip at Leon and Cloud and then again at Riku? Sora didn't want to lose you, so he hid himself from you so that you wouldn't push him away."

"That's ridiculous. Why would anyone do that for me?"

"Haven't you been listening to me?" I cried, leaning forward on my knees. "You're my friend, Jay! You're a wonderful, kind, talented, fun person, and I don't want to lose you."

His angry eyes blazed at me. "Yes, Sora, I have been listening. I've heard everything you said to me, and now I have to wonder how much of it was true. Were all those other things you said lies as well? Just ways to convince me to be friends with you?"

As I screeched, "No!" Christian cut in again, "Of course they weren't, and you know they weren't. Sora's not like that, Jay."

"How can I be sure what he's like if he's been lying to me?"

"Stop being so angry for a second and listen to what you're saying. You know in your heart how much you mean to Sora and how much he means to you. Yes, he lied because he was scared, but now he's telling you the truth and asking for your forgiveness. Which you should give, by the way. Sora is still Sora. Nothing has changed."

Justin's face clenched into an ugly expression of disgust. "Of course something has changed. Now he's a queer."

"No," Christian corrected, "he's always been a queer. It's just that now you know about it."

Slowly, painfully, Justin's anger began to deflate, and his rigid posture followed. He slumped back into Christian's hands, and Chris pulled him back to lean into his chest. Seeking comfort, Justin turned his bowed head towards Chris who easily made room for him along his neck and then moved his hands down to Justin's upper arms, gripping lightly to provide support. The sight of them together nearly made my heart stop. At my slight intake of breath, Christian lifted his eyes to me with a harsh glare that shut my mouth, but it took almost a minute before I had gotten my face under control again.

We had decided earlier that Justin would only be able to handle one friend being outed at a time, and since I wasn't the one who had designs on him, we agreed I would be first. But looking at them together like that made me want to jump over and start shaking Justin like a madman. Was he completely blind to his own feelings? I admit, I had thought Chris was insane for falling for Justin, had still thought it as late as five minutes ago, but now it was so obvious that he had been right. They were _perfect_ for each other. Justin had never looked so peaceful, so wholly content, even with the lingering anger and disappointment over me affecting him. Was it possible that his upbringing controlled him so much that he could no longer hear his own heart?

"So now what?" Justin finally asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked back.

"I mean I'm rooming with a gay man who already has at least one admirer, and --" He stopped suddenly, and his eyes widened for a moment before he closed them and covered them with a tired hand. "I get it," he sighed. "You like Riku."

"Yeah," I admitted in a near-whisper.

Justin snapped his head to me, angry again. "So all those times I warned you that he had his eye on you, you were really laughing at me on the inside, weren't you? You and Riku were enjoying your little joke and having a good laugh at my expense. _Weren't you?_"

I nearly fell backwards off my bed from his vitriolic accusations, but luckily, Christian came to my rescue again. "Stop it, Justin. You know Sora wouldn't do that. And I know Riku wouldn't do that, so just calm down." Justin only hissed at him in response, turning his head away with his eyes shut. After a moment of tense silence, Christian continued, "Sora, tell him the rest."

"There's _more_?" Justin demanded.

"Yes," Chris answered shortly. "And you're going to be quiet while he finishes."

"Fine."

I swallowed before beginning, "I know this is hard on you, Jay --" He cut me off with a snort, but Christian smacked him upside the head as a reminder to stay quiet. "This is hard for you to accept. And that's why I've decided that, even though I really like Riku and would love to start a relationship with him, I won't until you tell me that you're okay with it."

Justin sat there for a long moment, his brow furrowed in confusion. "I'm not sure I understand."

"I'm giving you control of my love life, Jay," I told him. "I want to stay your roommate, and if you can't room with a gay man who's in an active relationship, then I won't be in one. I'll stay single until you tell me it's okay for me to be with Riku. Until you say that you're comfortable with it."

All of Justin's anger had dissolved into shock and bewilderment. He stared at me with his mouth open, his eyes wide, not believing I had just willingly placed so much power over me into his hands. Behind him, Christian leaned forward a bit and added into his ear, "That's how much your friendship means to him. How much _you_ mean to him."

"Does Riku know?" he whispered.

"No," I answered with a shake of my head. "Not yet."

"He's going to be upset."

"It's not his decision."

Justin rose to his feet and walked several steps away from us. I watched as Christian debated within himself whether to follow before he decided to stay where he was. Together, we waited for Justin to say something else. He stood there with his back to us, his arms holding himself around the waist, his head bowed low.

"Are you sure?" he asked me after several long minutes. "If you do this … well, it may be a long time before … before I …" He shook his head violently and changed directions, "It would be so much easier for you to switch rooms. You could be happy with Riku, and I … I would … stay your friend."

"Would you really?" I asked gently. "Or would you put up a false front to deceive me?"

"I … don't know."

"Then I'm sure." I got to my own feet and crossed the room to him. Laying my hand gently on his shoulder, I declared, "I'm staying here with you, and I'll stay single until you can look me in the face and tell me that you'll still love me no matter who I'm going out with."

Slowly, a pale, long-fingered hand lifted up and placed itself over mine. "You love me that much, Sora?"

"'Course I do. You're like the brother I never had."

Justin turned his head in my direction, and I could see the smile on his face. "Idiot. You _have_ a brother."

"Well, yeah, but he's a pest. He steals my ice cream."

And then something wonderful happened: Justin began to laugh. That wonderful, bell-like laugh that I loved so much. It flowed from him in waves, filling out the entire room with its joy. And before I knew it, he had turned and pulled me into a crushing hug. It took me a minute to realize just what had happened, but when I did, I threw my own arms around him and hugged him back as hard as I could.

It was going to be okay. All of it. It really was going to be okay.

Somehow I managed to crane my neck around enough to smile at Christian. He had leaned back against the windowsill with a very self-satisfied expression, and when he caught my eye, the corner of his mouth quirked up into a smug smile and he gave me a discreet thumbs-up. I don't know how he had done it, but he had managed to read Justin perfectly. Had guided him through the difficult parts to this moment when the lies of the past had been forgiven and the trials of the future didn't seem so bad. He still had a long way to go to reach his goal, but I no longer doubted that he would get there some day. At this moment, I think I would have believed that anything was possible.

Anything at all.

* * *


	24. Down the Middle and Up

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: The next couple of chapters are going to have huge jumps in time, mainly because nothing very important happens in those time spans. So, be aware that we'll be going from fall to late winter **really** fast. Also, I will not be going any further in the J'nelxIrene relationship since that one is dealt with and finalized in the book itself.

* * *

**Twenty-Four: Down the Middle and Up **

_Down the Middle and Up: An eight-bar figure for one couple.  
1-4: Partners take right hands and dance down the center of the set.  
5-8: Partners turn towards each other to face up the set and dance back to original places. _

Two months. That's how long it had been. Two months since Sora came out to Justin and put his fate in the other's hands. Two months since I had kissed him or even touched him in any way other than by accident. Two long, cold, lonely months.

The semester was almost over. I had already finished all my finals. I'm pretty sure I did well on all of them. After all, I had plenty of time to study. It's not like I had a boyfriend or anything to distract me.

_God fucking dammit_, why was this so hard? I had actually agreed to it at first. I had been happy for him, optimistic right alongside of him. But Justin had been strict. He didn't feel comfortable with the two of us being alone together, so Sora stayed away from me except when others were around. He didn't even call me to talk the way we used to. That had pissed me off, but when I had confronted Justin about it, he had said he had made no such request. Sora had decided it on his own, as a way to convince Justin that he could trust him. And I soon found out that Sora's willpower is infinitely larger than mine.

One week stretched into two, then three. Sora's eighteenth birthday came and went without me being able to do anything other than give him a gift and wish him well. Three weeks became a month, then a month and a half. By then, I had fallen into deep depression. I felt Justin's eyes on me all the time. Whenever I mustered the courage to stare back, he would always give me a sad smile as if to thank me for my patience, but I was always too mired in darkness to let his encouraging expressions comfort me. If he could see how much I loved Sora, how much I was suffering without him, then why the hell didn't he call an end to this? Why did he continue to torture me by allowing me brief moments of Sora at meals or during group get-togethers, only to take him away and leave me with this hole in my heart?

And now here it was, December, and in a few days, we'd all be leaving for the holiday break. Dammit, my parents were the last people I wanted to see right now. My mom would undoubtedly wear herself out trying to make me feel better, and my dad would just gripe about how I was ruining Christmas for everyone with my pathetic moodiness. _Fuck_.

"Riku?"

I stopped my endless staring out the window and turned my head to the voice. Irene was standing in front of me, looking at me in concern. Her long hair was still damp as if she had just taken a shower, and it fell around her shoulders in a haphazard fashion. "What are you doing out here so early?" she asked.

"Had trouble sleeping," I answered, which was true enough. What I didn't say was that my entire room had felt small and stifling, so I had fled here to the lounge at 6:30 on a Sunday morning in the hopes that I could somehow drag myself out of this terrible feeling of hopelessness. I attempted to tease her by commenting, "Why are you here? Off to do the walk of shame?"

She smiled and, to her credit, blushed a tiny bit. "Just because I spent the night in J'nel's room doesn't mean we did anything. I was brought up very strictly, you know."

"I know," I smiled back. Being with her was easing my loneliness a little. "But now you're with your dad."

"Yes, but he's strict, too. Not as much as Mom was, granted, but more than most. And I'm no whore, Riku."

"I know you're not." I reached for her hand, and she gave it to me willingly. "You're a wonderful woman, Irene. J'nel's lucky to have you." Her hand was warm in spite of the chilly weather, and the small bit of heat in it made me painfully aware of the cold emptiness in my chest. Before I knew what was happening, there were tears in my eyes, threatening to fall.

"Come here," she whispered to me and pulled me out of the chair I had been sitting in over to the couch. She sat down at one end, throwing her coat over the back, and had me sit beside her. Then, without a word, she coaxed me into lying flat on the couch with my head in her lap. Once we had both settled, she began to run her fingers through my hair and soothe me.

"It'll be okay," she murmured as she stroked my head. "It can't last forever. At the very least, they'll both get singles when they're juniors."

"That's another year and a half, Irene. I'll have one year with him before I graduate."

"And why is graduation the end of everything?" she asked with a laugh in her voice. "There is such a thing as life after school, you know."

"I'll never last that long," I groaned.

"Of course you will," she assured me. "Love lasts as long as it's needed." I could only respond with a small sound of pain even though I knew she was right. After a few minutes where she continued to run her hand over my head and I just lay there with my eyes closed, she said quietly, "Believe it or not, I envy you."

My eyes shot open, and I turned my head to gaze into hers. "Envy me? Why?"

She smiled sadly. "Because even though you can't have Sora now, you will be able to be with him someday. Right now, you're alone, but once it's over, it'll be over for good. Whereas I … well … I'm with J'nel now, but it won't last. It can't last. Someday it will end, and there's nothing I can do about it. All I can do is make as many memories as I can while I still have him."

"Irene …" I reached up to grab the hand on my head and brought it down to my cheek, pressing it there as a gesture of comfort for both of us. She continued to smile down on me, resigned to what must be. "You still have time," I tried to convince her. "He's only forty-one. A lot can happen in nine years."

That smile still shone down, beautiful in its sadness and gentleness. "Nine years to change a culture that has endured for three thousand? I don't think so, Riku."

"But, Irene …"

"Shhh." Her hand fluttered over my face, forcing me to close my eyes. "Rest now. You haven't been sleeping well lately. I can tell." I felt a soft warmth fall over my shoulders and chest: her coat. "Rest. Don't worry about a thing. I'll stay right here with you." Her hands were in my hair again, and I felt myself giving in to her care.

"I take back what I said," I murmured as my consciousness began to fall away. "You're not a wonderful woman. You're a veritable angel."

Her soft laugh cascaded down overtop me, and just before I fell asleep, I heard her whisper, "Unfortunately for me, the N'Darie don't believe in angels."

I woke up four hours later in my own bed. Someone had pulled my desk chair over near my head, and two notes rested on top of it. One was from J'nel, telling me that he had carried me here and ordering me to spend my day relaxing. The other was from Irene, offering me her support and reminding me to take care of myself. Both of them mentioned the party our group had planned for the evening, but while J'nel had threatened to come up and drag me down if I didn't show, Irene merely hinted that I might find a couple of hyper young ladies coming after me if I tried to hide away in my room. Needless to say, Irene's threat scared me more.

I attempted to stay in my room all day, but around lunchtime, Chris appeared and dragged me to campus to eat. Then he dragged me back, practically threw my guitar at me, and ordered me to practice with him. I guess I should be grateful. Playing music made the day go faster, and it kept me from brooding over things I couldn't control. Before I knew it, I was being dragged off to dinner and then again dragged back, this time for our last gathering before everyone went home for vacation. Christian had barely let me out of his sight all day, so I couldn't have snuck off even if I had wanted to.

Because we had managed to scrounge up a decent amount of food -- Selphie had even baked a cake; we convinced Tidus to try it first -- we chose to meet in the breakfast room instead of the lounge. Almost immediately upon arriving, Tifa and Yuffie ganged up on Leon and forced him to sit at the piano and play Christmas carols. He gave them "Joy to the World", "Deck the Halls", and "O Come All Ye Faithful" before he stood up and refused to do any more. They begged for exactly five seconds since that's how long it took him to lift the bench and threaten to throw it at them. Then he stomped over and administered a fierce kiss to Cloud who had been leaning against the wall with a smirk as if he knew exactly what was coming.

Justin and Sora didn't show up right away which made me sulk viciously. Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to enjoy it, for Irene attacked me and made me play Euchre with her, J'nel, and Naminé. To my surprise, the little blonde freshman made an excellent partner, and we did fairly well in spite of my utter inability to predict tricks. Somewhere around the sixth or seventh hand, I heard a familiar laugh and looked up to see Sora standing at a different table, watching a different game. My heart sank. He had arrived but had not come over to see me. Naminé and I lost the next three hands despite her heroic attempts to save us.

By the time the game had ended -- J'nel and Irene won, naturally -- I had decided that I was done for the night. I didn't care how early it was, and I didn't care what my friends would think or say. I didn't want to be here anymore. I would just go up to my room, get the presents I had for everyone, come back down, and drop them on a table somewhere. Then, I'd go upstairs and go to bed until my parents knocked on my door to take me home. No one needed me around to give out the presents; they had labels on them. And if anyone had presents for me, they could leave them in front of my room or just keep them until next semester. I was just too damn depressed to take any more of this --

"Riku?"

I jumped. Everyone else had left the table but me, and I had been sitting there, clenching my fists so hard that my nails were biting into my palms. With a sigh of annoyance and frustration, I looked up to see who had addressed me.

Justin was standing there. Smiling at me.

"What?" I asked, a little more harshly than I had intended.

His smile didn't waver. "I'd like to give you your Christmas present now, if it's all right."

I repressed a groan and nodded instead. There really was no point in getting Justin mad at me. Not if I wanted to see Sora at least once before my senior year.

Justin's smile widened. "Good. Come with me, then. I left it in the kitchen."

He turned and walked swiftly away, looking back at me once to make sure I was following. I tailed him at a much slower walk, not particularly excited about whatever it was he had bought for me. At least this allowed me to get closer to the door. After this, I could slip out and up to my room without anyone noticing. Maybe I could actually get back in and dump the presents without alerting Irene or Christian. That would save me the hassle of getting away from them.

Justin had stopped at the door to the kitchen, waiting for me. When I got within his reach, he grabbed my left hand and pulled me the rest of the way inside. I was about to snap something about how impatient he was being, but then I saw who else was in there with us.

"Sora?"

His beautiful blue eyes blinked at me a few times before his face broke out into a wide smile of joy. "Seriously?" he asked Justin. "Riku is my Christmas present?"

Justin didn't answer. Instead, he took Sora's right hand and lifted it up level with my left. He slipped our hands together. Then, he reached into a pocket and pulled out a long length of red ribbon. Carefully, he tied it around our joined hands and finished it with a big bow. He took a step back.

"Merry Christmas," Justin said. "To both of you."

I couldn't say a word. I had completely lost my ability to speak. Sora had launched into thank you after thank you, attempting to hug Justin with his free hand, but I could only stand and stare. Justin had given Sora to me. His hand was in mine. We could be together now. I could hold him whenever I wanted, touch him, kiss …

"Riku, aren't you going to say thank you to Jus -- mmf!"

Before he could finish, I had yanked him to me and kissed him hard, pouring all my heartache and loneliness into it, desperately trying to ease the cold that had been inside me for months. He shuddered against me as I pried his lips open and forced my way into his mouth. I could feel his heat against me, could feel him melting in my arms, and it made my head swim. Sora was mine. He was here. This was real. He was _mine_.

Justin's laughter cleared my head and brought me out of my passionate haze. "You're welcome," he said, patting me once on the shoulder. He smiled at the two of us -- holding each other and breathing hard, our hands still tied together with ribbon -- and then turned and walked out of the kitchen.

Before he left, he called, "You have ten minutes. Then I'm sending Leon in to break you up."

* * *


	25. Grand March

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: A fluffy chapter before the angst begins anew. Hope you like it.

* * *

**Twenty-Five: Grand March**

_Grand March: An entrance march that begins a ball.  
All couples line up and enter the hall. The hosts of the ball stand at the far end of the hall.  
Upon reaching the hosts, the line splits and then reforms several times, creating several patterns. _

"How do I look?"

I lifted my head from my book of Aeschylus to look at Justin. And nearly fell off the bed. He had dressed up for the dance club's annual ball, and he looked _good_. He had on a simple pair of black pants and a white shirt so crisp it looked dangerous. Overtop the shirt, he wore a Scottish vest that Christian had lent him, a Prince Charlie, I think he had said. The coat had been too big, so Justin just wore the waistcoat, a simple and sharp black vest with silver buttons at the bottom. The contrast of the white and black really brought out the fairness of his skin, the blue of his eyes, and the dress cut of everything showed off his long legs and his thin hips.

If I could get Riku to wear something like that … I just might faint.

"That bad, huh?" he teased at my complete inability to form anything coherent.

Desperate to stop looking like a suffocating goldfish, I coughed several times and finally managed, "You might want to get someone to escort you to Tarble. If you go out like that, you're gonna get mobbed."

He just laughed at me and turned back to the mirror to double-check his collar. Throwing me a playful look in the glass, he asked, "Are you really going like that?"

I looked down at my sweatshirt and jeans. "What's wrong with it?" I asked back. "I'm not going to dance or anything."

He sighed dramatically at me. "Yes, but your boyfriend will be there, and he'll be all dressed up. Won't you be embarrassed to look so sloppy?"

My face flushed bright red, although it was mostly from the fact that I still hadn't gotten used to Justin referring to Riku as my boyfriend. Heck, I hadn't gotten used to the fact that Riku _was_ my boyfriend, and we had already been together for almost two months.

Rolling his eyes at me like I was a hopeless case, Justin walked over to my dresser and began rooting around in my drawers. "Here," he said, tossing me a blue turtleneck. "Put this on. And these." A pair of tan slacks hit me in the face. "I'm not letting you go to a ball in jeans, even to watch."

"Geez, Jay," I sighed as I pulled the pants off my head, "the way you're acting, people'd think you were the gay man in this room instead of me."

A low hiss informed me that I had gone too far. I lifted nervous eyes to my roommate to find him standing rigidly with his back to me, one hand on the drawer he had just closed. Waves of cold anger radiated off of his stiff form. "That's not funny, Sora," he growled.

"I'm sorry," I replied quickly.

"Get changed."

"Okay."

I tore off my sweatshirt and began putting on the turtleneck he had given me, cursing my stupidity. Even though four months had passed since I had come out to Justin, he still wasn't entirely comfortable with everything. He had accepted me, had accepted that I loved Riku and that Riku loved me, but there were still things that he continued to struggle with. Even after months of listening to Christian build up his confidence, months of watching two successful gay couples interact, months of experiencing happiness and contentment with barely a flicker of his old misery, even now Justin would flare up at the slightest hint that he was anything other than straight. I hadn't talked to Chris about it in a while, but it seemed we had hit an obstacle that even he couldn't surmount.

"There. Now you look presentable." Justin handed me a pair of brown shoes and then beaned me with my coat. As I put everything else on, he donned his own coat and picked up his violin case. "Let's go."

Tarble sits right next door to Parish, so we were outside for a grand total of a minute and a half, I think. That was fine with me. It had snowed again, and the sidewalks were kind of icy. I slipped a couple of times between one door and the next, and once only a quick grab by Justin saved me from becoming a human snowcone. If that had happened, I so would have turned around and gone home. Even the prospect of Riku in dress clothes wasn't worth sitting there with snow melting in my trousers.

Once inside, Justin and I climbed the stairs to the huge hall on the second floor. And were immediately attacked by a bunch of hyper women.

"Justin! You look so handsome!" Yuffie cried, throwing her arms around him. He threw me a pleading look for assistance, but I could only stare. She was wearing a _dress_! An actual dress that went down to her ankles.

A tug on my arm refocused my attention. I turned to find Irene's bright eyes smiling at me. "Sora, please say you'll dance with me once tonight. Just one. English is easy, I swear."

"Um … I don't think …"

"Ooo, dance with me, too, Sora!" Selphie cried, grabbing my other arm. I looked over her shoulder to see Tidus sniggering at me. "Please, please, please, please …"

"Here, let me see your program," Yuffie ordered, finally releasing Justin who escaped to the musicians' platform. She grabbed at the small book attached to Selphie's dress by a safety pin and a long ribbon. Selphie yelped in protest, but Yuffie ignored her and instead rifled through the pages. "Okay, Sora can dance Apley House with Irene and Well Hall with Selphie …"

"Ooooo! Goodie!"

"Wait! I really don't think --"

"And then The Bishop with me and Easter Thursday with Tifa and --"

"Excuse me, ladies," a smooth voice interrupted just as a pair of warm and familiar arms encircled my waist, "but if Sora is dancing with anyone tonight, it will be with me."

I sighed and leaned back into Riku's arms, so very happy to be rescued, as the girls either giggled or whined. Releasing me briefly, he flicked both hands at them to shoo them away, and I caught a glimpse of fancy cuff-links at the end of his sleeves. I had meant my little groan to be internal, but it slipped past my lips anyway as I clamped both hands over my eyes.

"Sora?" he questioned in my ear.

"You're all dressed up, aren't you?" I replied.

"Well, yeah."

"I'm going to take one look at you and pass out, aren't I?"

He laughed brightly at me and spun me around to face him. I felt his fingers on mine, slowly trying to pry them from my face. "Don't be such a goof, Sora. It's just a shirt and tie. You look really nice, too, you know. Although I'm annoyed at how high your neck is," he teased. "Won't be easy to access."

To my horror, I heard my roommate's voice comment, "You can still reach his ears, though."

"True."

"Hey!" I yelled, dropping my hands to glare menacingly at the two jerks who would talk about such personal things in public. The sight in front of me made my jaw drop and my knees go weak.

Riku hadn't lied. He was wearing a simple white shirt with a dark green tie and navy slacks. But the color of his tie brought out the green of his eyes, and he had pulled his hair back, not into a messy ponytail like usual, but into a tight, carefully styled one with a few wisps of hair falling down to frame his face. And Justin was standing behind him on one of the risers, his violin resting on one cocked hip and a wide, teasing smile on his lips. They were both so freaking _gorgeous_. I didn't understand why every girl in the place wasn't all over them right now.

Two fingers slid under my chin and pushed my jaw back into place. "You goof," Riku laughed at me again. He slipped his hand into mine. "Come on." His hand pulled me towards the small table at the front of the hall.

Tifa greeted us from behind the table. She took the money Riku offered and passed him a program. Her deep brown eyes stared at me when I declared I was there just to watch, but thankfully she let it go and only waved us to the other end of the table. At this end, she had laid out a bunch of red and white carnations, a few pairs of scissors, and a package of pins.

"They're for the Swat students," Riku explained to me, taking a red one and clipping it to a manageable length. He dug out a pin from the box and carefully pinned the flower to his shirt. Then, he picked up a white one for me.

"But I'm not dancing!" I protested, watching him cut the stem and root for another pin.

"It's okay," he answered. I started to argue some more, but he silenced me by saying, "Stop moving or I'm liable to draw blood."

A few minutes later, Riku took my hand again and led me back to the risers to sit and wait for the ball to begin. I'm sure I looked like a complete idiot thanks to the silly grin on my face, but I didn't care. I had the pleasant memory of Riku's warm fingers on my chest, directly over my heart as he pinned the flower to me, along with the gentle tingling of my lips from the short kiss he had given me once he had finished. Even after two months, I still had to occasionally remind myself that I was actually going out with Riku and that it wasn't just a pretty dream.

Once we had settled onto a bench, Riku's arm around me and my head on his shoulder, I took a moment to look around the hall. Christian had arrived and was tuning up his flute as Justin talked to him. Leon and Cloud also arrived as I watched them. Leon started setting up his sheet music at the piano while Cloud scanned the seats until he found me. He nodded once to me, and I waved back. We had agreed to sit together during the ball since both of us were there solely on behalf of our boyfriends. Apparently the size of a ball required the fuller tones of a piano to underscore the melodies, so Leon had volunteered to play while Riku had left his guitar in his room, content to dance.

My eyes wandered further into the room, and I noticed J'nel and Irene chatting with Yuffie and a tall, dark stranger. I elbowed Riku in the ribs and asked, "Who's that with Yuffie?"

He growled slightly from the abuse I had inflicted to his side before answering, "Her boyfriend, Vincent. He's an alum. He was a senior when she was a freshman. She's been chasing him since she met him. He finally gave in last summer."

I looked more closely at the tall man who had dressed entirely in black except for the red carnation pinned to his shirt. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and his chin down, apparently oblivious to the excited young woman hanging on his arm. "What is a guy like that doing with someone like her? Doesn't she drive him nuts?"

Riku laughed, making my head bounce with the shaking of his shoulders. "One would think. But I've seen stranger couples in my time."

"Like you and me?" I teased.

"Sora," he scoffed, playing along with me. "How could you? You know that you and I are the ideal couple in every way." His fingers tilted up my head to look at him, and I smiled up into his own smiling face. After a moment, he leaned down and kissed me sweetly. I was about to open my mouth and invite him in when we both heard a pronounced cough from behind us.

"Break it up, lovebirds," Cloud ordered, taking each of us by the collar and forcing us apart. Then he hauled Riku to his feet and gave him a light push towards the stairs. "Go dance," he said. "I'll take care of your boyfriend for you." As Riku waved once to me and ran down the stairs, Cloud settled into the spot that Riku had vacated. "Damn kids," he muttered, but I caught the affectionate smile he briefly threw my way.

The ball itself was a blur of color and sound. The women all had on fancy dresses, sort of like a prom but with a more mature taste. Most of them seemed to have chosen their outfits based on how fully their skirts would flare when they turned, which they did a whole lot. Several of the men had kilts on along with their fancy dancing shoes and knee socks. I liked the way Riku looked, though, and I kept my eyes on him for most of the night. I liked the way his hair flew out behind him when he moved and the way he would twirl his partner a bit more than necessary, usually making her laugh at him. I liked how crisp his footwork was and how, if his partner was really skilled, the two of them would increase the difficulty of their figures with added ornamentation. And I _really_ liked the way how, after each dance ended, he would look up at me and smile before turning to find a new partner.

At the tea break, Cloud and I went down to the main floor to join everyone else for cookies and breads and fruits and all sorts of delicious stuff. Tifa corralled us all into a group photo at one point and responded to my protest that I was just a spectator by shoving me into Riku and telling me to shut up and smile. When the dancing restarted, Cloud and I returned to our places on the risers, me blushing furiously due to the fierce kiss Riku had bestowed on me as a goodbye, Cloud watching me with that damned knowing smirk on his face.

At about eleven-thirty, the final dance ended and people began to wander over to the risers to change their shoes and pick up their coats. The musicians had launched into a last waltz, and most of the couples that I knew were out on the floor dancing, including Selphie and Tidus in spite of their mutual clumsiness.

"Sora?"

I looked down to see Riku standing at the bottom of the stairs near the musicians. He was red in the face from all the exercise, and his hair had come undone in places, the loose strands sticking to his face with sweat, but he still looked beautiful to me. With a smile, he motioned with his head for me to come down to him. When I had, he held out a hand to me.

"Dance with me?"

My eyes went wide. "I … I can't. I don't know how."

"You can count to three, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then you can waltz," he assured me. He reached down and took my hand, but I still resisted.

"Really, I can't. I'm all feet. I'll step all over you. I--"

My protests stopped when I felt a pressure on my back and was suddenly pushed forward into Riku's arms. I looked back over my shoulder to see a smiling Justin looking down on me, still playing the waltz on his violin. He had shoved me over to Riku with his foot!

"Come on," Riku laughed in my ear. He carefully led me out to the floor, and for the first time in my life, I waltzed. It was completely terrible. I trod on his feet more times than I could count, and I nearly fell down more than once. But each time Riku just smiled and pulled me back into the dance, and by the end, I had gotten the hang of it enough to hold my own when he spun me around in a fast turn.

Eventually, the music ended. I stood there in his arms for a long moment, just looking up at him.

"Maybe I'll start coming to class," I said.

He smiled. "I'd like that."

* * *


	26. Strathspey

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: Dammit, **this** chapter was supposed to be "The Knot" but I didn't think I'd get this far and still have enough figures and terms. Oh well. This title works well enough when you realize, as most good musicians do, that the slower the piece, the more difficult it is. Same for dancing. Slow lets you think about the next figure, but it also means you have to have better balance and cleaner footwork. Strathspeys can be damned hard sometimes. And the music is often angsty, so it fits.

* * *

**Twenty-Six: Strathspey**

_Strathspey: A slow-time dance in 4/4 time.  
Uses a slower version of the skip-change step and side-to-side setting._

It had been such a perfect night. I had worn myself out dancing. My feet had flown over the floor as if possessed by the indescribable magic that always filled the room whenever Chris and Jay played together. And then Sora had given me the perfect ending to a wonderful night by agreeing to waltz with me.

Sora. He is such an amazing klutz. I don't think I've ever had my feet stepped on that much in my entire life. But it didn't matter because he was _dancing_ with me. He was in my arms, and I was leading him -- or at least attempting to lead him -- across the floor. I spent the first half of the dance trying to get him to look at me instead of his feet, and once he did, the whole thing went much more smoothly. I still got my feet stepped on, but at least he had stopped caring. I hadn't cared in the first place.

The whole thing was just so magical and unreal. I should have known it wasn't going to last.

"Hey Riku," Cloud said, coming up to me as I helped Sora into his coat. "Leon said he'll be leaving as soon as he cleans up his stuff, so if you want a ride back, make sure you're ready to go by then."

"Sure thing," I answered, and Cloud walked away.

Sora claimed my hands, stopping them from trying to zip up his coat, and lifted them to his lips. As he kissed each finger tenderly, he said, "I'm sorry I can't offer you a spot in my room instead, but you know, that whole roommate thing."

"I know," I replied, very much enjoying the attention my fingers were getting. "I have one, too. Although next year I won't." I grinned at the thought and added, "And Justin will think he doesn't have one either."

Sora snorted at the implication and dropped my hands to plant his fists on his hips. "Not if you live in ML again," he informed me with that adorable pout. "That walk is just too long to take in the morning."

I stepped back with a hand to my chest, faking horror, although to be truthful, I didn't have to act that much. "Sora! Are you going to make me live _on campus_?"

He folded his arms, frowning. "Of course not. I'm just saying that if you live off campus, I'll be sleeping in my own room, thank you very much."

"How could you?" I began, but I stopped when I heard my words echoed by a much angrier, pain-laced voice coming from the outside balcony at the top of the risers.

"How could you?! You fucking _bastard!_ I trusted you! _How could you do this to me?!_"

Sora and I both turned to look up at the entrance to the balcony just as Justin appeared, his pale face contorted in black rage. He fled down the riser stairs, turned the corner without acknowledging us, and ran down the steps to the first floor, leaving his coat behind. As he passed, I caught a glimpse of the most violent hatred I have ever seen. The sheer force of it took my breath away.

A split-second glance passed between me and Sora; then he had picked up Justin's coat and run after him, calling out his name, while I sprinted up the riser stairs to the balcony, knowing in my heart just who the "fucking bastard" would be.

He was curled up against the wall, his face hidden from me in the dark. He looked broken, utterly crushed. Carefully, I knelt down next to him. "Christian …"

"Dammit, Riku," Leon's voice cut through the silence, and a second later, he had appeared in the entranceway. "I thought Cloud told you I wanted to get out --" His voice died away as he saw Christian's crumpled form. "What the hell happened out here?" he asked in a whisper.

No one had the chance to answer, for right then we heard the slam of the door downstairs as it flew open. And then another slam and a voice that I will always recognize no matter the situation.

"Jay!"

"Go away!" Justin's voice screeched, bouncing over the snow to reach us on the balcony. "Leave me alone!"

"Jay, it's me! It's Sora! Please calm down!"

And then there was silence except for harsh breathing that I assumed belonged to Justin and Sora's soft murmuring which I couldn't understand.

"What's going on?" Christian asked after a moment. Leon and I both turned to look at him, but he kept his face hidden from us. His voice had sounded thick and slurred. I reached out a hand to turn him towards me, but he shrugged it off.

Leon had moved forward to the balcony's edge in order to answer Chris's question. In a low monotone, he described the situation for us. "Sora is draping Justin's coat around him. … Now he's looking at Justin's hands. Seems like he slipped and hurt himself. … Must not be too bad because Sora's getting him to his feet. … A couple of ball stragglers just came up, offering help probably. … Sora just sent them away. He's taking Justin to Parish. … They've gone inside." At the last statement, he turned his attention back to Christian and demanded, "Now, what happened?"

Christian finally turned his head to us, and I fell over backwards at the sight of blood. Justin had split his lip open.

"Shit," Leon commented. "What did you do to deserve that?"

Chris smiled, but there wasn't any joy in it, only pain. "Kissed him," he answered.

"I'll go get a napkin or a tissue or something," I offered, starting to stand up, but Chris grabbed my wrist and kept me there.

"Leave it," he said.

"But you're bleeding all over your shirt."

"I said leave it!" he growled. For a moment, his eyes flared with a familiar fire, but they quickly died again. "I don't care about the shirt."

I opened my mouth to protest further, but another voice cut me off. "Leon?" Cloud's silhouette appeared in the rectangle of light that led indoors. "Yuffie's talking about going out to get ice cream and wants to know if we want to come."

"I already told her no," Leon replied harshly, his gaze still focused on me and Christian.

But Cloud had not come out far enough to see us, so he persisted, "Yeah, but Vincent is leaving to go back to the Academy tomorrow, and I thought it would be nice to spend some time with him."

"I said no!" Leon turned on his boyfriend with a look of intense anger born from the tension that hovered over the balcony.

Cloud stepped back, shocked. "All right!" he snapped back. "You don't have to bite my head off! Jesus H. Christ."

Sighing, Leon lifted a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I'm sorry, Cloud. Look, I'll come say goodbye to Vincent now, all right?" He turned his gaze to me and said quietly, "You two take your time. We'll leave when you're ready."

"Okay," I replied. "Thanks."

He nodded once and pushed past Cloud who had finally stepped out and seen us. Cloud's eyes widened at the sight of Christian, and he had opened his mouth to comment when Leon's hand grabbed him around the wrist and pulled him back inside with him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked after a moment of awkward silence.

"Yeah," he answered. "I'm fine." I watched quietly as he probed his injury with his tongue, watched as he winced in pain and pulled the tongue back in. "Damn thing's gonna swell."

"Well of course." He smiled a little at my comment, but it soon faded. When it became apparent that he had no more to say, I prodded, "Chris, what happened?"

"Told you. I kissed him. He slugged me."

"No, that's not what I mean, and you know it."

Christian sighed, and his eyes floated away from me, drifting out of focus. "I was kind of hot after the ball, so I told Jay I was going to come out here and asked if he wanted to join me. Not because I had planned this or anything. Just because I like his company. He said sure, so we came out and talked. Mostly about the music, you know how he is. But the idiot hadn't brought out his coat and he got cold. So I … I tried to fit us both in mine."

"Chris …"

"Shut up," he cut me off before I could admonish him. "I was fine. My willpower's strong, you know that. It would have been fine if only …" He shut his eyes and ran a hand over them in fatigue. "If only he hadn't looked so happy. He was smiling and laughing at how squashed we were, and he pulled in close like he wanted to be there. He looked up at me with this sweet smile, and I …"

"You couldn't resist."

"Dammit, Riku, it's not about resistance!" His brown eyes flared at me, and I shut my mouth. "It's about knowledge. It's about feeling. And I knew … I thought I knew that it would be okay. That he was ready." He shook his head sadly. "Boy was I wrong. Next thing I knew, I was here on the ground being screamed at. And he wasn't obvious like your sweet Sora. No major league wind-up. One minute, I'm trying to catch my balance because he's pulled away, the next I'm lying on the ground with blood on my face." He grimaced and gingerly poked at the cut again with his tongue.

"I've ruined everything," he whispered after a long pause. "I've completely messed it up. The one time it really mattered, I read him wrong, and now it's over."

The empty, defeated tone of his voice set off a wave of angry determination in me. This was not the way this story was going to end. I wouldn't let it end this way. "No," I replied hotly. "I don't believe that. I _refuse_ to believe it. You've worked so hard, and he's come so far. You two mean so much to each other. It _can't_ be over just like that."

"Riku," Chris smiled, "I showed my hand too early, and it backfired. I can't take it back. I tried to help Sora put a door in the wall, but I took the supports away before everything had settled, and now the whole house has fallen down."

"Argh, you and Sora and your fucking analogies!" I cried. I took him firmly by the shoulders and made him look at me. "Remember back in September when you told me that Jay is your soulmate, and I said you were fucking nuts?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you've gone and proved me wrong, you moron. I _agree_ with you now. All you have to do is look at you two when you're together, and it's so _obvious_. So don't you dare give up on him now. You took a chance and it didn't work. You got hurt and so did he. That's no reason to just abandon everything you've worked for, everything that makes you happy!"

Smiling, Christian lifted an eyebrow at my face, flushed with emotion. "You going to hit me now, too, Riku?"

I shoved him backwards with a sigh of frustration. "No, idiot. I'm going to help you. And Sora will, too. It _will _turn out all right. We'll _make_ it turn out all right."

A little bit of Christian's familiar grin shone out at me in the dark. "Thought you didn't believe in fairy tale endings in real life."

"I didn't," I replied with a smile of my own. "You changed my mind." As he chuckled lightly, I got to my feet and held out my hands to him. "Now come on and get up. It's _freezing_ out here."

He gave me his hands, let me haul him to his feet, and together we went back inside to where Leon waited for us.

* * *


	27. Swing

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: Man, this AU stuff is really messing with me. I've finally gotten to crucial events that, while they don't actually happen in the book, are referred to in detail in it, and it's just not playing out that way in this different universe. In the real _Amazing Grace_ universe, Justin hasn't had the LeonxCloud and SoraxRiku relationships to get used to, so when Chris pops the homosexual thing on him, his reactions have a lot more disgust and anger in them than I'm getting here. Here it's mostly pain and distrust. And yet, both scenarios are quintessentially Justin; they're just at different parts of his development. Funny how characters will do that to you. Well, if I've learned one thing over the years, it's not to fight the characters. They know themselves better than I do after all.

On a different note, this chapter really made me miss Vindeflei. ... sniffle ... But I left her out on purpose so Irene had to take her place. Irene's a good kid, but she's no Vindeflei. ... sigh ...

* * *

**Twenty-Seven: Swing **

_Swing Step: A turn used in contra dancing.  
Partners take ballroom hold or clasp hands around each others' waists.  
Partners stand with the outside of their right feet close but not touching.  
Partners turn by alternating pressure between their left and right feet.  
The left foot is used to push off; the right foot is stationary except to rotate. _

_Dear God, help me. Tell me what to do, what to say. Help me make this right again. I feel so completely helpless right now. Please, _please_ help me._

I glanced up from my prayer to check on Justin. He was still on his bed, just lying there with open, staring eyes. He had barely moved from that position all day long. His violin, his comfort and solace for so many long years, lay ignored on the floor where Cloud had left it when he returned it the previous night.

Across from me, Irene cleared her throat slightly to remind me that it was my play. I smiled apologetically at her and tried to focus on the cards in my hands. She had come over right away this morning when I had called, frantic. I had been completely unable to get Jay out of bed, but Irene, with her gentle ways, had somehow coaxed him out and into the shower. She had also, after a few unsuccessful attempts of her own, advised me to stop trying to get him to talk to us. He'll talk when he's ready, she had said. All we can do is be there when he is.

She had been the one to get him to eat as well, guiding him down to Sharples and getting his meals herself while I sat with him in the small room. At both lunch and dinner, he had eaten what she put in front of him, but both times, as soon as he had finished, he had stood up and walked back to our room on his own. Only to stretch back out on the bed and stare.

I was so scared. So terribly, horribly scared. He had said nothing, _nothing_, all day long. He had skipped mass with Leon, had skipped it again when the campus one rolled around. That more than anything terrified me. Justin had never skipped mass for anything except debilitating illness.

So here it was, eight-thirty on Sunday night, and I was sitting on the floor with Irene, trying to concentrate on a game of Polish rummy and failing miserably, and my sweet, kind, wonderful roommate was on the bed in abject misery, in the same motionless position he had been lying in for the past two hours.

And then, at exactly eight-thirty-four, I heard movement and deep, labored inhalations. I pivoted in my seat to find Justin sitting up on his bed, his chest heaving as he drew in one breath after another. His hands rose to the sides of his head, clenched into fists, and his eyes shut tightly. And then Justin drew in one more final preparatory breath and _screamed_. A loud, long, soul-cleansing scream that spoke of years of pain and repression, of dreams shattered and trusts betrayed, and of desperate, paralyzing fear for what still lay ahead.

He screamed himself hoarse and then, when he could no longer get any sound out, collapsed on the bed and cried.

Irene had him in her arms in seconds. I debated whether or not to join her but finally decided to stand watch at the door for a bit to shoo away our hallmates who were sure to come knocking out of concern. By the time I got them all to go away, Justin had stopped crying. He lay quiet in Irene's arms as she rocked him, holding her arms tightly with his pale hands as if he would be swept away and drowned if he let her go.

Tired, I sat down on my bed, expecting more silence, but a thin, scratchy voice grabbed my attention. "You knew, didn't you Sora?"

I looked up, surprised, into Jay's eyes. They were so sad, like they had been all those months ago, and yet they were different from that time as well. Instead of that deep despair and self-hating disgust with life, I saw heartbreak. Pain so simple and sharp. Pain in its truest form.

"I knew," I admitted to him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because …" I stopped a minute, not entirely sure what to say. I wanted to tell him the truth, but I wanted to say it in a way that wouldn't cause more problems. Finally, I said, "Because I didn't want to hurt him. If I had told you, you would have pushed him away, and as long as he was loving you in silence, I didn't see a reason to make you hate him. You two are such good friends, and I didn't want to destroy that."

His eyes closed, and I could see from the calm expression on his face that he accepted that and understood it. But then his brow furrowed and his eyes flicked back open. "Wait. Loving me?"

I blinked at him for a moment before I realized what he was asking. "Yes. He loves you. Didn't you know that?" His brow only creased more in response, so I added, "Did you think he helped you as much as he did just to get in your pants? As a way to manipulate you into bed?" A flicker in Jay's eyes told me that, while he didn't truly believe it, he had considered it. "No," I assured him. "He loves you, adores you really, and he wants you to be happy."

"That's stupid," Justin croaked, his voice still suffering from his emotional purging. "I'm straight," he stated. "I'd never in a million years even consider the possibility --"

"Well, love is stupid sometimes," I interrupted.

"That's true enough," Irene agreed quietly, speaking for the first time. Justin smiled a bit at her voice and found one of her hands with his own. "Jay," she asked gently, "you want to talk now?"

He shook his head. "Throat hurts."

I laughed a little at him. "That's not surprising." Irene made a face at me in reprimand, but Justin chuckled a tiny bit, assuring me that it was okay. "What do you want to do then?" I asked him.

His shoulders moved in a small tired shrug. "Just go to bed, I guess. You two should call your boyfriends. You've worried about me all day, and I appreciate it, but they've worried about you as well."

"And you, Jay," Irene added, running her hand through his hair. "All your friends are worried about you."

He sighed and closed his sad eyes. "I'll be fine. I promise."

After a brief discussion with me, Irene decided to go on back to her room to call J'nel and leave Justin in my care. She spent a few more minutes mothering him, covering him with blankets and murmuring soft words of support, but eventually she left, bestowing a soft kiss on each of us before disappearing through the door. I pulled out my desk chair and sat down in preparation to call Riku, but a thought occurred to me before I had done more than put a hand on the receiver.

"Jay, can I ask you something?" When his eyes opened and he smiled slightly, I continued, "Riku is going to want to know, and so do I. How long before you'll be ready to talk to Chris?"

The little smile vanished, and I watched in regret as the pain reappeared. Softly, he answered, "I don't want to see him ever again."

His answer didn't entirely surprise me, but it still hurt. "You can't mean that. You're such good friends. I'm sure if you just talk about it, you guys can come to an agreement. You can work it out. You can --"

"Sora," he interrupted me calmly. "Stop. I know you didn't want this to happen, but it did and it can't be undone. Now that I know, I can't be friends with him anymore. I'm not going to hate him, but I don't want to see him again. Ever."

"Why?" I demanded, now completely confused. "Because he's gay? You found out I'm gay, and you're still friends with me."

"Yes, but this is different."

"_Why_?"

Sighing in fatigue, Justin sat up in his bed. I almost told him to forget about it when I saw just how tired he was, but I selfishly kept quiet. I wanted to know the answers to these questions. Why he could accept me but not Christian.

"I don't know if you'll understand this or not," he began, "but I'm still friends with you because you're in love with Riku. I still think …" He hesitated with the hint of a smirk on his face. "Well, to put it bluntly, I still think you're going to Hell." At my outraged squeak, he laughed a bit and clarified, "Or, to say it another way, your soul will not be welcomed into the Kingdom of Heaven without atonement. But after a lot of thinking and arguing with Leon and observing you, I came to realize that it isn't any of my business." He smiled a little and shrugged. "Why should I make us both unhappy by pushing you away or hounding you to change? You love Riku, he makes you happy, and I like to see you happy, Sora. And being with you doesn't affect my life or my soul in any way."

"Then what about Chris?" I asked as he paused. "Why can't you be friends with him if his soul is his own responsibility?"

"Because," he explained patiently, "Chris is in love with _me_. This time, it does affect my life. I can't willingly spend time with a man who fantasizes about sexual relations with me, not when I know about it. So the friendship has to end." His eyes wandered out the window as they often did when he was feeling depressed. "It's better for us both this way," he added in a soft voice.

I harumphed loudly at that and opened my mouth to argue further, but he cut me off again. "Don't." The corners of his mouth twitched upwards slightly as he said, "You're not in my head so I can't expect you to have known this, but it's taking all I have not to give in to the dark side of me right now. The side that screams that everything you and Chris have said and done for the past six months has been a lie. That I've been used, tricked, and betrayed. The side that …" He turned his head to find my eyes. "… that you worked so hard to get rid of. It's not gone; it'll never be completely gone. I just have to do my best to keep it quiet. So, don't say anything else right now, okay? Just call Riku." He motioned to the phone with a tired hand. "Call him. Be happy. Let me be."

My heart screamed in pain, but I did as he asked. And by the time I had finished talking with Riku, he had settled back into bed and fallen asleep.

Over the next few weeks, we all just went on with our lives the best we could. Oh, Riku and I tried to come up with a way to get Justin to relent. We talked and schemed and schemed and talked until our heads hurt, but we couldn't produce any plans that had even the remotest chance of working. And Christian, who was actually good at this kind of stuff, flat-out refused to help us. He had lost all of his confidence when it came to Justin; he seemed to think anything he did would just make it worse.

As for Justin, he tried to behave as if his friendship with Christian had never existed. He smiled at us, laughed at my occasional childishness, acted as normally as he could, but Irene and I knew it was just an act. We knew the way his smiles were supposed to look, knew the way his laughter was supposed to sound, and it wasn't right. So when he tried to get us to leave him and go spend time with our boyfriends, we ignored him. Our boyfriends, thank God, understood and even encouraged us, making us realize just how lucky we were to have them.

February turned to March, and Justin's resolve never wavered. He still refused to consider a reconciliation, still insisted that it was better for them both this way. And he hadn't shed a tear since that night he had screamed his heart out. Sometimes I wondered if his soul had gone with it.

The situation might have gone on indefinitely if my Classics professor hadn't gotten sick. But he had, which meant I had gone to class to find a note of cancellation and subsequently turned around and went right back to my room. I opened the door to soft sounds of sobbing. Justin was sitting at his desk, his head in his arms, crying.

I dropped my bag and went straight to him. "Jay!"

He lifted his head and gazed through tear-filled eyes at me in surprise. "Sora? You're supposed to be in class."

All at once, I realized what he had been doing over all these weeks. Waiting until he was alone to cry. Waiting until no one could see him before taking off the mask. "Dammit, Jay!" I yelled at him. "Why have you been hiding from us?"

He flinched and pulled away, replying quietly, "It's my cross to bear."

"Bull_shit_!" I responded. He flinched again, and I didn't blame him. I didn't usually swear this much. "Just because you have to carry it doesn't mean I can't support you. Can't help you." I closed the distance between us and slipped my arms around him from behind as he sat in his chair. Holding him calmed my anger; he felt so thin and frail. Calmly, I requested, "Please, let me help you."

He had stiffened at first at my touch, but his cold rigidity quickly melted away and he turned and relaxed into my arms. The tears began to fall again, silent drops of pain. I wanted so badly to ask why they were there, to know what was in his heart that brought them out, but I kept my mouth shut. He needed comfort right now, not questions. Besides, I somehow knew that if I just waited, I would get my answers anyway.

After several minutes where my shirt became increasingly wetter -- not that I minded -- I heard a single word arise from the fabric near my chest.

"Why?"

"What?" I asked, not understanding.

"Why can't I forget him?"

Gently, I stroked his head and asked out of duty rather than confusion, "Christian?"

He nodded and admitted, "I miss him, Sora. I miss him so much. I want to be able to flick some sort of switch and never think of him again, but I … I can't. Why can't I?"

I took a moment to look down at the figure in my arms. Irene and I had made sure he ate everyday, had made sure he took his depression medication, and yet he seemed to have lost both weight and color in spite of our care. He looked so lost, so sad, so … _lovesick._

I held my breath. I could fix it. Right here. With just the right words, I could make him see. _Careful, Sora. You need to tread lightly._

"It's natural to think of him so much," I began slowly, picking each word with great care. "You were such good friends. You spent so much time together. You made lots of great memories. Of course you miss him."

"But it's over now," he protested. "So why can't I just forget?"

"Maybe your heart doesn't want to," I suggested. "Your brain has decided that it's best to move on, but the brain and heart don't always agree." He sobbed softly in response, so I stroked his head some more and continued. "He made you feel safe, didn't he? He let you be yourself, and you opened up to him more than you did to any of us."

I briefly saw a small smile through the tears. "He's easy to talk to."

"Yeah, he is," I agreed. "He listened and cared for you and loved you even if you didn't know it. He pulled you out of darkness, Jay. How could you forget him? All I have to do is look at you and I see him. I see his hard work and devotion right there in your smile, in your confidence, in your ability to embrace life. I'm not fool enough to think I could have done it by myself. Without him, you'd still be a mess and I'd still be struggling." I tightened my arms around him a bit and pleaded, "Don't forget him. Please. Don't see him again if that's what you need, but you can't forget him. He's in you now."

To my happiness, Justin nodded against me and wiped away a few tears with his thumb. "You're right, Sora. You're absolutely right. I just … I just wish he had told me in a different way."

_Good grief, Jay, could you have set me up any better? Okay now, Sora. Don't screw this up._

"I don't know. It rather fits him, don't you think? Spur of the moment and from the heart." I waited for the small smile to appear before I continued, "And if I know him, I bet he was hoping that you would kiss him back. That somehow over the months, your heart had connected to his as strongly as his had to yours. That you loved him but just were too shy or nervous to let him know."

"I … I bet he did," Justin replied hesitantly. "I hurt him with my response, didn't I?"

_No! Wrong path to take!_ "I'm sure that doesn't matter, although I bet he'd be happy to know you're concerned for him." Gently, I rested my chin on the top of Justin's head and closed my eyes. I wanted to steer the conversation away from pain and regret and towards that kiss, towards happiness and love.

"You know what?"

"What, Sora?"

"I don't think you would have kissed back even if you did love Christian."

His body instantly froze up beneath me. I was walking on dangerous ground, but I had baited him before I entered with my odd statement. Grinning to myself, I waited for him to follow me in, which he did.

"Why is that?"

"Just because of who you are. It would have been as much of a shock regardless of your feelings. You probably would have run anyway, although without beating him up first. You would have run and come here and shut yourself up to think. Falling in love is scary, no matter who it's with. You have to put yourself out there, risk getting hurt even if the person loves you back, because no one knows how a relationship will eventually turn out. So you would have been scared. But I think eventually you'd have realized that when Christian kissed you, it was different than the times you would kiss your girlfriends. When he kissed you, you had _felt _something."

At these words, I stopped and waited for the protests. They didn't come. My smile widened, and, encouraged, I continued my fantasy-weaving.

"You would have spent the next couple of days thinking about that moment, and who could blame you? It's not every day your best friend declares his love for you through an impromptu kiss. But more than just the kiss, you would think of all the other times you had spent with him. How comfortable you felt with him, how safe you felt when with him. How his arms felt around you, how the two of you seemed to fit. How empty and alone you felt without him. And you would think about that kiss and wonder what would have happened if you had kissed back, or differently, what would happen if he kissed you again. You would put all these feelings together, all this joy and contentment, all this wonder and excitement, and you would finally come to the conclusion that, yes, you really did l--"

"Sora. Stop."

I stilled my tongue. It wasn't _That's ridiculous and completely idiotic_. Wasn't _How could you even suggest something so disgusting and blasphemous?_ It was _Sora. Stop_.

I did. Slowly, Justin's fingers rose and pried my hands off of him. When I had released him and taken a few steps back, I examined his face carefully. He had gone into staring mode again. His eyes were out of focus, and his fingers gripped the sides of his desk chair so tightly that I could see them whiten. I tried once or twice to get him to snap out of it, but he refused to answer me or even move.

Sighing, I went back to my side of the room and found something to read. Staring was okay with me for now. Staring meant thinking, and thinking was progress, at least in my mind. I only hoped I had set him on the right path far enough along that he could walk the rest of the way on his own.

But later that night when I came back to our room after a brief chat with one of my hallmates, I found nothing but a few sheets of hand-drawn music on his desk, and I knew instantly that I had made a terrible, deadly mistake.

* * *

A/N: Yes, cliffhanger. Blame my husband. I wasn't going to put it in, but he convinced me to do what's best for the story, not what's best for my readers' combined blood pressure. The story is winding down, btw. Only a few chapters left. 


	28. The Chase

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: The piece Justin wrote here is "The Lupine" by Chris Norman, also from Skyedance's _Way Out to Hope Street_. It's an _extremely _important piece in the _AG_ universe. So important that I don't even need to mention which scene it's used in. Once you read the scene (if you know the piece), you'll know it's the one.

* * *

**Twenty-Eight: The Chase**

_Chase: A figure where one dancer travels a set route and his or her partner follows a few steps behind. _

You would have thought that being friends with Justin would have made me think a little bit about what I myself believe when it comes to religion. You would have thought that being smack dab in the middle of all this mess, nearly all of it caused by a couple of lines of text and thousands of years of repressed thinking, would have made me do a bit of soul searching of my own. But it didn't. I'm still as undecided and uncaring as ever when it comes to spiritual stuff. If anything, I'm with the church of Christian: love people, don't be an asshole.

I believe in God now, though. I believe, and I thank Him daily for making sure Chris was in my room when Sora called. If he hadn't been there … I don't even want to think about it.

"Phone," Chris informed me when it rang, as if I couldn't hear it for myself.

I put my guitar down and sighed, a bit annoyed at the interruption. After a bit of searching, I found my phone underneath my bed. What the hell it was doing down there, I didn't know.

"Hello?"

"Riku!"

"Sora. Hey, what's up?"

"Riku, please help! I don't know what to do! I can't find him. I don't know where he went. Help me, please! Riku!"

Shocked, I took the phone away from my ear slightly to stare at it. Sora was hysterical. His voice was high and thick like he had been crying, and he spoke so fast I could barely understand him. Bringing the receiver back to my ear, I said, "Sora, please calm down. I don't understand. What's going on? Why are you so upset?"

After a couple of shaky breaths that tore at my heart, Sora managed to get out, "I can't find Justin!"

"Okay, okay," I soothed. "He probably went to a library or to Lang or out for a walk."

"No, no, he's gone to kill himself, I know it!"

Luckily, I was already sitting down or I would have fallen over. _Kill himself?_ "What? No, Sora. No. He wouldn't do that." I risked a glance at Chris who was watching me with a cocked head of interest and confusion. Dammit, the last thing I wanted was to let him know that Sora was panicking about Justin. "You know he wouldn't do something like that," I continued to Sora. "Didn't you tell me the night we met that he wouldn't?"

"Yes, but … but …" The rest of Sora's sentence came out as a long wail. "He's realized that he loves Christian which means he knows he's gay which means he thinks he's already going to Hell so there's _nothing stopping him anymore_!"

My breath caught painfully. _Oh no …_ "Are you sure you're not reading into things? He's probably just out."

"He left a note."

"He _what?!_" I leapt to my feet, all thoughts of shielding Chris from this gone. "What did it say?" I demanded.

"Well," Sora clarified, "it wasn't a written note."

"Then how do you know --"

"It was a piece of music. A new one that he just finished. He wrote on the top of it 'For Christian'."

My heart stopped. That more than anything convinced me that Sora had been right. "Sora, hang up your end right now and call campus security. They'll know what to do."

"But," he protested, "if they find him, they'll send him to some hospital."

"You'd rather he dies?"

"Of course not!"

"Riku."

I turned to see Christian standing next to me. His face was hard and blazed with a fire that I hadn't seen in weeks. He held out his hand to me. "Give me the phone." When I hesitated, he added, "I know where he is."

Dazed, I handed him the receiver and then listened as Chris explained to Sora how to get to Parish's roof. Sora must have felt as confused as I was because Chris stated, "He's there. Trust me. Just get up there and keep him from jumping until Riku and I can get to you."

My throat closed up, and I couldn't breathe. Jump? From the top of Parish? He wouldn't. Would he? Dear God …

"Riku. _Riku!_" Fingers snapped in front of my eyes. "Wake up! We don't have time for this." Slowly, my eyes focused on Chris's determined face. He had hung up with Sora without me noticing. "Shoes," he ordered. "Then coat. Now."

As I scrambled to comply, he disappeared to his own room to get ready himself. Only a few minutes later, we had both locked our doors and were flying down the stairs. The shuttle wasn't due for another ten minutes. We didn't have time to wait.

"How do you know?" I demanded as we crashed through the front doors of the dorm. "How do you know he's there and not trying to drown himself in the Crum River or waiting to throw himself in front of a train?"

"I know!" he shouted back, swerving around a couple of laughing girls who stopped to stare at us. "I'm the one who showed him how to get up there. Trust me!"

I did. I've always trusted Christian. I would trust him with my life, and tonight, I was trusting him with Justin's.

No more questions. No more doubts. I put my head down, and I ran.

* * *

_A cold wind. A small shudder. A whispered prayer._

_"I know I'm not supposed to ask this. You aren't at my beck and call. I'm supposed to serve You, to trust You, and I'm not supposed to ask for signs. But please, just this once, if there's any reason why I shouldn't do this, if You have any love for me left, please show me. Please let me know."_

_A door slamming open. _

_"JAY!" _

_A head lifting. A look of surprise and wonder. _

_"Sora?"_

* * *

My lungs were on fire. My legs were screaming. We had done a twenty minute walk in less than twelve, had pushed up the big hill to Parish, and then had climbed five flights of stairs. I was gasping and damn near crying in pain when Christian reached for the doorknob. 

"No!" I grabbed his wrist and stopped him from turning it. When he turned to me with a raised eyebrow of confusion, I explained, "You're the whole reason he's here. If he sees you before he's ready, he just may jump anyway."

Chris considered this for a moment before nodding and moving out of my way. "I'll stay here, then," he replied. "But I'm not leaving until he's all right."

"Fine." I sucked in a few more ragged breaths to try to keep my heart from pounding its way through my chest, and then I took that knob and turned it.

Two figures sat huddled together a little ways away, one clutching the other and crying. I breathed a huge sigh of relief at the sight of them. Carefully, I made my way across to them, trying very hard not to think about how far away the ground was and how much I hated heights. As I came closer, I realized to my surprise that the crying one was not Justin, as I had first thought, but in fact Sora.

Justin raised his head at the sound of my footsteps, and I met his eyes. They were calm and empty. I couldn't read them at all. His lips smiled at me although his eyes did not. "Sora," he said to the body in his lap, "Riku's here."

"I don't care!" Sora wailed. "I'm not letting go!"

A long-fingered hand smoothed gently over Sora's head. "I'm not going to jump."

"I'm not letting go!" Sora repeated. "You're not going to leave!"

"Hmm, I guess I'm not. Not as long as you have that deathgrip on my waist."

I winced sharply at the word "death", and poor Sora hiccupped a few times before bursting into fresh tears. Justin just shrugged and looked out across the night, his face blank. His expression threw my body into terrible shudders. It was serene but so very vacant. Was that really what a person looked like when he was ready and willing to commit suicide? It was horrifying.

"Why?" I asked him.

His eyes slowly moved to me, but only his eyes. "Why what?"

"You _know_ why what," I replied, gritting my teeth to hold back my own tears. "Why are we all sitting out here so fricking high above the ground in the dark and the wind?"

He could have said something smart-assed about being stuck there as long as Sora was attached to him like a parasite, but luckily for my nerves, he just sighed and looked away again. "To make the pain stop," he said in answer to the real question hovering over us.

For several minutes, I could only hang my head and listen to the wind as it rushed around us. I was no good at this. I needed help, but Chris was too much of a risk and Sora in his fright had been reduced to a clingy, shaking mass of tears. It was up to me to do something, but all I could think about was how much I just didn't understand. I didn't understand it _at all_!

"Justin," I finally said, not even knowing where I was going, "I'm not going to pretend I have the slightest clue about what you're going through. I'm not religious, I'm damn selfish, and I just don't get why you don't go running to Chris, throw yourself in his arms, and make out until you both faint from lack of air. This self-sacrificing bullshit doesn't make any sense to me. But that's not what I want to understand right now. Right now, all I want to know is … is …" I snapped my head up and burned a hole into him with my eyes. "… is what the hell will _dying_ accomplish other than to take your pain and thrust it onto the rest of us!"

Justin's eyes grew amazingly wide as he shrank back from my harsh, angry words. Yeah, there's a reason why no one comes running to me when they need comfort or advice. I suck at sugar-coating things. I know my failings so I try not to take on tasks I'm not good for, but once I get started on something, God dammit, you'd better get the hell out of the way. I had had enough of all this shit between Justin and Christian, and tender little Jay, who had been nursed and coddled by Chris and Sora for months, was gonna get a Riku-brand bitch slap right across the face.

"You want the pain to go away? Then why the fuck don't you just let yourself be _happy_ for once in your pathetic little life? Sora said you've realized that you're queer just like him and me and that's the reason why it's suddenly okay for you to turn yourself into a street pancake. Because you're going to Hell anyway. Well if you're going to Hell, why do you have to go _now_? Why can't you go after fifty years of happiness with the person you love? Why fuck yourself over in both this life _and_ the next?"

Justin's mouth opened to respond, and I could hear the words before he said them. "Don't you dare give me any bullshit about resisting temptation or self-sacrifice or any of that," I interrupted him. "Do you have any idea just how _selfish_ your fucking self-sacrifice actually is? Have you stopped to think about what you're doing to Christian? About what you're doing to all of us? For Christ's sake, _look at Sora!_ Look what you've reduced him to! Is this what you want? You think no one is going to mourn you when you're dead? Don't you realize we're all going to spend the rest of our lives agonizing over what we could have done differently? That we're going to feel like we failed you? That we're going to _miss_ you and wish you were here right now with us? If you're going to be selfish, for the love of God, don't punish the rest of us!"

Wide blue eyes stared in mind-numbing shock, and I held them without blinking. The three of us sat there for a long time, motionless except for the heaving of my shoulders as I calmed my breathing and the flying of our hair as the wind continued to assault us. Finally, after an eternity of silence and tension, those eyes lowered and Justin said softly, "Sora, let me go."

Sora inhaled slowly and looked up at him with eyes that were still red but now dry. "Why?" he asked. "Where are you going?"

"Inside. I'm tired."

Sora's arms very slowly detached themselves from Justin's waist and crept backwards away from him. Once his roommate had crawled out of his lap, Justin rose to his feet and walked past me to the door leading inside. Sora and I rose as well and followed him, holding on to each other's hands for comfort and assurance. So much time had passed and so much had been said that I had completely forgotten about Chris on the other side of the door until it was too late.

Justin stopped just inside the door, so suddenly that Sora and I nearly ran into him. When I saw where his gaze had landed, I very nearly panicked, but then I noticed that he had not tensed or frozen. Instead, he had tilted his head a bit to the side to look at Christian as the latter leaned against a wall and gazed back at him with a worried expression.

Softly, Justin commented to him, "You've managed single-handedly to both save and destroy my life. That takes talent." His voice was almost teasing, but it was also very tired.

Chris's eyes fell in shame and regret. "Justin, I --"

"I knew you'd be here," Justin interrupted him. "When Sora came through the door, I knew that you had sent him to me, and as soon as Riku came out, I knew you were here as well." He paused before adding very quietly, "Thank you."

Christian drew in a shuddery breath before replying, "You're welcome." I could only imagine what Justin's empty eyes were doing to him. They had damn near torn my heart apart, and I'm not the one who loves him.

"I have something to give you," he had continued, "but not tonight. Tomorrow maybe. Tonight I'm tired." That seemed to be all he wanted to say, for he began moving again, past Chris and towards the stairs. Sora, who had recovered his usual spirit and strength now that the fear of Justin's imminent suicide had passed, glanced at me briefly to silently convey his goodbye and then ran after him. Chris and I watched the two of them descend the stairs side by side.

As soon as they disappeared around the corner, Christian's knees gave out and he slumped down against the wall to the floor. I knelt down next to him, equally tired and drained. Soft sounds I didn't recognize entered my ears, and I suddenly realized that behind the hands that covered his face, Chris was crying. I couldn't believe it. Christian never cried.

I laid a hand on his shoulder for comfort and instantly found his fingers wrapped around my wrist. "I don't know what you said to him," he choked out, "but thank you."

I grimaced at the memory of my outburst. "It wasn't exactly the standard speech for talking down jumpers."

"But it worked," he insisted, letting his hands falls away and his head fall back with a sigh. "It worked. He's alive for one more day."

Those tears made perfect sense now. They were the release of all his worries and fears. Because even Christian Edelson, mind-reading know-it-all that he is, is still human.

"Chris," I breathed, pushing some hair out of his face with tender concern, "look at yourself. He's killing you."

"Better I die than he does," he replied without hesitation. At my slight choke, he turned his warm, friendly eyes to me. "Wouldn't you say the same in my place? About Sora?"

The question hit me like a punch in the stomach. That's what love is, isn't it? The ability to put another above yourself. "Yeah," I admitted, "I guess I would. Although I'd rather if no one died at all."

He smiled a little. "Me too." And then, just like that, he was back to normal. He threw his arms over his head in a long stretch, and, once he had popped just about every vertebrae he owned -- or at least that's what it sounded like -- he hopped to his feet and turned to me with a grin. "Well, I think my adrenaline has burned out enough to let me use my legs again, so what say you we go home and get some sleep? I'm _exhausted_."

"Running all the way here from ML will do that to a person," I replied, playing along with his change in mood. "Can we take the shuttle this time, please?" I held out my hands to ask him to help me up and tried my best to pout and give him puppy eyes.

He laughed. "Where the hell did you dig that face up?"

"Sora," I answered truthfully. "He's got a whole arsenal of them."

"Kid's more dangerous than I thought."

"You don't know the half of it. Now are you going to help me up or not?"

In response, Chris grabbed my hands and yanked me to my feet. I grumbled a bit about having my arms pulled out of their sockets while he listened in bemusement, and then we headed down the stairs towards the first floor and the Rose Garden to catch the shuttle. Neither of us said much of anything the whole trip, partly because we were so tired and partly because, as we had passed the fourth floor, we had heard the faint strains of a very familiar violin.

That night, as I turned off my light and tried to fall asleep, I couldn't help but think that as long as tomorrow still exists, there will always be some hope left to hold onto.

* * *


	29. Please my love,

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

A/N: Happy Valentine's Day. I hope you all have someone special to spend it with -- a lover, a dear friend, a treasured family member. For my part, I give you a chapter of sweet fluff to take the edge off all the angst I've been feeding you. Only one more chapter left.

BTW, the bit about the music that Justin wrote and left as his "suicide note" never made it into the chapter on its own, and I didn't want to force it. So, suffice to say, Jay eventually made copies of the piece and gave one to Chris and one to Leon.

* * *

**Twenty-Nine: _Please my love …_**

When my alarm woke me up the next morning, I had about four seconds of pleasant post-sleep fuzziness before all the fear and stress from the previous night came slamming back into my memory. I bolted upright in bed, a scream in my throat and my roommate's name on my lips.

Across the room, said roommate paused in the act of tying his shoelaces to lift his head and cock an eyebrow at me in concern. "You okay, Sora?"

I sat there gasping for a moment before I stupidly informed him, "You're awake. And you're dressed."

"Well, yeah," he replied with a slight smile. "I have a chem lecture in …" He checked the clock on his bedside table. "… forty-five minutes, and I wanted to try to get something to eat before then. I would have woken you up to see if you wanted to go with me, but you were really out of it, so I -- whoa!"

Ignoring his explanation, I had scrambled out of bed and launched myself at him. Frantically, I searched his face, arms, neck for razor marks, bruises, rope burn -- anything that might indicate he had tried to kill himself again. I was so intent on making sure he was okay that I almost missed the laughter that floated over my head.

"I swear I'm not hiding any candy on my person, Sora."

My searching fingers stilled. That laugh, it had been … real. With a sudden surge of hope, I looked up into his face and saw him smiling at me, _really_ smiling, like he hadn't done in weeks.

"You're okay!" I cried.

"Of course I am," he teased. "Did you think I couldn't get dressed on my own or something?"

"But," I protested with a small whimper. I couldn't just _forget_ what had happened. "But yesterday, you … and I … and then you …"

Gently, Justin pressed his forehead against mine. His smile was more tender than before, but it was still there, still real. "I know," he replied to my stuttering, "and I'm sorry. I didn't think. I panicked. Forgive me for worrying you?"

I threw my arms around him in response and hugged him until he begged me to let go. "What about Chris?" I asked when I finally released him.

To my joy, his mood did not immediately plummet like I thought it might. Instead, he turned an open, truthful face to me and said, "I haven't decided yet. I need to think about it a bit more."

"Okay," I conceded. "Thinking is good. Better than brooding, and much better than panicking."

He laughed at me again, and that's when I knew that the nightmare really was over. "You're cute," he informed me. "No wonder Riku can't get enough of you." As I beamed like an idiot -- a _cute_ idiot, mind you -- he stood up and started putting on his coat. "I'll see you at lunch, okay?"

"You bet!"

At the door, he paused to look back at me. "Thank you, Sora."

I didn't have to ask for what.

The next few days were certainly interesting, at least for us queers. Justin cornered us one by one and asked us to tell him anything and everything we were willing to convey in regards to our orientation. He basically just wanted to hear about the moment we knew, our reactions, and any resistance we had met from friends or family members. That, in fact, was the exact information he got out of Cloud, no more and no less. Leon told him a bit more, I think, due to the friendship they had formed while going to masses. Riku was kind enough to say that any question Justin asked, he would answer although he didn't offer much specific information without being questioned first. That's how Justin found out that Riku and Christian had dated, although Riku made it very clear that it had been over so fast that it had never really begun. Justin took the news better than I did actually; I pouted for half a day before Riku assured me that I kiss twenty times better than Chris does and then proceeded to seduce me until I was a little quivering ball of jelly on his lap. Heh, it's fun being his boyfriend.

And then there was me. I kind of talked Jay's poor ear off. Right around the time I started talking about my high school crush on my math teacher and how I blamed him completely for my nearly-failing grade and how I firmly believe that all teachers should take a hotness exam and only be given their certificate if they _fail_, right around then, Justin thanked me and told me I could stop. But it just makes sense to me that they should. How cruel is it to force hormonally-saturated kids to stare at a sexy body _and_ expect them to learn polynomials? I mean, come _on_.

The only one of us that Justin didn't grill was Christian, which I guess was to be expected. It was pretty obvious to us that he was trying to figure out where he stood and what he wanted to do and was using our experiences as a foundation for those decisions. And including Chris in the equation would just make everything more difficult. However, it really reassured all of us to see that he was no longer avoiding Chris and would even smile at him from time to time. In fact, by the time Saturday night rolled around, I was doing my best to keep my eye on my roommate; as far as I was concerned, it had turned from _if_ to _when_, and I wanted to see it when it happened.

"Leeeeeeeoooooooooon!!"

"No."

Yuffie had pretty much her entire body wrapped around one of Leon's legs. He looked mad enough to murder which was why I was staying right next to Riku on the couch, trying not to cower too obviously. J'nel, also on the couch with Irene, attempted to reason with his hyperactive classmate.

"Yuffie, he and Cloud are seniors. They have orals to worry about and final projects and post-graduate plans. Let them go."

"No!" Yuffie shrilled, shaking her dark head. "They need a study break!"

Growling, Leon lifted his leg and tried to shake her off. "If I want a study break, I'll use my time to screw Cloud until he can't walk, not to watch movies I've already seen a dozen times."

From his place against the wall near the stairs, Cloud rolled his eyes. "Thank you, Leon, I'm sure that's something everyone really wanted to know."

"We figured," Riku called with a smirk. From their shared seat, Selphie started to giggle while Tidus pretended to look appalled.

"But it's a Miyazaki marathon!" Yuffie howled, still clinging desperately to the now moving leg. "You love Miyazaki!"

"I love Cloud more!"

Yuffie let go. She landed on her butt with a thump and stared up at Leon who stared right back, suddenly realizing what he had just said.

"Did you just say you love Cloud?" Yuffie asked. A bright smile exploded over her face. "In _public_?"

Leon's mouth opened and closed a few times. He finally managed a half-hearted "… Whatever." Then, when Yuffie and Selphie burst into uncontrollable giggles, he spun on his heel and stalked out of the lounge to the stairs, grabbing a smiling Cloud as he went past. They disappeared just as Christian appeared from the direction of the breakfast room with two huge bowls of popcorn.

"Did I miss something?"

"Leon admitted he loves Cloud!" Selphie chirped happily.

"In front of everyone else? That's a first." He plunked one bowl down on either side of the coffee table and then took a handful for himself before looking around at the lack of seating space. "So, the one who gets the food gets stuck on the floor, huh? That doesn't seem fair."

"Here, Chris, you can have my chair."

We all turned in surprise to Justin who had stood up and was now offering his seat to Christian.

"Oh no, Jay, I couldn't."

"It's no problem. Look." In one graceful movement, Justin leapt up onto the back of the chair and draped his long legs along the curve to rest on one of the armrests. Using his knees to support his elbows, he propped his head in his hands and smiled. "I used to do this all the time with my sister. Sit down."

The hesitation on Chris's face was surprisingly un-Christian-like. Thankfully for all of us, Yuffie chose that moment to get up in order to put the first movie on, and as she passed, she shoved Chris over to the chair.

"Subbed or dubbed?" she asked. "Anyone care?"

"Subbed," Riku responded immediately. "Please don't make me listen to those stupid Disney voices."

"I second that," I … well … seconded.

Yuffie waited for protests and, when there were none, started the movie and skipped back to her seat.

At this point I guess I should make a confession. I didn't watch the movie. I'd seen it before, many times, and while I love everything that Miyazaki ever made and would happily watch any of his films ad infinitum, that particular evening a more interesting story was unfolding right next to me. For the first half hour or so, Justin and Christian just watched the movie, although every so often Jay would lean his head down to make a comment or Chris would tilt his head back to make one of his own. They were adorably cute but still very obviously separated.

But then Jay's back must have started to hurt -- God knows mine would have been if I had been doubled over like that for so long -- because he slipped his legs off the back of the chair, stood up, stretched, and then, after a brief comment to Chris, wandered off, still rolling his shoulders and stretching his back. I threw him a concerned look as he passed me, but he smiled as if to say he was fine and continued walking towards the darkened area behind the couch. That spot was almost a room on its own since it was created by two walls and the huge fireplace that jutted out and formed a kind of third wall. Justin wandered back into its solitude, and I heard his feet walking about as if trying to get the stiffness out of his body.

Now I definitely wasn't watching the movie, even though it was at one of my favorite parts where the little heroine has to tend to the giant stink spirit all on her own. No, I was far too engrossed by the drama right here in the ML lounge. As Justin continued to walk back and forth behind me, I trained my eyes on Christian and used my secret mind powers to will him to get up and go back there with him. After a few long moments, my telekinetic prowess prevailed. With a thoughtful look on his face, Chris rose from his seat and walked back to where Justin had finally stopped pacing. Sneak that I am, I didn't follow his progress with blatant staring but instead buried my nose into Riku's soft hair so that I could peek at the space behind me but still look as if I was attending to my boyfriend.

Unfortunately, my boyfriend was a bit put off by this behavior. "Sora, please don't tell me you're scared," he whispered to me with a tinge of annoyance.

"Don't be stupid," I replied. "I'm spying on Chris and Jay. They're back there talking, and I want to see it when they start kissing."

Riku sighed heavily. "They are not going to start kissing. Leave them alone."

"I _am_ leaving them alone. I'm just watching."

"Sora …"

Before he could chastise me any further, I used my position to my advantage and flicked out my tongue to graze it slowly along the length of Riku's ear. He shuddered violently and bit his lip to stop the subsequent vocalization.

"Don't you _dare_ start that here!" he ordered in a breathy whisper.

"I won't," I replied with a smirk, "as long as you shut up and let me spy in peace."

He growled deep in his throat but let me be. I can be so evil sometimes.

Time passed and nothing interesting happened. Christian and Justin just talked, movie forgotten. They weren't even standing that close to each other. I tried to will them closer together, but I stopped when I gave myself a headache. Maybe Riku had been right. Maybe it was silly of me to expect them to start making out this early. I briefly considered going back to the movie, but my ears told me that it was almost at the part where the giant No Face started vomiting black stuff everywhere, so I decided I'd wait a little bit more until all that gross stuff was over.

I'm very glad I did. Just as the monster began to howl and chase the heroine all around the bathhouse -- and just as Yuffie and Selphie started to squeal "Ewww!" in unison at all the black gunk -- Justin took a step closer to Christian, reached out, and took one of his hands. My eyes widened and I held my breath as Justin lifted that hand to his lips and kissed it softly along the knuckles. My roommate's lips moved in speech, and I know -- I just _know_ -- I saw them form the words "I love you."

Christian smiled. He pulled Justin closer via their joined hands and slipped his free one around Justin's waist. With three of their four hands still pressed between their bodies, Christian leaned his head down and gently placed a kiss on Justin's upturned mouth. It only lasted a second, but it had happened. I felt like jumping up and dancing around the room in joy. Instead, I grabbed Riku's face, turned it to me, and planted a huge, sloppy kiss on him.

"What the hell?" he asked when I had finished.

"I was right," I smirked at him, "and you were wrong."

His gorgeous green eyes widened in realization. "What? You're kidding." He tried to turn around to look behind him, but I stopped him.

"Now, now, it's not nice to pry. Give them their privacy. Let's just watch the movie, hm?" I giggled madly at the outraged look on his face and snuggled down into his arms with my head on his shoulder. Oh yes, I can be _so_ evil sometimes.

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	30. , dance with me

**Dance With Me**

**Description**: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, _Amazing Grace_ crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

**Disclaimer**: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. _Amazing Grace_ and its characters belong to me.

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**Thirty: _... dance with me_.**

The evening air drifted through the slightly open window and chilled my feet as I sat there looking out into the night. This classroom, this window, they would forever be "ours" to me now. This was where I almost kissed Sora for the first time. Over there on the floor was where he had first kissed me and where he had sworn that I would be his someday. So much emotion and drama wrapped up into one small room. The professors who taught here every day had no idea.

I shut my eyes and sighed. Tonight, I had brought more drama with me, all by myself. I had brought my worries and my fears to this window, hoping that it would help drive them away. If Sora were here … but no, Sora was busy, desperately trying to finish a paper. He had promised to come down when he was done, if I was still there by then. I probably would be. I didn't feel like moving.

I had overheard something I wasn't meant to hear. A conversation between Cloud and Leon. It hadn't been something extremely private; in fact, I doubt they would have been mad if they had known I was listening. But that didn't change this awful feeling that had welled up within me ever since. It was the darkest I had felt since Christmas, since I had taken Sora into my arms and claimed him as mine. _Serves you right for eavesdropping, you jerk_. I smiled lightly at my conscience. Serves me right, indeed.

Cloud had been accepted to the Academy's accelerated program. That meant that in two and a half years, assuming he survived the most rigorous program in the country, he would have job offers from half a dozen colonies all over the galaxy, all falling over themselves to get him. I had heard him planning with Leon, talking about getting an apartment over the summer and trying to find Leon a job somewhere in the area. Leon sounded more than happy to support Cloud while he studied.

"And then, when I'm done and head off-world," Cloud had asked in a quiet voice, "will you come with me?"

I had held my breath. Leaving Earth was such a huge deal, especially if you weren't IASE-trained. Getting a job without their backing was nearly impossible, and you never knew how long you would be out there, how long it would be before you saw your family again. Cloud would have his future made for him, but Leon would be giving up everything with little hope for change.

After a tense silence in which I nearly died, Leon had replied, "If you still want me."

The love in those words and in that sentiment should have filled me with peace. Instead, I had felt wave after wave of intense turmoil. I had backed away from Leon's door, my question for him forgotten, and walked all the way here to see Sora. He had been so surprised to see me at his door and had apologized with so much heart-felt regret when he had been forced to refuse my request to spend time together. He had suggested I come down here and wait for him, and so here I was, sitting in the window until he could come and take away this pain.

Leon and Cloud were graduating. I don't think it had really hit me until that moment. People who graduated, well, they came back to visit like Vincent at the ball. But if Cloud went off into space … I shook my head as Irene's words came back to me. _"Someday it will end, and there's nothing I can do about it. All I can do is make as many memories as I can while I still have him."_

Why did things have to change? Why couldn't we just stay here, right in this moment, forever? Why do people have to leave, move on, push forward into the next stages of life when this stage is so wonderful right now? We were all happy. J'nel had Irene, I had Sora, and Chris finally had Justin. Why couldn't we stay like this? What's going to happen when J'nel's family start pressing him to get married? When Chris graduates? When _I_ graduate? Will we all be able to stay together like Leon and Cloud, or will we fall apart and have nothing but our memories?

I banged my head on the side of the window.

"Don't do that. You'll destroy the few brain cells you have."

I looked up to see Sora standing in the doorway, smiling gently at me. As he crossed the room, I swung my legs out over the sill and spread them so that when I reached out for him, I could bring him right up to my chest without him bumping into my knees. I kissed him hungrily, diving into his mouth with abandon, searching for something to fill up this emptiness in my heart. He melted into me, arching his back into this beautiful curve that my hands slid over in appreciation. I loved him so much; I couldn't bear the thought that someday he wouldn't be here with me.

When I finally let him go, he looked up at me in loving concern. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it, and instead guided him up onto the sill with me. I positioned him with his back against my chest, his legs pulled up between mine, although I had to keep one foot on the floor since there wasn't enough room otherwise. "Talk," I requested of him. "I want to hear your voice."

"Um, okay." I could hear the confusion in his tone, but it didn't last and soon he was rambling in that way that I loved so much. "Let's see, what should I tell you about? Oh, I know. I called home yesterday. You know how my brother is coming next year, right? I really want you to help me set him up with Naminé. I think they'd make such a cute couple. I mean, they're both blond and quiet and into art. I just really think they'd be great for each other, even if she's a year older. He's way too mature for his age. He acts older than me sometimes, although most people say that's more my fault than his." I laughed gently at him, and his hair tickled my nose as his head bounced on my chest.

"Don't laugh at me, jerk, or I won't tell you what Irene and I saw this afternoon. Oh what the heck, I'll tell you anyway. We were in Lang looking for Jay, and we found him and Chris making out in a practice room. I mean it, too, really going at it. Not those little kisses they do in public because Jay's so freaky about PDA. This was hot. Chris had him backed against the wall, and Jay's hands were up the back of Chris's shirt, and … man, I was practically drooling. But then Irene made me laugh which ruined the whole thing because they heard me and stopped."

"Irene made you laugh?"

"Yeah, she said something like, 'I really doubt they taught him _that_ in Sunday school.' And, well, I couldn't help myself. It was just too funny. See, you're laughing, too."

"Actually, I'm laughing at the thought of Chris's face when you interrupted him."

"Oh, yeah that was scary. But then I explained why I wanted Jay in the first place, and that calmed him down."

Sora squirmed a bit against me, and I looked down at him with a raised eyebrow. He seemed almost embarrassed. "And why was that?" I queried, unsure as to whether I really wanted to know the answer.

"Well, you know how your birthday is coming up?"

"Yeah."

"I just thought it might be nice to arrange for Jay to sleep over in ML that night and leave me with an empty room, that's all."

I very nearly choked. "Sora, are you _sexiling_ your _Catholic_ roommate?"

He tipped his head up and regarded me with oh-so-innocent blue eyes. "What? I'm legal."

"That's not the point!"

"Then what's the point?" He pushed away from my chest and swiveled so that he faced me. With a serious expression, he continued, "We've been together for four months. I love you. You love me. We can't get married, so there's no point in waiting until then. If you want to, I'm ready. If you don't, we'll just have a nice night together, that's all. So what's the big deal?"

I stared at Sora, at the earnestness in his face. That honesty was what first attracted me to him. And now that open, beautiful soul was telling me that he wanted to give me his virginity -- in exchange for mine, of course, but that wasn't the point. The point was he wanted to take the next step, and right then, I was terrified of steps. Terrified of them all.

In one swift movement, I leaned forward, grabbed him around the shoulders, and pulled him to my chest again. I buried my face in his hair and tried to keep my voice from trembling as I replied, "Sora, thank you. Thank you for trusting me so much. But I don't know if I can. I … I don't want anything to change between us."

Sora's small hands smoothed up and down my back soothingly. "Nothing will change," he assured me. "Geez, do you really think I'd go through all that crap I went through this year just so I could screw your pretty ass and dump you?" He laughed, and I couldn't help but join him. "I love you, Riku, and that won't change. It's not like anything changed between J'nel and Irene when they did it."

Surprised, I sat back and pushed Sora away so I could look at him. "What? J'nel and Irene?"

He grinned at me. "Sure, didn't you know? The night his House Father finally okayed their relationship."

"That was _months_ ago! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you didn't care about the lives and loves of the freshman class."

"J'nel's not in the freshman class!"

Sora threw his head back and laughed brightly. "Good grief, Riku, I had no idea you would care about this so much. I swear next time I find out one of our friends has been deflowered, I'll tell you right away."

I frowned at him, upset in spite of myself. "That's not what I … oh fuck it, never mind." Growling, I turned my head away from him and stared angrily out the window.

A moment later, I felt his soft hand on my cheek. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh."

The tenderness in his voice eased my anger, and I sighed. "It's okay. I just … don't want anything to change right now."

"It won't change."

"Promise me." I swiveled my head to him and stared into his wonderful eyes. "Promise me you'll always be here with me. Promise me that things won't change when I graduate and that you'll stay with me even if your family disapproves and that if my life takes me somewhere else, you'll follow me." Understanding was shining in his eyes as the words poured from my mouth. "Please, Sora. Promise me."

He leaned forward and kissed me once before replying softly, "I promise. As long as you want to dance with me, Riku, I'll be your partner."

I couldn't resist a small smile at his words. How like Sora to use another analogy, to be romantic and symbolic. But that's who he is, and I love him. I love every small piece that makes up his kind, honest, and loving soul.

Taking his hand in mine, I whispered, "Then dance with me, Sora. Dance with me until the end of time."

The End

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A/N: Please go on to the next chapter for my thank yous and final comments. 


	31. End Notes and Thank Yous

**Dance With Me: End Notes and Thank Yous**

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Thank you to everyone who read this fic all the way through. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm happy I could share a bit of my world with you. 

Thank you to my husband, as always, for everything he is and does for me.

Thank you to my reviewers:

Angel of 513 -- Becca86 -- Black Juju -- bliss -- blugirl468 -- catwwomen47 -- ChibiFrubaGirl -- Crazydrawinggirl -- DarknessInTheValley -- emeraldeyes1029 -- Evil Genius of the COCA -- Kagome1514 -- Kai Sakamoto -- Katnoelle -- Kolie -- Laura -- Legolas19 -- Menoumarus1grl -- Moonshine's Guide -- O.Forgetful.O -- Prozacfairy -- shrouded-obsession -- shushu -- Sora's Kairi -- Tracyj16 -- Xx3llaxX

I love hearing your comments and talking back and forth with you. You guys really make me feel special.

And finally, thank you to a certain old, close-minded priest who shall remain nameless. If it weren't for him telling me to my face that I was a terrible person and that I was going to destroy the life of the precious Catholic boy I wanted to marry, if it weren't for him saying he would never marry us because we were doomed to fail, I would never have sat down and tried to figure out just what I believed in regards to God, Christ, and the various churches. And if I had never done that, _Amazing Grace_ would not have been written. So thank you, Father. Your blind hatred and ugliness actually created something beautiful in my life.

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Now, a word concerning _Amazing Grace_. A few of you have expressed interest in reading the book. I am thrilled to hear it, but I thought you were due a warning first. The book is not as happy-fluffy as this fic. Yes, I know, how can I say that when one of the main characters nearly died? The key word there is "nearly". Hopefully that's all I need to say. 

_Amazing Grace_ is my personal exploration of what it would be like to be an ordinary person saddled with the burdens and responsibilities of Christ. It is violent and sad, but in the end (I feel) uplifting and spiritual. It should be read with a box of tissues nearby (advice from a friend who read it on a plane and actually had people ask her if she was okay).

It is also a sequel which means you should either read _Auch das Schone_ first or, if you don't have the time/money/inclination to read the first book, email me and I'll send you a summary I put together a while back that will give you the information you need to understand the second book. Also if you'd like, I can send you a list of the music referenced in the book. I already mentioned "The Lupine" but there are about a half-dozen others that either appear as plot points or as mood music that I had in my head when I wrote the scene.

Both of my books are available as ebooks on Fictionwise for $5 each, or you can get paperbacks from me or from Amazon/B&N. Borders has also been known to order copies if you go bug them enough. Of course I'd prefer people buy books from me, but I know that's not always the best/easiest way to do things.

If you do read either of my books, please let me know what you think. They're a big part of my life, and I never tire of talking about them.

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And now I shall disappear for a while. I'll be back eventually, so don't be too sad. You can always PM/email me to say hi or go over to my LJ account. 

Fai te s'tin chen phfolabai an yela v'chan, n te s'nai phfoven varesh yela xula.

-- Karai


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